Update in op Feel like I'm in high school again

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know it's the BP, so feel free to ignore. But I would say make sure you do some inviting too. And probably not everyone is invited to all the events. It probably seems that way, but I bet you they're not. And I agree with pp, let them know you're up for fun by saying "ooh, let me know next time!" Not in a "why didn't you invite me" way, but in a "lets have fun sometime" way.

It's not fun feeling like you're on the outside.

I don't mind advice. I do do some inviting. I could probably do more. It's funny b/c ds2 (mini me) has been trying to be part of a group all year at school and finally broke in so I asked him for advice the other day. He told me I should throw a party and invite them.

[mytwosons]

I just don't understand what people are thinking when they post things like that! I see it far too often and it really lowers my opinion of the poster.

I'm sorry you are feeling excluded.

[hellokitty]

SB, I feel as if I could have written your post. I am the same way, I'm not in a clique, but I am in several social groups and get invited to enough events, that I am friends with them, but like you said, I find out via FB that there are more get togethers that I wasn't invited to. It used to bother me a lot more. I'm not sure why it doesn't bother me as much now. I sometimes feel like being part of a clique has its negatives too (ie: potential for lots of drama). I guess I am kind of used to it, yet I also like having the ability to be in several groups, vs. a lot of ppl I know in cliques only hang out with that particular clique and it's more limiting. Anyway, last night I attended a baby shower with one of these groups, where I am friendly with everyone and kind of part of the group, but not in their inner circle. I feel like it's a chance to catch up with everyone, but IDK if I'd want to be in their inner circle.

Maybe it is my personality. I have only had BFF type of friendships twice in my life for a brief period and I was in a small group in HS, but was a bit of a wallflower. It is frustrating, and it's of those things that bugs me more sometimes and other times it doesn't bug me at all. Facebook can make it worse. The cliques where I am on the fringe of, the main women in the cliques are REALLY close, they see each other ALL of the time, do EVERYTHING together, their kids all play together and go to the same schools, etc.. I know that part of my issue is one or more of those details (ie: one clique, my kids are older and my kids go to a different school district and the moms there ALL live in the same neighborhood, it's not a mystery that I don't get to see/talk to them as often, just due to those types of details). Oh and this may sound silly, but I think one reason I am not in the inner circle of some of these cliques is that they often drink a lot. I am not a big drinker at all, and I think that makes me stick out a bit. Anyway, I totally get your post. It is hurtful to know that you are invited to some, but not all events, at least if you get an invite, you always have the option to decline, but not to be included at all sucks.

[KpbS]

I really don't like cliques. I recently quit a group of friends like you are describing because I realized it was taking way too much emotional energy to be around them b/c I was always on the "outside." I agonized over the decision for months but it has been great! Really freeing. Now I don't feel obligated to see them socially. When our paths cross we are friendly and brief and I don't care about when they are getting together/having playdates/etc. Hiding on FB is a good start if you have the willpower to keep it in place!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Good updates in OP

[bisous]

Snugglebuggles, I am glad to hear your update. FWIW, just from "knowing" you here on the board, it wouldn't surprise me if you were in fact, quite popular. Maybe people don't even realize that you don't have your own "group" since you mesh with everyone! Just an impression based on how you are knowledgeable, involved, laidback and accepting you are.

[TwinFoxes]

Nice updates. I do agree with Bisous, you do seem like someone who meshes well, but isn't blah. .

[AnnieW625]

Just seeing this now, but I feel the same way. I have always kind of felt like I am left out of a lot of things. I think I am kind of a hard person to get to know well and that can be a turn off to many people. I don't have a huge group of close friends either and 95% of the time I don't feel like I am missing out, but then I feel like poop when I see things like that on Facebook. I have a really hard time inviting people to do things because I don't like being told no.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Snugglebuggles, I am glad to hear your update. FWIW, just from "knowing" you here on the board, it wouldn't surprise me if you were in fact, quite popular. Maybe people don't even realize that you don't have your own "group" since you mesh with everyone! Just an impression based on how you are knowledgeable, involved, laidback and accepting you are.

Thank you. YOu sound like my mom, btw. I think my big thing is that except for a few times when I get down like in the OP, I am pretty easy going and just don't need to always be in a group. I do miss when it was a given that we always had plans for NYE or the 4th of July (we'd just call up and say, "so what are we doing?") vs waiting for an invite or organizing something.