I am sorry. It probably isn't you, it is really difficult to find someone who can really take care of your kids well. I tried to go the afterschool nanny route with my kids this Fall, as it cost about the same as the afterschool program I have them enrolled in, but I struck out majorly and was too scared to try again. At least I know where my kids are and that there are rules the staff must follow at the afterschool program.
lucky single mom to 20 yr old dd and 17 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes