Apparently I have failed society.

[twotimesblue]

This issue is getting me down so badly. Ever since my beautiful DS2 arrived, I have been stunned by the number of rude comments that I have been subjected to with regards to my family make up. "Two boys? Poor you/Good luck, you'll need it/there's a special place in heaven for boy moms/your house must be a wreck/when are you going to get your girl' and the kicker, 'I'm SO GLAD I don't have boys!" At first I assumed that I was attuned to these hurtful barbs as I was postpartum and hormonal, but my beautiful DS2 is 8 months old now and the barrage is showing no sign of abating.

Yesterday, I went for a looooong awaited pedicure - my first bit of 'me time' in months. The lady doing my nails was chatting about kids so I pulled out my phone and proudly showed her a photo of my boys. She said - and I quote - "Oh no! The second one's a boy, too? I have a son and a daughter, boys are useless, they just eat all your food and play computer games all day etc etc". I was a bit taken aback, and said something like: "I love having two boys", to which she replied: "if you have no daughter you have no life! Who is going to go shopping with you when they're older? Who will spend time with you?' - rinse and repeat for 30 minutes. I was so upset I didn't know what to do - had my feet and legs not been smeared in some gross-looking minty unguent I may have stormed out in tears.

Fast forward to this morning. I took my boys to a 'meet the families' session with kids and parents from the preschool class my DS1 is joining in September. DS2 is in the Ergo, with a cute hat on, and one of the dads makes a beeline for him. 'Wow, isn't she beautiful? What a pretty little girl' (both my DSs have very full lips and long eyelashes, and are often mistaken for girls). I replied with a 'thank you, but he's all boy!' and you should have seen this dad's expression change, as though I'd told him something awful. 'Oh, you have TWO BOYS? Wow, you must have really wanted this one to be a girl. I'm sorry. Two boys. Maybe next time you'll get a precious girl?', and he slunk off!

Just as I was gathering my composure, one of the moms - who has one DS - told me she cried for 2 weeks after her gender scan, as she 'never wanted boys and didn't understand why anyone would'. Excuse me, WTF? Another mom - with 2 boys herself - then chimed in that she was still very sad that her infant DS2 was a boy, and that they'll HAVE to try for another, because she 'deserves' a daughter. Again, WTF WTF? My sons are a huge disappointment to society? I didn't 'deserve' a DD? I am ashamed to say I cried in the car on the way home.

A friend of mine recently told me: 'your boys are cute, but you'll never be the 'real' grandma! Think of how much women all hate their mother-in-laws', and it stung sooooo badly. I have honestly only had ONE positive comment when I've been out with my sons, as opposed to at least one negative remark daily, and it hurts. My boys are beautiful, sweet, precious, and while DS2 is too young to 'know', DS1 is 100% the opposite of almost every 'boy' stereotype (quiet, considered, sweet, polite, empathic, not an aggressive bone in his body). He usually gets pushed around by girls half his size in the park. But those girls - some of whom are downright bratty - are fawned over because they are the 'preferred' sex.

I know it isn't just me, as other 'boy moms' have told me they get the same treatment. Two of my best friends are 'girl moms', and they get nothing like it. DS1's best friend is a girl with a sister, and when we all go out to restaurants/playgrounds etc it is amazing to see how differently people react to the 2 DDs as opposed to my 2 DSs, even when her girls are being difficult. "Sisters for life!" "You're going to be well looked after when you're older", "two beautiful princesses, lucky you!"... you get the gist, and I've seen it all first hand. I'm royally sick of it, to be honest.

I'm sorry, society, for failing to produce a child with a vagina. I'm sorry to have 'failed' to produce a perfect 2 girl, or boy/girl family. I LOVE my boys with every fibre of my being, so PLEASE shut the hell up and stop upsetting our 'imperfect' family.

[ellies mom]

Wow! That is crazy. Boys are wonderful.

[Sweetum]

wow! that's just rude, insensitive and so wrong! It's wonderful to have boys. I have one and if we ever have another I would love to have another boy. they're fun, they're attached to moms (DH is attached to his mom, my bother is attached to my mom), and when they display love, they make you feel so special I'm sure it's the same with girls, but I am saying it's no different with boys. And I am a lazy, non-girly sort of mom. I barely get off my butt for my own shopping or "upkeep", and I doubt I'll buy all the wonderful clothes for a girl, so a boy suits my lifestyle just fine And guess what, you will be queen of the house when you are the only female in the house

ETA: and about being MIL, well, you will be what you make yourself. Who knows, you may turn out to be the world's best MIL. I know plenty of people who don't get along with their moms, so, it's not in the title, it's in the person. and grandkids! goodness...you just had your second!

[StantonHyde]

wow!! After I had DS, I just assumed I was going to be a boy mom. I was fine with that. Yes, I was very happy to have my daughter as the second child--for all the girl centric reasons. But I LOVE my son. What do they want people to do? Treat their sons like crap?? I am fortunate as there were a number of 2 boy families in our daycare. (the next largest were 2 girls. the boy/girl family was a rarity!) So we never had to deal with any of the anti-boy crap. But I have seen some anti-boy stuff in other venues and it flabbergasts me. (especially since my DD could beat the crap out of her brother!)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, i am shocked and incensed for you. that is SO wrong. i can't believe that many people said such insensitive things! somebody actually said "boys are useless?" wow.

it kind of gets me when i go out and a stranger would say "oh one boy and one girl? perfect family. now you can be done." i always thought "Um, what? you get to decide how many kids i have?" LOL.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: sometimes i hate people.

[ett]

Wow. I can't believe people would say such rude comments to you. We know many families with 2, 3, or 4 boys so have not really encountered any of the anti-boy comments here. Boys are awesome. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not having a girl. And I love shopping by myself when the boys get daddy time!

[petesgirl]

Wow, the nerve!! I'm so sorry, and I know I would have cried also. I am actually hoping for #2 to be a boy, I think 2 brothers would be awesome! And I have two brothers with children and my mom is their 'real' grandma because she has put in the time and effort to get to know them and shows interest in them. Those grandkids really do love my mom and prefer her.

[Still-in-Shock]

How WEIRD!!!!!!!!! I think it's a cultural thing. I know people who cried when they found out they were having GIRLS! Without a boy, how do your carry on the NAME!?? Eek. And people wonder why I don't want to know what our baby will be. I thought once the baby is here, people won't be able to beeeetch, but I was wrong.

((Hugs)) to you. I think that society is failing YOU.

[Mermanaid]

People are crazy ... don't let them get you down! They have no concept of how their comments can affect other people. Thought diarrhea?!

For the record ... when I found out DS was a boy I cried for a week. I WANTED another DD. But I quickly got over that and think back to how silly I was. I ADORE my boy.

[KpbS]

Wow, wow, wow. I CANNOT believe this has pretty much been the universal response to your sweet family. Unbelievable. I am so sorry. I never received these comments after DS2. People would occasionally ask if were would have another but even that was rare. Boys are wonderful!!! I love my boys!! Don't let the turkeys get you down!