nothing. everything.

[BunnyBee]

I am so sorry. I hope you get in with a therapist soon. Also, please schedule a medical checkup. Take care of yourself.

[3isEnough]

Just wanted to add my hugs.

Know that you are being as strong as you can, waking up in the morning, sharing what's going on here. That is STRONG. There is not one right answer here, but it's ok to listen to your heart and hope that things can work out. That hope is ok, and doesn't make you a doormat at all. You can be hurt and angry as h#ll but still want what you deserve - a loving full family. And you will have a chance to fight for that.

All your feelings are valid, not matter how contradictory they may seem.

I'm so, so sorry for all that you're going through. But I wanted to reiterate that you absolutely, positively should not feel embarrassed about how you're feeling and that you want things to work out. The person who should be embarrassed is the f'ing whore you took your DH in while he had a wife and babies at home, and your DH. I just don't understand women who do that and I have no respect for them.

No one here thinks you're a doormat. We all know you to be a strong, incredibly loving mom who just wants the life she envisioned for her family. We're all rooting for you here no matter what path you choose to take.

[minnie-zb]

I am not going to tell you what to do about your husband or family, that is for each person to decide for themselves. I will tell you, in the strongest of terms, that you MUST go see a professional therapist. No if, ands or buts. and if he needs to leave work early to watch the kids so you have the time to do so, then so be it. If he needs to brown bag it for lunch so the money is there, so be it. And i am a cpa in tax season who is home early twice a week so my wife can attend to her issues, so i am not telling you something i am not already doing. It MUST be a priority for you and for him as important as eating or breathing.

I'm so sorry. I hope the therapist can see you soon.

[Twoboos]

I am so sorry to read your update. And I will echo all the other posters that you are NOT pathetic or a doormat and should not be embarrassed! It's perfectly natural to want everything to be fine/how it used to be.

You are strong and you will get through this. But please, start with getting some support for yourself, by calling a doctor or therapist.

[BabbyO]

I'm so sorry that your fears were confirmed. I wish you all the strength you need to get through this.

Don't feel like you are pathetic or a doormat. Wanting to fix your marriage should not be something to be ashamed of. I just want you to know that someone VERY close to me dealt with infidelity in their marriage. The couple actually separated for a time, but they committed to fixing their relationship and they have. I actually believe that their marriage is better than when they first got married in some ways.

I just wanted to let you know it is not necessarily a hopeless situation. It won't be easy...but it isn't hopeless. Please take care of yourself!

[scrooks]

I'm so sorry.

Don't feel ashamed for any decision you make, whether that is to stay or leave or whatever. I hope you'll get the IRL support you need.

This! Do not feel ashamed at all! You need to decide what is best for you and your dc! I am soooooo sorry you are dealing with this. It really really really sucks!

[AJP]

I'm so sorry to ready your update. I have a pit in my stomach for you. You are an amazing and strong woman and mother and do NOT forget that. No matte where this takes you, your marriage and family, remember who you are and that you can do anything. I don't think that you wanting nothing more than your marriage back makes you a doormat. Those were his actions while you were upholding your end of the marriage.
I hope you come to a decision that is best for you and your family. Therapy can do wonders if both parties are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work and make changes.
Hugs

[kdeunc]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i am so, sorry to read your update. i hope you can find a therapist ASAP as others suggested...that is just WAY too much for one person to deal with alone. you are not a doormat for wanting to fix your marriage...you are an awesome, strong mama who just wants the best for her sweet babies.

anyway, FWIW, last year i went and saw a therapist and got depression/anxiety meds and i was dealing with much, much less (no issues with DCs, no marriage issues, just hormones majorly out of whack causing anxiety/depression and headaches). With all you've been going through in the past few years (your DS's issues, new baby with reflux, rental propety, marriage issues) i'm amazed you have been able to go for so long through so much without some serious outside help . so cut yourself some slack, first of all...you are under an enormous amount of stress right now. hope you can find the help you need and deserve.

[kaharris83]

So sorry. My heart aches for all you've dealt with. Hoping you find peace soon.