i feel like i'm losing it
i have no one to turn to
i can't discuss this IRL
i can't get onto the stupid infidelity forum b/c i just haven't gotten a response
i can't sleep. i feel like i am drowning
i can't really post on this board - other than this post here - b/c i feel like this is regular life on here and i am in some alternate universe of shame and utter confusion. here feels foreign and happy
i feel like a trapped rat. nothing sounds good. there is no right answer. no good alternative
i feel like i've been in this state of sort of "oh well" nonchalance since the end of last week...yet my whole body is physically shaking all day long. my stomach is queasy. i can barely eat without feeling like i'm going to throw up.
i honestly know nothing anymore. i have absolutely no idea which way is up. what is real. i feel like i'm condemned to a life of endless drowning.
i am not sure i can figure this out. i don't know how to figure anything out and i really need to talk to someone. in real life. someone that can hug me. but there is no one b/c if i tell anyone, than i'm committing to go in one direction and there's no going back.
i can barely be around my kids without literally starting to pluck my hairs out in this weird new tick i seem to have developed...i think i'm going to pick myself bald
i just needed to write something somewhere. i've been sending myself emails all day.