Potty training a special needs kid

[joonbug]

My DD, freshly turned 4 (April), is still in pullups. It makes me want to pull my hair out but she.has.no.interest.or.motivation.to.use.the.toile t! I've tried a few times to pt, beginning when she was around 3, but to no avail. I took away pullups last summer, put a potty chair out and after peeing a couple time in the potty, she just stopped noticing. After a few frustrating days, I figured it was too early and put the pullups back on. She didn't seem to mind one bit. Then her preschool started (she goes to Preschool for Disabilities) and they started addressing it too. However, the beginning of the school year was pretty tough for her. One, she started getting every sickness imaginable (which is normal right). Second, she must have got scared of the classroom potty becasue she started holding up #2 to the extent of throwing up, reflux flaring, terrible (TERRIBLE) constipation, it all got resolved after a month of visits at pediatrician, GI, xrays, extra Miralax, Milk of Magnesia, suppositories. So I didn't push at all. Now fast forward to now. She seems to not really realize that she is peeing. At school as well, she can't differentiate between dry and wet. When wearing underwear, she won't notice when peeing sometimes. At bathroom time, she goes to the bathroom and forgets what she's doing there, starts playing, singing etc. She will not even try pooping on the toilet or potty chair. She sometimes thinks she's pooping but only pees (on the toilet). Not sure what to do? I know if I just go cold turkey with underwear, it will be mess everywhere. She has no interest in especially going #2 on the toilet. And I don't want to add to her constipation issues ( background info: she's very behind on feeding skills, we're only now moving more towards solid foods, 3/4 her meals are still blended foods, stemming from mouth aversions, gag reflex, reflux). Any advice?
The school says it'll come but sometimes I just feel like a failure here

[elliput]

Hang in there. It's a rough road, but your DD will get there. Definitely do not push the issue here as you can inadvertently create other problems along the way.

Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism or Other Developmental Issues- I purchased this book to help with getting DD to overcome her fears related any restroom which did not look like a residential bathroom, and to help with elimination/constipation problems. The author covers just about every issue you can think of related to toilet training SN kids.

[sariana]

Honestly, it sounds as though this is a battle that is not worth fighting right now. If she cannot tell that she is wet, she is not ready, whether she is 4 or 40. My DS was the same way for a while. He would be sitting in wet pants and not even notice.

I do know of one little girl with SN who "magically" got trained when her mom told her Mickey Mouse didn't allow 4 year olds in Pull-Ups at Disneyland (just before a family visit to the park--we're about 40 minutes from DL). That worked for them, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it.

I also know of a family whose son was in Pull-Ups through most of kindergarten. I remember his mom's excitement when she was able to announce to her friends that he finally was trained at almost 6.

You are not a failure. Your DD is dealing with lots of issues, and toileting just is not on her radar right now. She will get there when she is developmentally ready. (I know that's not easy to hear--I've BTDT.)

[Pepper]

You are not a failure! ITA with Sariana - if she can't tell when she's wet, she's just not ready to use the potty.

FWIW my SN child wasn't trained for daytime until he was 5, and my typical child *just* started using the potty right before his 4th birthday. He's still not fully trained for poops, he usually waits until we put his diaper on for bedtime and then goes.

Hang in there!

[joonbug]

Thank you All! Will wait until she's ready then... She won't go to elementary school in pullups, right? Right?? LOL. It's good to know I'm not the only one struggling with it.

Elliput: thank you for the book recommendation. Will check it out!

[karstmama]

^^she may. sorry, but ds finally trained at 6, in december. he'd been in kindy since august & did pre-k & two years of montessori preschool, all with people willing & trying to help him. he just had no idea at all what we were asking him to do, but once he figured it out, he has been totally reliable.

i just kept telling myself that once he got married it would be his spouse's turn to change him...