no advice except that even if you legitimately have some part in the less-good parts of your marriage (and really, who doesn't?) DON'T LET HIM GASLIGHT YOU. don't bend over so backwards to see his point of view that your lose sight of your own. that's what happened in my first marriage - i let him tell me how wrong my feelings were. um, no. feelings just are. actions may be wrong, but feelings just are. until they change. anyway, it seems that lots of folks here are in your corner, and i hope you're getting some warmth from that.