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  1. #41
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    Mctlaw, I really would try leaving the room. The trick is that the baby needs to learn to fall asleep without you, or else s/he will continue to need you to fall back asleep at every waking. For us, the original putting down was the hardest and least important piece to tackle. It was the wakings that sucked, and the wakings that were easiest to extinguish. Originally, we did Ferberize the original bedtime, but now I still nurse DD down and put her in the crib asleep. I do not, however, nurse at night for wakings. I started by cutting down (only nursing after 3am, for instance) until I knew my DD wasn't hungry, and then I Ferberized for wakings. It reduced the wakings by the second night. If I were you, I'd either go for it in the entirety, or at least Ferberize the wakings. You'll have to leave the room, though. At least in my experience, my DD would cry forever if I stayed in the room. It was only when I left that she could give up on wanting me and go to sleep on her own. Good luck!

  2. #42
    mctlaw is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by 123LuckyMom View Post
    Mctlaw, I really would try leaving the room. The trick is that the baby needs to learn to fall asleep without you, or else s/he will continue to need you to fall back asleep at every waking. For us, the original putting down was the hardest and least important piece to tackle. It was the wakings that sucked, and the wakings that were easiest to extinguish. Originally, we did Ferberize the original bedtime, but now I still nurse DD down and put her in the crib asleep. I do not, however, nurse at night for wakings. I started by cutting down (only nursing after 3am, for instance) until I knew my DD wasn't hungry, and then I Ferberized for wakings. It reduced the wakings by the second night. If I were you, I'd either go for it in the entirety, or at least Ferberize the wakings. You'll have to leave the room, though. At least in my experience, my DD would cry forever if I stayed in the room. It was only when I left that she could give up on wanting me and go to sleep on her own. Good luck!
    1243 Luckymom, thanks for the food for thought. I'm really glad to know that the night wakings were not all that difficult for you to get rid of. I assume DD got upset when you would not nurse? How long did you comfort before laying back down?

    I re-read your recent post re: Ferber. I hear you about needing to leave the room, but for now we all sleep in the same room (rental house) so though I can leave at the initial bedtime I am going to be there during the night anyway (it is a big long room though, DS can hear me but not see me). I am trying to work up to that but tried Ferber for 5 days when DS hit 6 months and my experience was nothing like yours, unfortunately. The first night he cried for nearly 3 hours. And it was bloody mnurder crying non-stop, not intermittent crying or fussing. The second night nearly two hours. The crying did diminish but never got less than 30 minutes. The reason I called it quits was that DS began developing serious separation anxiety and since 6 months is too young for normal developmental anxiety, I attributed it to the Ferber training. He became withdrawn and cried whenever I put him down even for a moment. He was back to normal within about 3 days of me stopping and has not developed this issue with the gradual stay in the room training I have been doing for the past month.

    Little DS has a cold now so the last few nights have been rough plus I haven't felt as if I should really sleep train while he is so uncomfortable and congested. Who knows were he will be when he gets over the cold. He has been up ever 2-3 hours again for the past 3 nights, with a significant night waking mixed in where he doesn't go back to sleep for an hour and a half. Last night I tried so many times to get him back to sleep that I basically gave up and let him cry for about 20 minutes while I lay there, because I had tried everything else. He just escalated - about 10 minutes in he seemed to be starting to settle, then he ramped it up big time and I finally attended to him. He went to sleep at about 4:30 am after that.
    MC

    Fair Queen-Ruler of the House of Boys
    Mom to DS 3/06
    DS 2 6/12
    and a 12 year old (boy) min pin

  3. #43
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Well, for us things still SUCK. I got Ferber book and read it which I guess doesn't really help until I actual do something. We have all been sick again and with him so congested I didn't expect him to sleep better....so he's been in the bed with me again for the last week or so. If we could ever all get better then I could make some actual progress.

  4. #44
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    Oh, mctlaw, that's terrible!!! I don't know how to help, because when I'm in the room, DD will not go to sleep. She will just cry and cry. It's the same for DS (4yrs), too. He will only sleep once I have left the room. Sharing a hotel room has so far been impossible unless we had a balcony to hide on until he was actually asleep. With both children, we moved them into a separate room first, then Ferberized. If I were you, I'd get out of bed and go sit in another room until your little one is asleep, returning for brief checks as appropriate. Once the baby's asleep, you should be able to creep back in.

    As for the nursing with DD, I made sure she was getting lots of food during the day, solids and especially BM. I nursed her right before bed on both sides. I had been feeding her every 45 min. She wasn't hungry at these times, though. I was just doing it to get her back to sleep. I decided I would nurse until 12 am and then not again until after 3. If she woke during a nursing period, I nursed, put her in the crib, and left the room, returning for checks at appropriate intervals. If it wasn't a nursing time, I didn't pick her up, just shhh'd and spoke lovingly and then left again and returned for checks at proper intervals. When I re-Ferberized this last time, she basically stopped waking, so it was a non-issue. Now she goes to sleep at 8-9pm and sleeps through until about 6am, sometimes a little earlier. I don't try to make her go back to sleep if it's after 5:30am. It doesn't work and wakes my son. (They share a room.)

    I agree that I wouldn't do anything while he's sick. I also wouldn't let the crying go on for hours night after night. I think you did the right thing by stopping! I stopped at much less. I would try again when he's feeling better, though, if you can think of a way to get him or you out of the room. I also might try putting him to sleep gently and only Ferberizing for wakings.

    I'm so sorry you're still struggling, too, Melaine! If I can help, please let me know!

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