Feeling pretty demoralized

[maestramommy]

It is 10am, and I am home with DD2 while her dad and sisters are at church. Reason, because she started a rant minutes before we were headed out that continued on and off until we were about to walk into the church building. I finally told Dh, "you go, I'll take her home." She screamed and raved all the way home, so I put her in timeout. When it was over she continued to rave and is up in her room crying on and off because I won't take her to church.

dh and I talked about this last night. I am feeling so spent dealing with her drama. Once she gets going she just cannot/won't stop. I thought this was supposed to get better as she left her 4's, yet here she is approaching 6 and it's as bad as ever. We are looking into checking her Vit D levels, but otherwise I know this is just her. For whatever reason, my sunny mellow baby and toddler turned into this highly strung moody child, and I'm still not sure why. At the heart of it I am feeling guilt, guilt, guilt, because maybe in spite of being a SAHM I am not giving her the attention she needs, or I just don't have the infinite patience it requires to talk her down. I can't keep cracking down on her, other than removing her from a situation like this morning. she's just a beautiful, special child, and when she's happy, she's very happy. But when she's not she's miserable, and makes everyone else miserable.

I think I need another coffee.

[sarahsthreads]

Aw, I'm sorry.

I'm home with DD2 as well, while DH and DD1 are at church, because she's been such a behavior issue in the past there that I've essentially given up for now. (Yes, I know this is not a great solution, but there you go.)

I don't think you can blame yourself for what you are or are not doing with her. Every DC is a different person, and they don't come with instruction manuals. It would be so much easier if they did, right? "In case of tantrum, say this phrase and tantrum will instantly be transformed to sunny mood."

I found 3-5 to be INCREDIBLY difficult with DD1. So much so that I didn't think we'd both survive. She became somewhat easier at 6. We've had ups and downs since then, and I'm pretty sure if we both survive her teenage years it will be nothing short of a miracle.

On the other hand, 4 with DD2 has been the most charming, fabulous age. So I'm 100% sure it's a personality thing and not some failing in me as a parent. And I'm 100% sure the same holds true for you.

Not that that makes it any easier to deal with in the moment.

Sarah

[hillview]

DS2 is like this as well. He is 5.5 and it isn't better (we have a begining dx of ADHD and NVLD so there is a "reason" but it doesn't make it better). HUGS. sorry.

[hellokitty]

I couldn't read and not post. I hope that things will improve with your dd2. It sounds really frustrating.

[dogmom]

Well my DD has been moody and high strung since birth. She is much better this year, but five just sucked. My DH said on her sixth birthday, "Six! Only Six, Five lasted FOREVER!" and it did. I think it was a combination of kindergarten, us just being worn out by the previous four years, and the sinking feeling that this was not going to get better since we were well past toddler years and the hope it would end then. She was verbal, she appeared to be able to be reasoned with, but she couldn't. Keep at it. Some where around 6 1/2 things got much better.

[wencit]

FWIW, I think it speaks volumes about your parenting that you took her back home instead of continuing to go to church and letting her disrupt services. The easy route would have been to give in to her demands at the time and let her have her way - which many parents do! So while you may feel much guilt about your mothering, I think you're a fantastic mom who is obviously trying her best.

[StantonHyde]

I know this is the BP bit have you had a visit with a psychiatrist and a child therapist? A friends dd has similar behaviors due to anxiety. She is 8 and has been on meds for 2 years and it makes a HUGE difference. YMMV but it is worth an evaluation to see if there are some strategies all of you can use.

Big hugs that is very hard!!!

[StantonHyde]

Ps ITA her behavior isn't necessarily a product of your parenting. In fact it is probably a lot better than it could be because you do such a good job with her!!

[maestramommy]

I know this is the BP bit have you had a visit with a psychiatrist and a child therapist? A friends dd has similar behaviors due to anxiety. She is 8 and has been on meds for 2 years and it makes a HUGE difference. YMMV but it is worth an evaluation to see if there are some strategies all of you can use.

Big hugs that is very hard!!!

Dh and I actually consulted with a child therapist last year around this time. We went in for a joint consult, then I brought DD for 2 sessions with her. The therapist said she could find no reason to think this was anything particularly unusual. Like, it wasn't due to trauma, or some huge life change, or anything! But she just said it could be just her way of being 4.

She might have some mild anxiety or OCD (I'm just guessing because I'm not a professional), but it doesn't seem to affect her learning. And the only reason I think of anxiety is that she has a few tics.

Dogmom, DD1 was really difficult until almost 6, but DD2 has been later in so many other things I guess why should this be any different.

[happymom]

FWIW, I think it speaks volumes about your parenting that you took her back home instead of continuing to go to church and letting her disrupt services. The easy route would have been to give in to her demands at the time and let her have her way - which many parents do! So while you may feel much guilt about your mothering, I think you're a fantastic mom who is obviously trying her best.

and also