Thanks for the honesty

[firstbaby]

Thanks everyone for the kind words I totally expected people to decline for a variety of reasons, but the "not interested" really rubbed me the wrong way. It implies that 1)the venue of the party has to be "good enough" to want to come and 2)celebrating DS isn't worth sucking up the disinterest for FWIW, I do totally understand if laser tag is too much for kids and would never push the conversation. My best girl friend is not bringing her daughter for that reason and I totally respect it. I will let you know how the party turns out

[crl]

I get that, I really do. But IME not all hosts are the same way. Some hosts think he just needs to "get over it". Some hosts will share the fact that my DS is afraid of certain situations with their kids. So sometimes I have to choose between the possibility of coming across as rude and the possibility that telling the truth will give other kids one more thing to tease my DS about. That's some choice, huh?

I'm not saying the OP is like that. I'm saying you never know what other people are thinking when they respond a certain way.

I understand. We declined parties when ds was little for similar reasons. But I just said no or if a reason seemed necessary, prior commitment. I am completely fine with the idea that not traumatizing my son is a prior commitment so I don't even feel like it's a white lie. I would hate to hurt someone else's feelings trying to spare my ds'.

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

I don't get why any excuse is necessary. I would RSVP with "Darn it, we won't be ale to make. I hope you have a blast!" i agree with Crl, not scaring the bejeebus out of your kid is a prior commitment! Not interested is tantamount to saying "your party is lame". OP, I'm flabbergasted that THREE people declined in that way. Yikes.

[sarahsthreads]

I don't get why any excuse is necessary. I would RSVP with "Darn it, we won't be ale to make. I hope you have a blast!" i agree with Crl, not scaring the bejeebus out of your kid is a prior commitment! Not interested is tantamount to saying "your party is lame". OP, I'm flabbergasted that THREE people declined in that way. Yikes.

Yeah, I agree with this. I rarely give a reason other than "Sorry, we can't make it that day, have fun!". Anything else could be taken the wrong way. And I also do everything I can to RSVP yes to kid birthday parties, because we have hosted parties where only two kids showed up and I prefer to spare another child that disappointment when possible. (Seriously, this year I'm inviting 20 kids to DD2's party in the hopes that we'll get at least 6.)

Sarah

[Gena]

I understand. We declined parties when ds was little for similar reasons. But I just said no or if a reason seemed necessary, prior commitment. I am completely fine with the idea that not traumatizing my son is a prior commitment so I don't even feel like it's a white lie. I would hate to hurt someone else's feelings trying to spare my ds'.

Catherine

I guess I should have clarified better. We have declined invitations to laser tag with "not interested". These were not birthday parties for unrelated children. They were more of "let's get all the kids together for laser tag." We can't be unavailable indefinitely, especially when we are available for other activities. So I say that DS is not interested, because it's enough that these kids know that DS is scared of fire drills and tornado drills. They don't need to know that he is terrified of laser tag.

We have turned down family member birthday parties at laser tag. But family members know that DS can't tolerate laser tag and have birthday parties there anyway. So I figure our attendance isn't a high priority to them. Of course, they think DS should just get over it.

[crl]

I guess I should have clarified better. We have declined invitations to laser tag with "not interested". These were not birthday parties for unrelated children. They were more of "let's get all the kids together for laser tag." We can't be unavailable indefinitely, especially when we are available for other activities. So I say that DS is not interested, because it's enough that these kids know that DS is scared of fire drills and tornado drills. They don't need to know that he is terrified of laser tag.

We have turned down family member birthday parties at laser tag. But family members know that DS can't tolerate laser tag and have birthday parties there anyway. So I figure our attendance isn't a high priority to them. Of course, they think DS should just get over it.

Oh that makes much more sense. I wouldn't think anyone's feelings would be hurt when it is just a random get together.

And am so sorry about your family. My MIL refused to believe that ds had a milk allergy and that was incredibly frustrating and hurtful to me. I can't imagine how much worse it must be to have family just refuse to understand who your kid fundamentally is.

Catherine

[barkley1]

Thanks everyone for the kind words I totally expected people to decline for a variety of reasons, but the "not interested" really rubbed me the wrong way. It implies that 1)the venue of the party has to be "good enough" to want to come and 2)celebrating DS isn't worth sucking up the disinterest for FWIW, I do totally understand if laser tag is too much for kids and would never push the conversation. My best girl friend is not bringing her daughter for that reason and I totally respect it. I will let you know how the party turns out

Exactly...friends, or anybody with tact, should come to be a good friend and celebrate with the birthday boy...not just if the venue particularly suits them, jeez. I hope your DS has a super special, totally fun birthday - it will probably be even better without those lame, rude people there anyway