Uneasy feeling?

[rin]

I hate being pregnant for exactly this reason; I know it sounds crazy, but even though I've never had particularly difficult pregnancies the thought of being pregnant gives me over-the-top anxiety. I had two miscarriages before conceiving DD1, and then hemorrhaged throughout her pregnancy. I was absolutely convinced she was going to die in utero, and coped with it the way PPs have said; just didn't let myself get attached at all. With DD2's pregnancy, even though it was a textbook pregnancy I just couldn't let myself get attached until she was born, and even after she was born I remember feeling completely detached, asking the doctor if everything was ok with the baby. I don't necessarily think it's healthy/good to be so detached, but that's the only way I could cope.

I would say the most helpful thing is to find people (either IRL or online) who know where you're coming from, and will be supportive rather than make you feel like a terrible person for having those feelings. People would always tell me that it was going to be alright, and I hated that; it's not always alright, and sometimes it's just awful and terrible. But if you have support around you, even in the worst case you *will* pull through.

That said, most of the time babies do turn out just fine, otherwise there wouldn't be so many people in the world!

[DualvansMommy]

Hang in there! i know, easier said than done...i'm the exact same as you; very low progesterone levels that i had to keep using vaginal sups for few more weeks longer than my RE wanted. I'm also not gaining any weight, in fact am losing several pounds thus far. But having said that, i was like that with my first pregnancy though. so i guess i shouldn't read too much into it. Thank you for your support!

[DualvansMommy]

I hate being pregnant for this reason. I had massive bleeding in my first trimester with both pregnancies. With this one, my progesterone levels were so low, my ob is not sure how the baby took. I did feel awful for awhile so that helped but I had people saying to me all the time that I wasn't popping and I should have been. I did not gain any weight for the first 20 weeks. This baby also doesn't move very much. Honestly, I just look forward to my next appointment to hear the heartbeat. I want to reach 30 weeks.

This is me exactly! had very low progesterone levels and am not gaining any weight, but losing several pounds. But then again, i was like that with my first pregnancy, so i shouldn't read too much into it. Thank you for your support! hang in there, and i know easier said than done though....

[DualvansMommy]

I have a friend who tried for 8 yrs to get pregnant and they finally did ivf but she really had a hard time being excited during the pregnancy. They bought a fetal heart monitor online that helped her feel ok about things. Would something like that be helpful to you?

Perhaps it would reassure my mind, although i'd feel slightly silly for going overboard. But, i guess not? i'll talk about this with my OB at my next appointment.

[DualvansMommy]

Hugs. Hopefully you will feel the baby moving soon. I don't like the uncertainty of the first half if pregnancy. I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow and I'm feeling so done.

I hear you. We had several losses, some of them late. I honestly just didn't get too attached to ds2 until I had him in my arms. Even while they were prepping me for the csection and I was hooked up to a heart monitor I was freaking out if he moved and I couldn't hear his heartbeat. This was just a few moments before heading to the OR. I can only tell you just try not to think about it...

I felt uneasy about my 1st pregnancy and was barely showing even though the 12 week screening looked good. I did wind up losing that pregnancy for no apparent reason at 18 weeks. I refused to get excited during my subsequent 2 pregnancies, but they both were healthy. There is no answer except have a support network and try to handle the stress. Many people had uneasy feelings and went on to have healthy pregnancies. Try not to stress too much until you have a reason to. Best of luck.

I had three (mostly) healthy babies, with only a small amount of normal pregnancy worry, especially before I was able to feel them kicking around. With my forth, I felt extremely uneasy the entire pregnancy. I "knew" that the baby wasn't going to miscarry, but the amount of dread and unease I felt the whole pregnancy freaked me out. I mentioned it to DH on many occasions. Baby number four ended up being born with complete cleft lip & palate, undiagnosed previously. I have thought about it ever since, wondering if my body instinctually knew that something was "off" during that pregnancy. It was really the oddest thing.

That being said, I think that every mom goes through those feelings of unease and worry. Most times everything turns out great. Best of luck!

Thank you ladies for sharing. It is hard, isn't it? i'm finding myself not becoming attached with this pregnancy, and i so wish it isn't the case! scrooks & llama8; it must have been heartbreaking for you! and perfectly natural not to get attached in later pregnancies, having said that though. I'm very glad you have beautiful DC's now. I think a part of my fear/unease is i found out not too long ago my best childhood friend got pregnant who's a mom of 5 kids, but died in utereo around 28-29th week though and had to deliver the baby knowing it's a stillborn. So heartbreaking and it was around Xmas time. It just highlighted to me, that while it's rare a baby can die before the birth.

I'll be seeing my OB on the 12th, so i'll bring up my concerns then. With my first DC, i used to think the monthly appointments was a PITA! and too much...now i'm so eating my words, feel like the first half of pregnancy should have more monitoring

[DualvansMommy]

I don't have a good answer, just commiseration. I feel like I was so naive with DD1 and even again with DD2, just trusting that everything would be OK - and both of them involved fertility treatments to conceive. And then I had a spontaneous pregnancy which ended in a m/c, and I've alternated between being a total nervous wreck with this (also spontaneous) pregnancy and feeling like it was "meant to be".

Actually, the closer I get to the end this time, the more and more uneasy I'm becoming, even being able to feel movement. Every time I get busy and think, "hmm, when's the last time I felt baby move?" I start thinking something is really, really wrong and have to poke at my belly until he gets annoyed and kicks me back...and with running the older kids everywhere I'm busy a lot so I have these moments of panic a lot. I'm 36 weeks tomorrow and really trying hard not to dwell on all the bad things that could happen, but I can't recapture the totally excited-to-meet-baby feeling I had towards the end of my first two pregnancies. It's definitely not healthy that I'm worried about opening the carseat box and setting it up in the car in case something happens and I can't use it, right? I'm actually enough worried that I think I'm going to talk about it with my midwife at my appointment on Friday...I'm starting to think it's more than normal pregnancy jitters. (Or maybe it *is* normal, which would make me feel better.)

Hopefully you'll start feeling movement pretty soon (all of mine were between 16 and 20 weeks) and that will be reassuring to you!

Sarah

I hate being pregnant for exactly this reason; I know it sounds crazy, but even though I've never had particularly difficult pregnancies the thought of being pregnant gives me over-the-top anxiety. I had two miscarriages before conceiving DD1, and then hemorrhaged throughout her pregnancy. I was absolutely convinced she was going to die in utero, and coped with it the way PPs have said; just didn't let myself get attached at all. With DD2's pregnancy, even though it was a textbook pregnancy I just couldn't let myself get attached until she was born, and even after she was born I remember feeling completely detached, asking the doctor if everything was ok with the baby. I don't necessarily think it's healthy/good to be so detached, but that's the only way I could cope.

I would say the most helpful thing is to find people (either IRL or online) who know where you're coming from, and will be supportive rather than make you feel like a terrible person for having those feelings. People would always tell me that it was going to be alright, and I hated that; it's not always alright, and sometimes it's just awful and terrible. But if you have support around you, even in the worst case you *will* pull through.

That said, most of the time babies do turn out just fine, otherwise there wouldn't be so many people in the world!

Sorry ladies, to overlook your replies in my last reply! thought i included your comments. Hopefully Sarah, you'll enjoy the rest of month as it's literally home stretch for you. I seem to recall you were worried that the baby may come early? and rin; yes i'm beginning to share your sentiment about not really enjoying the pregnancies due to so many unknown variables! and to imagine back home in Ireland, pregnant women only get seen by their OB or midwives once in first and second trimesters unless you've had complications or of AMA! That wouldn't have reassured me for sure.

[TxCat]

Well I was bad - I ultrasounded myself at work often during the first and early second trimester - at least 2-3x/month. . If I couldn't have done that, I probably would have purchased a fetal Doppler for at home. I think once you've gone through a miscarriage or infertility or a high-risk pregnancy, it is even harder to connect with what appears to be a healthy pregnancy.

[ncat]

I honestly did not stop worrying until DS2 was born. Did not have the same issue with 1st two pregnancies, but had miscarriage between and was AMA. I was especially worried in the 2nd trimester, after we had to tell everyone but before I felt movement. I don't have any reassuring ideas for you, but you are definitely not alone. I can tell you that I became attached very quickly after DS2 was born!

[BabyBearsMom]

Thank you ladies for sharing. It is hard, isn't it? i'm finding myself not becoming attached with this pregnancy, and i so wish it isn't the case! scrooks & llama8; it must have been heartbreaking for you! and perfectly natural not to get attached in later pregnancies, having said that though. I'm very glad you have beautiful DC's now. I think a part of my fear/unease is i found out not too long ago my best childhood friend got pregnant who's a mom of 5 kids, but died in utereo around 28-29th week though and had to deliver the baby knowing it's a stillborn. So heartbreaking and it was around Xmas time. It just highlighted to me, that while it's rare a baby can die before the birth.

I'll be seeing my OB on the 12th, so i'll bring up my concerns then. With my first DC, i used to think the monthly appointments was a PITA! and too much...now i'm so eating my words, feel like the first half of pregnancy should have more monitoring

Don't worry about not feeling attached. I wrote this post when I was 18 wks pg with DD2: http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...ll-down-a-wall worries about becoming attached to DD2 after a lot of scares in the pregnancy. Now that DD2 is almost 16 months old I can tell you that it doesn't matter if you feel detached during the pregnancy, the second I met her, I was head over heels in love. She was so beautiful and she has such a wonderful temperment. So hang in there and try not to worry too much.