Lining up help for twins

[bigpassport]

In response to my baby name post, the following was suggested...

Are you asking for lots of help from your friends? Get the help lined up now!

What does that look like? We have no family in town. I am hoping that a couple of my sisters-in-law can come for maybe a week each. I am going to go to the moms of multiples mixer this month to get to know that group a bit before the arrival of the babies. I have a lot of friends and belong to a service-minded church. But I don't even know what kind of help to ask for or how to go about lining anything up.

What kind of help should I ask for? Do I set up a schedule? I have no clue.

[gatorsmom]

Ask this question at the moms of multiples group. They will be a wealth of local information, I imagine.

Any one of your friends who says, "just let me know if I can help," write her name down. You may need. Second set of hands just to hold a second crying baby. Or when you get sleep deprived maybe someone can baby sit for an hour while you nap. Let a friend wash and fold a load of laundry for you. If no one is offering to set up a mealtrain for you, start cooking and freezing NOW. You will be so tired of easy frozen pizzas that first month (or 6). You might run out of something and can ask a friend to pick it up for you.

Getting out of the house with twins is nearly impossible for the first 6 weeks.

[twowhat?]

Food! It's the easiest thing whenever someone says "how can I help?" Food, food, food! Find someone to organize a meal train like Gatorsmom says (maybe ask your church to put out a request). If I were to pick a single thing in terms of help from friends, it would be food. You just simply don't have time to make food, and usually lots of people are willing to help in this way because it's not intrusive.

[mommyoftwo]

The biggest things for us have been dishes, laundry, and night time help. Food would be AWESOME but my husband and kids are super picky and hate casseroles which makes it difficult for people to bring us food. Plus since I was on bed rest for six months we got a lot of meals then too. We eat out or get pre-prepared food far more often than I would like but I do cook when I have the energy. Knowing that someone else will take care of the dishes helps a lot with that. We have someone that comes from 12-4 M-F and someone who comes 2-3 nights a week. If I'm ever able to switch from pumping to breastfeeding night help won't really be helpful but they are also starting to sleep longer stretches of time which helps. IIRC you are adopting so nursing won't be an issue unless you are doing adoptive lactation. We don't have an active moms of multiples group around here so I've figured things out through trial and error and gotten good advice here. If I can help you in any way, please let me know. My girls are three months now so we are just starting to move out of the newborn stage and settle in to a little more of a routine.

[bigpassport]

Thank you for the responses! Food I think friends/churchmembers will bring for a little while. We do low carb, so mainly I'm planning to prepare freezer meals (like 3 months worth...or do you suggest more?) that involve only throwing in the crockpot or microwave and some that DH can grill quickly.

How do I find someone to come in regularly to help? Craigslist (yikes!)? I googled 'mother's helper' in my city and didn't come up with anything that looked promising. Should I interview and line up a mother's helper before the babies arrive?

[mommyoftwo]

Yes, I would line people up ahead of time. You will be too busy once the babies come to want to waste time on it. We found our people through word of mouth but we live in a small town. You could also potentially use a list of volunteers from your church etc to take turns. I read in a book about twins the suggestion to find a nicu, postpartum, or peds nurse who wants to make money off duty to come at night to watch the babies while you sleep even if it's only occasionally. I would imagine that would be a lot more expensive but if you can afford it, go for it. Also, in larger areas, there are postpartum doulas that take care of that sort of thing. I know you aren't in quite the same situation but their job is to help around the house and help take care of the babies. You'll still need all of that.

As far as meals go, I'm finding it easier to get things done at three months but if you can prepare more than that, go for it. I wish I had been able to do so. I was on strict bedrest starting at 11.5 weeks so all of my plans of getting prepared in advance went out the window and we are eating WAY more takeout and preprepared food then I would ever want to do under any other circumstances. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and if that's what it takes for us to eat, that's what we have to do. For whatever reason, our church doesn't seem to do the new baby meal thing. It's the first church we've been at that hasn't done it. My picky eaters make it difficult anyway but still it would have been nice to have the option at least.

Take advantage of every offer of help you can get. I HATE asking for help but the truth is that those first few weeks especially can be pretty brutal so don't be afraid to accept help. Also, if you don't already have cleaning help, I would recommend it. We just do not have the time or energy to get the house cleaned ourselves. Now my husband is a surgeon and therefore away from home a lot and I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia which complicates things but ANYTHING that can lighten your load and give you more time to rest and spend time with your babies is a good idea.

[Melaine]

I think like others said you just need to accept help when offered. I wasn't great about that I'm afraid but I think I still bear the emotional scars of doing it all myself. I also didn't have many offers of help because we were one of the first in our group to have kids and no one really know what/how to help. I actually had two separate friends approach me years later and sincerely apologize that they weren't there for me more. After they had their own baby, they could better imagine the challenges I faced with twins. Of course, they didn't need to apologize at all but I thought it was sweet for them to acknowledge what we'd gone through. My neighbor is pregnant with twins right now and I'm wondering if I will be able to offer help. For me, because the twins were our first, meals weren't even as helpful as just a set of arms to hold a baby. DH and I could scrape together food (fast food or cereal were our staples) but my girls were fussy and high maintenance and just to have someone hold one for awhile was helpful. My BFF came over a couple times and we just chatted, watched TV, and each held a baby. That was so great because I got some social time as well as a bit of a break (your idea of "break" will change with twins). She would have done that more but lives out of state. Of course, if you can make meals ahead that is awesome. My church did pay for us to do one of those meal places and it was great.