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Thread: So what!!

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    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default So what!!

    DH is annoyed that I'm not giving him kudos for him staying up until 1.30am last night folding 3 loads of laundry and cleaning the kitchen when I went to bed with a migraine.

    1. It wasn't that much to do, so he probably didn't get started until 12.00am, so the late hour to bed was due more him not getting started earlier.
    2. I routinely go to bed that late because I'm studying or working, then have to throw laundry in dryer or do dishes as DH feel asleep on couch.
    3. We always have a tonne of things to do every week

    So my response again is "So, what?!" I do this all the time and I don't get anyone thanking me.

    So nope, no extra pats on back from me...rather, "you have 2 more loads of laundry to fold tonight as I have a work deadline and I spent all day doing our work hours at DS's school, took him and friends to park for play date after school, did the grocery shopping, cooked dinner, cleaned up dishes, and put those 2 loads of laundry on...so dude, it's all yours!"

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    yeah, what is it with men--they want a medal with everything that we do normally do!!!!
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    I'm over here giving YOU kudos for having trained your H so well that he will actually fold laundry! Mine can't even seem to be able to fold his own towel after a shower...
    Tell him he'll get a pat on the back when he makes the house run for a week straight - with no reminders from you or help. THEN he gets his "pat on the back".
    Yeish.
    Liz
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    and DS2:2010

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    I've found that men are like children in lots of ways. They like a pat on the back for every little thing they do. Whenever my DH does something that is outside the norm of what he would usually do, I always thank him. If they made husband treats, I would also toss him one of those too

    Ann

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    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pennylane View Post
    I've found that men are like children in lots of ways. They like a pat on the back for every little thing they do. Whenever my DH does something that is outside the norm of what he would usually do, I always thank him. If they made husband treats, I would also toss him one of those too

    Ann
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pennylane View Post
    I've found that men are like children in lots of ways. They like a pat on the back for every little thing they do. Whenever my DH does something that is outside the norm of what he would usually do, I always thank him. If they made husband treats, I would also toss him one of those too

    Ann


    It's super annoying. The one that gets me is when I do 99% of the dishes but wait to turn it on until we go to bed for any last cups. He adds one glass, soap and turns it on; therefore, he announces that he did the dishes. No, you did A DISH!

    Anyway, I'd be annoyed too. Sounds like he just volunteered to be on perpetual laundry duty. You did such a great job, honey, that I'm going to let you do all the laundry from now on. Thanks so much babe!

  7. #7
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    As much as I hate the DH dramatization of "lookie what I did!" too, I've found that I catch more flies with honey (yeah, probably should go in the quote thread)

    My DH does a lot around here, so I'll lead with that disclaimer. And we do both thank each other for every little thing we do, ad naseum. We do the thanks in front of DD and expect it from her so she understands that magical fairies don't come clean the house like my father thinks.

    Don't know if this helps or is just annoying, but when I feel that DH or DD is underappreciating me, I leave a few small easily accomplished tasks undone, go to the offender and say something to the effect of, "if you could please take care of x, y, and z, I'd really appreciate it. I've already done A-W (listing them all off, possibly embellishing a bit) so that YOU don't have to worry about those things." At our house, this approach pre-empts the forthcoming complaint and garnishes a thanks. And then I praise the heck out of the helper.

    Totally agree with pp regarding the thanks and husband treats. Though I do tell DH that him doing the laundry is foreplay, so maybe that counts

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    Kestrel is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I agree so much... but...

    If I don't thank for every extra/outside the norm thing, he stops doing them. SO.. even though it annoys me, I make a point of commenting {"wow! You folded two loads of towels!"} because more work would annoy me more. {Since you folded them, couldn't you have put them away, rather than leave them on the bed?}

  9. #9
    Sweetum is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    nope, I wouldn't be bowing or anything
    but yeah, good that you were able to get him to do, becuase what would really p!ss me off is having to do it the next day. so, basically everything has been left waiting for me since it's MY stuff, right?
    I'm with you.

  10. #10
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Thanks everyone. I needed to vent to get it out.

    DH is usually pretty helpful, especially when I'm in school. Part of the problem is that I do more at home when I'm on winter/summer vacation and it takes a few weeks to transition back into "You need to do the laundry now." He used to put it on and fold and put it away - well, put his and DS's clothes away. He would stack mine on bed for me to do as my closet is a disaster area.

    There's a rule in my family growing up that I brought into our family, if you cook you don't clean up. I normally clean as I go to some extent so it's normally just the plates and glasses and maybe a saucepan or so. He's stopped doing dishes as well. Umm, no. I have to study/work in the evenings.

    And how did I get DH to do all of this. Things being unfair in workload really pushes my button. DH knows me doing everything is a dealbreaker for me. I grew up in a house like that and I will not tolerate it. It can never by 50-50 as he's not as home as much, but there has to be an effort to help out. We're a team. DH is also quite logical so if you present him with logical "It's not fair I'm doing all of this," he can usually see that. And to be honest, I'm not very nice when I'm angry. It takes quite a bit to make me get angry, so if I do get upset, he knows it's serious.

    We talked last night and we're going to have to rejig who does what. DH is about to start some extra work on the side, so he's going to be busier. I'm busier, but we still have same amount of stuff to get done - and I'm just talking the basics, nothing else at the moment. We'll have to figure out how to get it done.

    I usually use the honey approach and thanks for helping, even though no one ever thanks me for doing things, but I was not in the mood to mess with the other day.
    Last edited by niccig; 03-02-2013 at 05:24 PM.

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