Um, 'Scuse Me?

[lizzywednesday]

If you had already agreed with him that he be the one to get your DD ready and off to daycare on the days that you work, then what you did was absolutely NOT a stunt and he's being the jerk for not holding up his end of the bargain.

No, to be fair to DH, we actually don't have any kind of an agreement about who would get DD up and dressed; I think he just assumed that I would do it, but now that DD is very willful and quite independent, it's becoming more and more time-consuming to get her up, dressed, and out to his car in the mornings. So, yes, I will give him that it was rather stunt-y and I was being immature about doing it, but, dang it, it was REALLY nice to not get stuck in any stupid volume backup.

All he's agreed to was to do drop off because I was doing all drop-off and pick-up ... and it was just too much for me to get to the office at my preferred 7:30am if I also did drop-off because daycare doesn't open until 6:30am (which is when I need to be on the road northbound, not southwest bound.)

But I still disagree that I should have woken him up after his alarm was accidentally switched off ... or that I should have woken him up when I got up (at 5:50am because I don't set an alarm, seeing as how I automatically wake up at around 5:30am if I get to bed early enough) It's only 2 days a week; the other 3, I telecommute, so I can wait until DD wakes on her own if I so choose. (Sometimes I get her up to get her out the door in time to have breakfast at daycare so I don't have to supervise breakfast at home with a sparse pantry.)

He is still an adult and should be responsible enough to get his arse out of bed without me prodding him.

It's hard enough doing it for our DD, I do not need an extra layer of baloney from the other grownup in the house.

[sunnyside]

I'm sorry, I know how tough it is to get a 2.5 year old ready and get to work on time.

[niccig]

We had a similar fight over getting things done in the morning.

I can't get DS's breakfast, lunch, he can dress himself (8 yrs old, but you have to be on him to not dawdle), feed the dog and put her outside and get myself ready too. Well, I could but I'd need to get up earlier than DH, and how is that fair when he only got himself ready, and drives DS to school. He did help at times with above things, but it wasn't consistent.

One day we had a bust up over it. I told him outright it was unfair, and he need to take on some of the load. I gave him a choice, he could do breakfast or lunch or take care of the dog/make sure DS is ready. He chose dog/staying on DS to get ready. Occasionally, he'll make breakfast. I don't mind doing lunch/breakfast as I do my own at same time. Sometimes DH needs me to drive DS to school, but he has to tell me day before and not last minute "oh, you have to drive as I need to get to work early."

You two need to divide up the work so it's more balanced.

[OKKiddo]

Sounds like your husband has hit the "snooze" button on your life as parents and hefted the majority of the parent load on you. It must have come as quite a surprise to him when he rolled over to find he was the only one on deck for taking care of his child. And I don't find that stunty at all unless you snuck a pregnancy and the last few years by him and he suddenly woke up a dad?

[twowhat?]

No, to be fair to DH, we actually don't have any kind of an agreement about who would get DD up and dressed; I think he just assumed that I would do it,

Oh, OK I can see how he'd be peeved...but still. Let this be a lesson to him on how important it is that you get out the door on time and make an agreement that HE (your DD's DAD, after all) be responsible for getting your DD (HIS daughter) ready and off to daycare on the TWO freakin' days that you need to get to work so that you can get home ON TIME to take care of HIS CHILD. Sheesh.

[BabbyO]

Tell him how lucky he is to have YOU as a wife and not me! For the last 4 years DH has gotten our kid(s) ready for daycare and dropped them off on his own. I put out clothes for the kids and make sure their lunches are packed...but since Stachio was 3 mo old, DH has done ALL the AM care. I don't wake him up, I don't help with the kids (unless I'm actually still home). Most of the time I'm gone before they wake up or just as their waking up. Of course I do more of the PM care most of the time.

Just thought I'd give you that in your back pocket when he tells you that most of the guys he knows don't do anything!

I totally agree, though, you should not have to do any of those things...especially waking him up! I used to wake DH (pre-kids) then I learned it is not my responsibility. Once he realized I wasn't going to do it anymore...he started getting up on his own.

[scrooks]

Tell him how lucky he is to have YOU as a wife and not me! For the last 4 years DH has gotten our kid(s) ready for daycare and dropped them off on his own. I put out clothes for the kids and make sure their lunches are packed...but since Stachio was 3 mo old, DH has done ALL the AM care. I don't wake him up, I don't help with the kids (unless I'm actually still home). Most of the time I'm gone before they wake up or just as their waking up. Of course I do more of the PM care most of the time.

Just thought I'd give you that in your back pocket when he tells you that most of the guys he knows don't do anything!

Ditto this exactly...over the past 5 year I have worked either 2 or 3 days a week. On those days I leave before anyone else is up and DH gets them to the sitter. I actually think even i make it too easy for him...I leave out clothes and make sure lunches and backpacks are in the car.

[Kestrel]

Is he a night owl?

I agree that you need more of a balance here... but perhaps it would work better if he was responsible for laundry/daycare pick-up/dinner on the days that you work? It sounds like he's unreliable in the morning. If that works for you, of course.

It is completely unfair for you to be expected to do it all.

(I told my DH that as soon as he figured out how to make enough money to cover my salary & benefits packet, I'd be glad to stay home and do it all. Other wise, pitch in!)