Anxiety & OCD

[JTsMom]

I hate to start with this, but im phone typing so have to be somewhat brief- I think your psychologist is on the wrong track. if he's motivated to do well, and still failing, I think he's unable to meet the goals for some reason. I think the transition is likely the problem, and thats not uncommon. Is he verbal enough to tell you how he would like things to go (during a calm time)?

Here are a few other ideas:
Have you tried going in instead of DH?
What if you brought in a drink?
Played music?
3 minute warning that transition is coming?
Story before getting up
Picture schedule in his room
Reintroduce card system
Good morning song
Has your it taught you anything that might help? Deep pressure, brushing, joint compressions, etc?
I'd even do tv if that helps him stay calm.
I've seen some moms here mention having their kids sleep in their clothes so they can skip that step, then doing breakfast in the car. I'd pretty much do anything that worked. You could always change it back to something more ideal down the toad when things fall into place a bit more.

I agree that breaking that battle cycle is key, which is why I think the psych's advice is off base. I've said before that your Ds reminds me of mine , and I can tell you that the more we try to crack down on things, the worse things get. The more i can show im on ds's side, the better thongs go. I think I may have mentioned The Explosive Child up thread. There's also a website with videos that are helpful. I really think it would be a good match for you guys.

[JTsMom]

Sorry- was typing while everyone else was, and see you already addressed several of these things.

[egoldber]

I would definitely consider getting rid of the clock.

Also, the thing with low blood sugar, is even if you are getting him breakfast ASAP, it may be too late. He could already be crashing. Once younger DD reaches that point there is simply NO reasoning with her until we have managed to get some calories in her. And at that point, it's usually juice because nothing else will work because she's too hysterical to eat.

[lmh2402]

thanks so much all

ok, so i know i'm not going to address all the ideas you guys threw out

here's what i do know:

if i went in every morning, things would be pretty much fine. but that's just not realistic. there are mornings when i need to leave for work by 7. and/or i'm nursing DD or getting her up.

psychologist seems to be telling us that DS needs to be desensitized. that life is not going to be how he needs/wants it to be all the time. that school and the world isn't going to revolve around these...obsessive, often irrational, often changing and unpredictable needs

no, he doesn't have a hard time waiting for breakfast. in fact it's often a battle to even get him to sit and eat. days he does best is when there is nowhere to go and we can let him lounge in crib. then lounge further in room. until he feels ready for us to all go downstairs - him calling all the shots - who walks down first, etc. the only day of the week that is this relaxed is sat. and as a reference point, this past sat he was not ready to eat breakfast until 9am. that is just not realistic on a week day. or even on sundays

ugh. ugh. ugh.

[egoldber]

he doesn't have a hard time waiting for breakfast. in fact it's often a battle to even get him to sit and eat.

I feel like I'm harping on the blood sugar thing, but it is absolutely true that you can miss the window on the food. If younger DD does not eat ASAP on waking, she could easily go hours without eating, but the fallout is horrendous.

It's easy to try leaving him some food and a small juice box in his room. In another thread someone mentioned smoothies that don't need to b refrigerated, and that could be a good option too. I would do that and encourage him to eat when he wakes and see if it helps.

And while the pysch is right, yes he needs to become de-sensitized, that does not have to happen all at once. Right now your family has a serious issue that does not allow you to function in the mornings. It's OK to come up with an interim solution that makes things better and then you can tweak that in awhile. It's a process.

[JTsMom]

Well, you can look at it that way, or you can look at it as what can we do at home to make life easier for him before he goes out into the world to face all of those things we can't change. As he gets older, he's naturally going to learn skills and ways to get along better in the world. But right now, he's just a very young boy with a heck of an uphill battle to face just to get through the day, you know? I can't imagine that he wants to melt down like that. If kids can do well, they will. Meeting him where he is right now is kind of like the other needs you meet for him that he'll have to learn to do on his own later.

If it were me, I'd ask myself if this approach is making your family's life better or worse, then go from there. You could see 10 different therapists, and they'll likely give you at least 5 different opinions. If you like this guy, and you feel like he's leading you down the right path, by all means, carry on. But don't feel like you have to stick with him or his approach if its not working for all of you.

[lmh2402]

Well, you can look at it that way, or you can look at it as what can we do at home to make life easier for him before he goes out into the world to face all of those things we can't change. As he gets older, he's naturally going to learn skills and ways to get along better in the world. But right now, he's just a very young boy with a heck of an uphill battle to face just to get through the day, you know? I can't imagine that he wants to melt down like that. If kids can do well, they will. Meeting him where he is right now is kind of like the other needs you meet for him that he'll have to learn to do on his own later.

If it were me, I'd ask myself if this approach is making your family's life better or worse, then go from there. You could see 10 different therapists, and they'll likely give you at least 5 different opinions. If you like this guy, and you feel like he's leading you down the right path, by all means, carry on. But don't feel like you have to stick with him or his approach if its not working for all of you.

yes, to all and especially the bolded. this is the sentiment that i feel mos tortures me on a regular basis. i'm so torn b/c i really don't know what to do. and also, i really can't live hostage to all his many needs. seriously. it's not feasible b/c if we did, we would be walking on every third crack and breathing through our left nostril while typing with our toes...i mean he really, really tries to control every single thing all the time.

and i'm trying very had to keep my DD in mind - making her needs second always to the fact that i have to be the person to shepherd DS through the morning is just...really hard to swallow

i know i sound like a broken record, but i'm so sad.

i do know for sure that he doesn't want to be this way. he doesn't want to be so upset all the time. especially first thing in the morning.

beth, i'm going to try leaving food and see if that gets us anywhere

i really am so unsure. the only thing i know that will make it all go away is if i go in and do all the stuff - i get him out of crib, get him undressed, accompany him to bathroom, get him dressed. and he's a slow poke. none of this would be fast.

so, what would i do about DD and he needs/wants to nurse or get her diaper changed. yes, DH could do her diaper, but nursing is obviously all on me. and she's at a very distractable age - can't really nurse well /efficiently in group settings these days

[JTsMom]

I 100% get everything you just said, and to don't sound like a broken record. This is what we're here for.

If it feels wrong, it probably is. You are the expert on your child. You're right that you can't cater to every demand. It's just not possible. But if you make As many things easy as you can, and try to find as many win-win solutions as possible, it will help all of you. This is obviously a big issue for all of you, and it has to suck starting the day off like that.

Can you nurse the baby a few minutes earlier, then move on to DS?

[JTsMom]

Videos:
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/sol...ollaboratively

[lmh2402]

Thank you, Lori. You have all been so helpful. Even just to hear me out. Have appt w psychologist tomorrow. He's a nice guy and had said he's always open to talking about other tactics we might want to consider. I have a lot to discuss tomorrow. Thanks again. Will update if/as i see progress. Or not.