Sexist Parenting Stereotypes

[elektra]

Well I am the one who needs to be called for such things because even though I work too, I am the one with more flexibility and who does the household scheduling, appts. Etc. however i also handle our finances and It always irks me that DH's name is listed first on our mortgage docs, taxes, etc. The tax people used to always contact him first to set up the tax appts or to fax back docs, even though I was the only one who had ever contacted them or responded. They must have finally changed it in their system or whatever because they now just contact me.

[citymama]

What kills me is that moms get little to no appreciation or credit but a dad is treated like a superhero for doing anything people assume is "mom's job." I walk down the airplane aisle with a fussy tot having a diaper emergency, people scowl because the tot is a fuss bucket. My husband does it? No fewer than 3 people tell him he's a great dad. Has anyone else observed this phenomena?

Yes, totally. When DH would sling up the babies and walk down the street, people would ooh and aah like he was the most amazing dude ever. He once got called "superdad" just for baby wearing. I walk down the street with baby in carrier and I am lucky to not get elbowed, let alone not get any applause. Moms get no breaks!

[mommylamb]

however i also handle our finances and It always irks me that DH's name is listed first on our mortgage docs, taxes, etc. The tax people used to always contact him first to set up the tax appts or to fax back docs, even though I was the only one who had ever contacted them or responded. They must have finally changed it in their system or whatever because they now just contact me.

This is one of the reasons why we just changed financial planners. He always wanted to deal with DH instead of me, and DH wanted as little to do with it as possible.

[sarahsthreads]

What kills me is that moms get little to no appreciation or credit but a dad is treated like a superhero for doing anything people assume is "mom's job." I walk down the airplane aisle with a fussy tot having a diaper emergency, people scowl because the tot is a fuss bucket. My husband does it? No fewer than 3 people tell him he's a great dad. Has anyone else observed this phenomena?

Yes. It drives me nuts. The kids act up for me in church and the old biddies turn around and glare at me like "why on earth can't you control your kid?". DH takes the kids to church by himself and they act up and he gets compliments on how adorable they are and what a good job he's doing bringing them to church so they can learn how to behave there.

Whuck?

And it's like that no matter the venue - I work evenings, so DH brings the kids to lots of things without me, and he's always the super-dad for doing so.

Our school forms have "parent 1" and "parent 2" with checkboxes for "mom", "dad", "step-mom", "step-dad", "guardian", etc. (They actually have contact information for up to four guardians - with the same checkboxes - in addition to emergency contact types of information.) I do always put myself first because I am the SAH parent, but it's nice that other families have options. (The form would easily accommodate step-families, families with two moms or two dads, a mom and a grandmother, etc.)

Sarah

[Twoboos]

Kind of a spinoff/hijack but... It makes me crazy nuts insane when DH is with the kids (without me) and people say he is BABYSITTING. Hello, he's the DAD.

I have corrected people in the past and will continue to do so.

[Still-in-Shock]

Kind of a spinoff/hijack but... It makes me crazy nuts insane when DH is with the kids (without me) and people say he is BABYSITTING. Hello, he's the DAD.

I have corrected people in the past and will continue to do so.

Thank you. I totally p!$$es me off when a FATHER says he is babysitting. I've been known to say "You're not babysitting, you are are caring for YOUR CHILD!!!! Or is this someone else's?"

Uh-oh. You got me started.

But having men get praise for being with their children does have it's benefits - it encourages them to keep doing it!

[gatorsmom]

Op, that would annoy me. I get that stereotypes are hard to change but it isn't hard to follow specific directions. "if there is an emergency, call my husband first". Is NOT hard to figure out.

I will admit I'm having a hard time with remembering the stereotype thing. The only SAHD who is in our playgroup has to put up with us old biddies all the time. When the SAHP get together he is the only guy in the group. And even though he is one of the most hands-on parents in the group, we make stupid mistakes all the time. Just the other day one of the moms started talking about periods. The whole group of women joined in. But not AL. He got very quiet. Then we started talking about breast feeding and then pregnancy experiences- particularly weight gain and insecure feelings about that. About that point he walked in the other room and started playing with the kids. I felt bad and apologized later. They are just hard habits to break. He understood it will take time for us old women to remember he is just as much of a hands on parent as we are.

[ladysoapmaker]

I hate that. And it's clear on our school forms (long distance work number for me and no work listed for DH) who is the primary parent.

One day the school called me, right before a meeting or something. Either way I was stressed and in a hurry. The nurse said I had to get my child, to which I snapped and said "I'm an hour away and if you call my husband he can be there a lot quicker". She had the audacity to argue with me to which I said "call DH" and I hung up. I haven't gotten a call from the school since. And the sad part was DH's number and name were first on the call list.

Jen

[dogmom]

I hate that. And it's clear on our school forms (long distance work number for me and no work listed for DH) who is the primary parent.

One day the school called me, right before a meeting or something. Either way I was stressed and in a hurry. The nurse said I had to get my child, to which I snapped and said "I'm an hour away and if you call my husband he can be there a lot quicker". She had the audacity to argue with me to which I said "call DH" and I hung up. I haven't gotten a call from the school since. And the sad part was DH's number and name were first on the call list.

Jen

I remember some interview with a female journalist about how you feel guilty leaving your kids for you job. Then she proceeded to tell a story about how she was on a transport plane ready to go to Iraq and the kids school calls that they are sick. She went on in interview to say how she decided to change her priorities and change jobs. I was thinking, "How the heck did they get your number? Why were they calling YOU." I'd be all, "I'm sorry I'm about to go into a war zone, call my husband."

Yes, if someone called me at work and I answered I would be explaining to them in great detail what would happen to my patients if I suddenly left.

[AnnieW625]

I hate to say it, but until every single woman in the world with children works it will always be this way. It is always assumed that women are the care givers.

Heck. My kids have their yearly visits with their new doctor this coming Wednesday and call me crazy or what not but I don't want to miss them. DH has way more sick time to use than I do, but I will probably tell him not to worry about taking them because I want to go. Same thing with DD2's first dentist appointment at the end of the month, or the first drop off for her at her new daycare tomorrow morning.

I think it is just natural to think that the mom wants to be the one who is contacted first.