S/O So he's my first kid - what of it?!?

[psimpson3-5]

This is kind of a s/o of the thread about having 2 boys.

I'm getting really annoyed at people who say things like, "Oh, is DS your first kid?" I respond, "Yes." Their response, "Don't make such a big deal" or "You'll learn not to...." or some other remark to make me feel small and stupid. I realize they might have good intentions but do they have to make me feel like an idiot?!?

[Pennylane]

That always bugged me too but now as a mom of three, I get what people were saying! When people make comments like this I always just smile, thank them for their "wisdom" and go about my day!

Ann

[lizzywednesday]

This reminds me of the time when I was having a less-than-civil "discussion" with DH's SIL after her kid opened a shut door to the room where my then-4-month-old DD was napping & I told the kid off gruffly. (My first impulse was to physically remove her from the situation, so my gruff whisper was kind of an improvement on what I'd wanted to do.)

Apparently, my reaction was "a first-time parent thing" ... no, it was a "your kid had no business being in that room" thing.

Sure, as you get older/have more kids, there are things that stop worrying/bothering you ... but at the same time, the reek of superiority with that kind of statement is really a hurtful thing.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's so hard not to say it and I should know better! With a 5 year gap, I heard it plenty. However, ime, they were right and I've actually apologized to my good friends for not understanding how different 2 is than 1. I try and zip it though.

[Melaine]

Personally I think the comments are completely founded, and yet still rude to make. I mean, if you have your first child, then you know it is your first, so any such comments are just rubbing in the fact that you are a newbie. One the other hand, telling you to "not make such a big deal", well IMO a lot of the things 1st time moms do, I wish I could do but I just don't have the time or energy. My standards have gone down but only from necessity not because I think it is better this way, ykwim? I wish I could keep DS from eating dirt and make him ride in the stroller and never give him sugar. I did all that with the girls but it's different this time around.

[queenmama]

I've been there! We have 12 years between our children and I was actually "told off" by a friend who was saying she was "more of a mother" than I was since she had three kids and I just had one, never mind that DS is 13 and her oldest is 5.

I truly don't get the competitiveness of some mothers. Even now that I have two I don't understand where she was coming from!

Lara

[Gena]

I hated those kinds of comments. In my case a lot of times those types of comments were used to belittle or brush aside my concerns about DS's development. The comments from strangers were bad enough; the ones from relatives were especially rude and hurtful.

After DS was diagnosed with autism, there was a part of me that wanted to seek out everyone who had ever dismissed my concerns and tell them, "No, it wasn't that I was an over-reactive first time mom or that I didn't know what I was doing. There really is something unusual about his development and a whole team at Children's Hospital agrees with me!"

[mommylamb]

It sounds like some of the things you're doing that are eliciting this response are not first time parent things, and just differences in parenting styles and that these people are being condescending. However, I know that there are some things I do or allow with DS2 that are different from how I was with DS1. I'm more likely to let him eat off the floor for example. But I don't think eating off the floor is what you're referencing here.