I'm having trouble letting this one go...

[bigpassport]

I totally understand why you are upset. But I think the upset comes from your misunderstanding of Goodwill's operations and the people who buy at Goodwill. I don't think your friend did anything wrong. I echo others who encourage you to use this as a learning experience and find a shelter to donate to.

[mommylamb]

Why don't you sell the clothes yourself and then donate the money to a charity you support?

[123LuckyMom]

Why don't you sell the clothes yourself and then donate the money to a charity you support?

This is a good question, and I have an answer, and it gets to the heart of why I'm so upset, I think.

I have a belief in quality. I think it means something. I'm definitely one of those people who would rather have a very few quality pieces than a lot of stuff. I would far rather my children had a few very well-made wooden toys, or better yet, things handmade with care than a lot of mass-produced plastic things. I don't think everyone holds that particular value, and that's fine, but I do. I feel like there's something in the natural materials and the quality of those pieces that means something and makes them special. I like the idea of folks who aren't surrounded by lots of things of quality to have access to them. Maybe the kid wearing the Ralph Lauren pea coat wouldn't know or care about it's quality, but maybe there's something intrinsic to the item itself that would communicate. I know that sounds strange, but I remember having a friend in grad school who had grown up grindingly poor. She said she'd never understood the concept of art growing up. Her family didn't own a single thing for decoration. Everything they had was utilitarian and cheap. Things can be utilitarian and beautiful, though, and that can make a difference. It's why I love things like Shaker design. I'm upset because I wanted the clothes themselves to go to someone needy who might not otherwise have access to a really good coat, for example.

My husband, who grew up poor, tells the story of going into a shoe store when he was young to buy a pair of penny loafers. The guy in the shoe store refused to sell them to him. He told him he'd never have any use for them, and what he needed was sneakers. That encounter fueled my husband's desire to prove to the world that he WOULD have a need for those penny loafers. He worked his way out of the ghetto and through a PhD. He still talks about wanting to go back to that shoe store and show that guy his doctorate. It's about the stuff itself sometimes and what it represents and also about who deserves the quality goods. I guess I have a great desire in life to tell all those kids growing up poor that they need penny loafers and a really good coat.

Thanks for the therapy session, you guys! I feel much better!

[khm]

I think maybe you had an idealized vision of donating. Imagining someone in the stuff, imagining how happy it made them, etc. That's ok, but that isn't always what happens.

Would you be bothered if a very wealthy person had bought it? They too would be "taking" it from someone who "needs" it more, right?

The store wants EVERYONE to shop there. They want the purchase money, they want stock to turn over, etc.

I know that a good chunk of the stuff I donate ends up in bales and recycled. Yes, it makes me a bit sad, I suppose, but those bales are also $$ for them. They are a store. They made their $$ on the sale not matter how it plays out. If someone turns around and re-sells it, it is no skin off their nose.

The sheer amount of clothing donated anywhere is huge and a bit overwhelming for me to think about. Our goodwills are SO VERY WELL stocked, I'm positive they can't possibly sell all of even the "good stuff". There is just too dang much.

One day, my daughter and I stopped in to donate and shopped, something we hadn't ever done. She had this stunned look on her face and said, "Mom, this stuff isn't even USED." I don't know what she thought goodwill was all this time we'd been leaving stuff there, but it was clear she was in awe. It did make me feel a bit like a tiny cog in a big consumer machine. Buy buy buy, organize organize organize, donate donate donate.

I've decided just to be happy stuff isn't in a landfill.

For me, selling clothes is just a ton of effort. I don't enjoy it and don't find it "worth it". If it is worth it for some else, then more power to them. I can't imagine sitting on 6 figures and a new kitchen and futzing with used clothes, but maybe she gets something out of it beyond money, it's just a fun hobby or whatever. Thrill of the hunt, etc. I see moms on our local FB trade site peddling stuff back and forth for pennies. These moms do not NEED to do this financially, but they apparently enjoy it!

ETA - I cross posted with you, sorry! Your penny loafer story is great. I think you should totally find an appropriate children's charity, it means a lot to you.

At our kids' school, the office staff accepts coats and some clothing and doles them out to the kids they know need them. They have quite a nice system actually (the kind of spread it out between the 2 elementaries if they can, so the kids don't see their coat and make note of it being a hand-me-down). Check and see if your school does the same?

[KrisM]

Okay, I have no idea how much a Ralph Lauren pea coat would cost new. Let's say $50. That's waaay more than I'm ever paying for a toddler's coat. But, maybe I'd pay $20 on ebay. So, then my kid would be able to wear it when I didn't live near your Goodwill and would never spend $50 on a coat. Wouldn't that be what you're hoping happens? Someone who wouldn't otherwise have a $50 coat would be wearing it? Lots of people buy on ebay to buy things they otherwise couldn't afford, too.

[AngB]

At our kids' school, the office staff accepts coats and some clothing and doles them out to the kids they know need them. They have quite a nice system actually (the kind of spread it out between the 2 elementaries if they can, so the kids don't see their coat and make note of it being a hand-me-down). Check and see if your school does the same?

Great idea. I would see if you could find a program like Headstart or daycare/preschool-like places that may have children from low income families that could use the clothes.

[wellyes]

I feel about Goodwill resellers the same way I feel about "gray market" tickets ( which is, in a big city, why you can never ever buy a face-value ticket for a popular sporting event or concert. All tickets purchased immediately and resold at a higher price privately.) It's not illegal, but it isn't really adding any value to the transaction..... just a middleman pocketing a little cha-ching at the expense of the little guy.

It's not wrong, it's OK, but I feel like the OP. I know there are a whole lot of Goodwill shoppers without the means or ability to Craigslist and eBay. It is a shame they get left with what truly is just the scraps in this modern world.

[hellokitty]

it sucks and I'd be stewing too, but lots of people shop at Goodwill. You have no idea who is getting those clothes.

I would consider this an excellent learning opportunity. If you are angry now, you will most likely not let that happen again. Find the closest home for battered women, call around. There are definitely lots of needy families, you could really help. You just have to find them.

I donate to local, "clothes closets" and the domestic violence shelter. These clothes aren't ones that ppl can buy, they are for those who truly are needy and need it. You can also find different places other than goodwill like our hospice has their own thrift store and I like to donate stuff there too.

[Green_Tea]

My understanding of the purpose of the Goodwill store is that it does not exist to provide inexpensive clothes to the economically disadvantaged, but rather it sells used goods (to whoever wants to buy them, regardless of their income) and uses the proceeds to support other programs.

I don't think your friend did anything wrong, or is really even walking a fine line. Buying from Goodwill fulfills their intended mission.

This is from the FAQ on their site:

If I shop at a Goodwill store, will I be depriving disadvantaged people of stuff they need?
No. Goodwill serves disadvantaged people by educating, training and placing them into jobs. By becoming gainfully employed, these individuals gain resources to buy the things they need. Many disadvantaged people who are in training or are employed by Goodwill Industries are offered vouchers or discounts at Goodwill retail stores.

http://www.goodwill.org/uncategorized/faqs/#d6

[ahisma]

I get what you're saying, OP. We have a tight budget, but buy quality over quantity. Not so much brands, but craftsmanship. Because we're buying quality, things are often in great condition when we're done with them.

We have 3 ways that we pass things on:

1. DH's students / former students: he teaches in a low income district with a lot of teen pregnancies. We've passed on fabulous baby gear to some of his former students. I saw a pic on facebook of one of his former students carrying their baby in DS's old Ergo. Beautiful. We also give housewares, clothes, etc based on needs sent out by the counseling department via email.

2. Community Based Nonprofit: There is a very impoverished neighborhood about a mile west of us. They have a "store" where residents can come shop. It's very under stocked, most of their donations come from within the community and are generally things that Goodwill would reject due to poor condition. We take stuff there, knowing that only community members can shop there.

3. Local Refugee Support NonProfit - they post on FB with specific needs, we fill them when we can.

I think that you'll find that there are community groups in your area that work directly with targeted populations. They're not always obvious, I only learned about option #2 when by DD did a Day of Caring through school there - and it's a mile from home!