Update: Is there ever a reason not to get evaluated?

[mmommy]

Update: I met with the Director today. She was upset the teachers had approached me without her and clarified the worries. Apparently they have a Social Worker come and observe each class before the end of the year to help figure out needs to ease the transition into the next year. The SW looks at overall class dynamic and then focuses on any children they have flagged. DD1 had been pointed out because she had a horrible meltdown the week prior to the observation. (She was out sick the next day, so I thought at the time her meltdown was related to not feeling well). During the observation the SW didn't notice any real issues, but noted that DD1 is shy. In her notes, which the Director shared with me, she said that DD1 might benefit from some therapy/attention to help boost her confidence/ease anxiety, but that she would be surprised if DD1 actually qualified for anything through the city/county.

I left the meeting feeling a bit more at ease but also a bit more confused. The Director suggested that if we get her evaluated, we may get some valuable suggestions for tools/skill building, even if DD1 doesn't qualify for services...
Which makes me think may e its worth it to get the evaluation either way, right?
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DD1s preschool teacher approached me today about getting DD1 evaluated. I was/am surprised. She said they are worried about specific behaviors:
1. DD1 is fairly quick to cry
2. Sometimes DD1 prefers to play by herself instead of with classmates

DD1 turns 4 next week. Does she cry more than I'd like? Well, of course but she's 3! she's been getting MUCH better the closer we get to 4. She seems to be developing coping mechanisms, etc. she doesn't seem to cry more than any other 3 yo I know. She plays with other kids a ton, and is really exceptional with 1 yo DD2. DD1 has an incredibly active imagination, and her teachers have told me that most of her classmates haven't really grown into that phase yet. So, it makes sense to me that sometimes shed prefer to play alone.

I don't get it. I asked for more specifics, but this is pretty much all they told me. My mommy radar just isn't going off. Obviously I don't want to deprive DD1 of help if that is what she needs, but what kind of help does she need?

[ett]

I'm all for early intervention but I agree with you that I don't see any red flags from what you describe.

[edurnemk]

I'm all for early intervention but I agree with you that I don't see any red flags from what you describe.

DS is super quick to cry, he's 5 and he's still learning coping mechanisms. No one is concerned, his teachers have just mentioned it's something we need to work o, but he is a typical preschooler.

[inmypjs]

If that is truly all, I would not get an evaluation. My DD6 cries much more than I would like. My DS8 likes more alone time than other children. Those are temperament issues and those behaviors are likely a reflection of your child's too. And seriously for the crying - she is 3!

I will say it is really hard to think about getting an evaluation for your child. I might do some soul searching and ask if there is anything else going on with her that you would rather not see. You could always ask a few others you trust their opinion as well.

[JustMe]

I agree with the sentiment that I am all for getting evals and generally don't think they can hurt, but I don't see the need at all from what the teacher told you.

Do you think that maybe she can't articulate what her concerns are well?

I guess what I might do is to tell her directly that you don't see the need for an eval based on the concerns she has. Does she have others? What does she hope will happen from the eval (what services does she think your dd needs)?

If there is a director or anyone above this teacher, I would ask them for more info. if you can't get any from the teacher--not to go over her head, but just to hope someone else can explain it better.

Last thing I might do is ask to talk to the person who is doing the eval--what are the concerns? what will they be looking for? If they have a screening tool, it might be helpful to see it so you can see if anything on there is a concern for you.

[hillview]

I agree with the sentiment, that I am all for getting evals and generally don't think they can hurt, but I don't see the need at all from what the teacher told you.

Do you think that maybe she can't articulate what her concerns are well?

I guess what I might do is to tell her directly that you don't see the need for an eval based on the concerns she has. Does she have others? What does she hope will happen from the eval (what services does she think your dd needs)?

If there is a director or anyone above this teacher, I would ask them for more info. if you can't get any from the teacher--not to go over her head, but just to hope someone else can explain it better.

Last thing I might do is ask to talk to the person who is doing the eval--what are the concerns? what will they be looking for? If they have a screening tool, it might be helpful to see it so you can see if anything on there is a concern for you.

[egoldber]

I guess what I might do is to tell her directly that you don't see the need for an eval based on the concerns she has. Does she have others? What does she hope will happen from the eval (what services does she think your dd needs)?

If there is a director or anyone above this teacher, I would ask them for more info. if you can't get any from the teacher--not to go over her head, but just to hope someone else can explain it better.

Also, while I am all for evaluations, I think that it is possible to get them too young. Before kids are in early elementary, it can be very difficult to know what is a real issue like ADHD, anxiety, learning disorders, etc. or if the kid is simply still maturing. Not so say that early intervention is not appropriate in many cases, because it is.

What type of evaluation did the teacher suggest? Who do they suggest?

[Indianamom2]

Also, while I am all for evaluations, I think that it is possible to get them too young. Before kids are in early elementary, it can be very difficult to know what is a real issue like ADHD, anxiety, learning disorders, etc. or if the kid is simply still maturing. Not so say that early intervention is not appropriate in many cases, because it is.

What type of evaluation did the teacher suggest? Who do they suggest?

I agree with the sentiment, that I am all for getting evals and generally don't think they can hurt, but I don't see the need at all from what the teacher told you.

Do you think that maybe she can't articulate what her concerns are well?

I guess what I might do is to tell her directly that you don't see the need for an eval based on the concerns she has. Does she have others? What does she hope will happen from the eval (what services does she think your dd needs)?

If there is a director or anyone above this teacher, I would ask them for more info. if you can't get any from the teacher--not to go over her head, but just to hope someone else can explain it better.

Last thing I might do is ask to talk to the person who is doing the eval--what are the concerns? what will they be looking for? If they have a screening tool, it might be helpful to see it so you can see if anything on there is a concern for you.

Well said. Nothing is causing major red flags for me, but maybe there's something else? If it's just that, then I'd probably hold off.

[elektra]

In my experience, I have see kids who I think really need evals but have not been recommended to have them to my knowledge (ex. IMO my niece really could benefit from speech therapy. I know her teachers have not recommended it.)
I feel like the teachers don't say anything unless they think there is a big problem. So I guess I would not just dismiss it. I don't think they are just handing out the recos left and right.
However I agree with what JustMe said basically. I would ask more questions about their exact concerns. Maybe she is just not articulating them well as JustMe said.
If it is really just about crying and preferring to play by herself, I would also not be so concerned.

[crl]

I agree with everyone else. I would try to get more information from the teacher. Are there other teachers or aides who see your dd regularly? Maybe they have some insight one way or the other? Do you have any regular play dates with other moms who might have some thoughts? What does her dad think?

If that is truly all, I'm not seeing the need for an evaluation or even sure who you would contact for an evaluation.

Catherine