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  1. #1
    Staraglimmer's Avatar
    Staraglimmer is offline Bargain Alerts forum moderator
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    Default Please tell me it is ok to Ferberize her

    It is the only thing that worked with DD1! I need 14 month old DD2 out of my bed! We tried it and she cried for almost an hour, checking on her (I had DH do it) made her more unhappy. She just stood there and cried. it broke my heart. What can I do at this point?
    Stephanie

    Mommy to two little girls,
    April 2008
    June 2012

    and a baby boy
    Oct 2018

  2. #2
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    Um, yes, it is okay. I ferbered DD1 when she was 6 months (DD2 slept on her own, so I didn't have to do anything). It took 3 nights and the first night was awful. Are you doing real Ferber (i.e. reading the book and following the instruction) or just letting her cry and checking on her periodically? I think it is worth it to read the book. I don't think that there is anythign wrong with Ferbering. I imagine it might harder with a 14 month old than a 6 month old since there are more habits to reverse, but it should still be doable. I have heard people say letting your child cry is child abuse, which I call a load of horse sh*t. DD1 was a terrible sleeper until we Ferbered her. But by sleep training her, she learned excellent tools and is now a fantastic sleeper who can go to sleep anywhere. Sleep is essential for everyone's health, well being and growth, so this is important.
    Mommy to my little bear cubs DD1 and DD2- 4/2010 and 4/2012

  3. #3
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    Seems I misread the original post and so will remove my comments.
    Last edited by tg_canada; 08-15-2013 at 02:25 PM.

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    Deleting link to article.
    Last edited by tg_canada; 08-15-2013 at 02:20 PM.

  5. #5
    mommylamb's Avatar
    mommylamb is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by tg_canada View Post
    Here's a article that presents some info on when the Ferber method shouldn't be used to and provides links to other alternatives. Also gives some background on where the Ferber method came from and arguments in favour of and against the Ferber method.

    ET remove article link
    l
    No bias agenda here at all...
    Last edited by mommylamb; 08-15-2013 at 02:37 PM.
    DS1 6/07

    DS2 2/12

  6. #6
    abh5e8 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    its ok....is that what you are looking for? i mean, i could not do that with my dc, but i know lots and lots of people do. so if you want to, sure, do it.

    if you are looking for other suggestions or things you could try instead, i can offer those. i have tried lots of things and found other working options for all of my kiddos.

    but op, i guess i'm not really sure what you are asking? (i'm not listing other options, as i'm not sure thats what you are looking for, and i know in that case, other options are not helpful)

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    .......
    Last edited by tg_canada; 08-15-2013 at 02:26 PM.

  8. #8
    mommylamb's Avatar
    mommylamb is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by tg_canada View Post
    Well I think most articles on sleep training have a bias to one side or the other. This article provides alternatives and it sounds like the OP is feeling like Ferber isn't the best choice since she is asking for validation that it's acceptable. Perhaps the other alternatives offered can give her some other ideas that make her more comfortable.

    Also, it does lists arguments for the method while at the same time providing some alternatives if you want the same outcome but don't want to use a different method.

    All the other articles I stumbled on were far, far harsher on the Ferber method and I thought this one did a better job of explaining the purpose and benefits while still giving you alternatives to achieve that. And as I said, the OP said using Ferber broke her heart so I read that as she wanted the same outcome as Ferber but without the method that was hurting her heart.
    The OP's title of the thread is "Please tell me it's ok to Ferberize her." The article seemed very one sided and intended to make a parent feel as if ferberizing will have a lasting traumatic effect on their child. Basically, if you do this, you are a bad parent. Sure, there are alternative methods, and I'm certainly not saying those shouldn't be considered by any stretch. But the way this article is worded, it is very clear where the author is coming from. I would consider it to be a mommy drive by in article form.
    DS1 6/07

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  9. #9
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    Removing my comment as again, I misread original post and also misunderstood how the community here works with regard to replying. Sorry.
    Last edited by tg_canada; 08-15-2013 at 02:36 PM.

  10. #10
    mommylamb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tg_canada View Post
    I read her title. That means we can't suggest alternatives if the OP sounds like she's looking for other solutions that don't break her heart? Are there forums rules to this effect that limit us to only answer the literal question asked? I'm asking honestly, not snarkily as I've been registered for awhile but read more than I post so I likely don't know all the rules here.

    I didn't take the article the same way you did and I think that's okay that we view it differently. My intention wasn't to make the OP feel bad. I just read the article for the first time today and I thought it was better than others for bias.
    I didn't mean to imply that you were trying to make her feel bad by posting it. But if I wanted to ferberize, which is what I interpreted the OP as wanting to do, that article would make me feel like a bad parent. Of course there are other options which could and should be considered. But these quotes have some very loaded language, and it is my guess that the facts and stats are cherry picked to support the authors conviction.

    ET remove quotes from article.
    Last edited by mommylamb; 08-15-2013 at 02:37 PM.
    DS1 6/07

    DS2 2/12

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