Sexist Parenting Stereotypes

[dogmom]

I am so #*($&% sick of people assuming I am the primary parent. They say they don't, but they do. I'm filling out my extended care forms for school. First section, kids and parent's name and addresses. Father's info goes first, fine. Second section, phone numbers, Mother's phone # goes first, then Dad's. NO! Don't call me first. Call him. If I'm at work I can't come get my sick kid, I'm taking care of sicker adults. The former secretary at the school actually told me when I tried to tell her to call my DH first in an emergency that, "She couldn't change that, it was in the computer." So sure, leave messages on my cell phone that I can't answer because I am rushing someone off to the OR. Or interrupt my friends important executive meeting to say that her son is sick because the called her house first an no one was at home. Her stay at home husband was at the store, call his cell! I wouldn't mind if they listed it in that order because 80% of the time it's the mother's or whatever, but put someplace for me to indicate who to call.

Oh and I could go on. Mom's need to volunteer. They get guilt if they don't Dad's get praised for just showing up. I frequently go on strike now and tell them to deal with my DH with scheduling issues. Yeah, he sucks at it, but he's the one that will take them more than 50% of the time and he's the one that I will have to tell 3x if I do the scheduling. Let him do it.

[Still-in-Shock]

I hear you!

One thing you can do is switch the phone numbers on them. If you know they will always call the mom first, give them dad's number. When Dad answers, he will have to correct them, but they will have already dialed the person they need to talk to. Screw their computer, and to Hades with their Neanderthal thinking.

Hoping things get easier with your parents soon.

[TwinFoxes]

That sucks. Our preschool forms say "primary guardian" and "secondary guardian". Seems much more neutral.

[TwoBees]

That's annoying, and sexist.

What about a kid with two moms, or two dads?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Oh I hear you. I totally hate that. Why is mom always the "default?" Dad merely showing up to a kid event - he gets tons of praise and labeled as a "super-involved dad." Mom doesn't attend a few events - "aw, poor kid." Say what?

I consider myself really lucky, now that i work DH does the lion's share of the household & kids stuff..he is definitely the "primary parent", at least when he is not traveling. DH is the primary ones who picks DC up, drops off and makes dinner, as i don't home from work until after 6 usually. I think it's so strange that that's considered so unusual.

[abh5e8]

i hear ya op. i had to ask probably a DOZEN times to get my dh's email added to the dc's homeschool co-op email list. no matter that HE IS THE ONE WHO BRINGS THEM EVERY SINGLE WEEK. the continue to only email me or call me first.

[trentsmom]

That would be annoying! I just filled out some paperwork for camp, and they had you check a box beside the person to call in case of an emergency. I think more forms should have that option!

[twowhat?]

It's sad but it ain't gonna change until 1) Dads in general get more involved and 2) Workplaces make it easier to balance work and family (for both Moms and Dads). I admit that it totally shocks me how little some of my friends' husbands do and how little it bothers the wives...I get that it "works" for them as a couple but to me it's just plain not fair for the husband to get hours every week to himself to do a sport or whatever, and for the wife to RARELY get a break because it is assumed that childcare duties are assigned to her. But...since this "works" for many couples, the unfortunate stereotype will live on...

I agree with just putting your DH's phone number into the "mom's contact info" fields!!

[kijip]

What kills me is that moms get little to no appreciation or credit but a dad is treated like a superhero for doing anything people assume is "mom's job." I walk down the airplane aisle with a fussy tot having a diaper emergency, people scowl because the tot is a fuss bucket. My husband does it? No fewer than 3 people tell him he's a great dad. Has anyone else observed this phenomena?

[kijip]

That's annoying, and sexist.

What about a kid with two moms, or two dads?

My brother has this problem. His daughter's school assumed his husband was the stepdad and the mom was dead or something. It was weird.