Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    12,556

    Default Are your twins antisocial because they have each other?

    The multiples forum has been dead for so long. But this weekend I really started to wonder about this. My girls don't play easily with other kids. Is it because they always have each other as a "safety net" playmate to fall back on? This weekend they even backed each other up...DD2 was wearing a princess dress that another little girl wanted to wear, and the other girl told DD2 "I want to wear that dress". DD2 (who simply doesn't stand up for herself) was on the verge of tears until DD1 walked up to her and whispered in her ear, after which DD2 told the other little girl "No, thank you" (as in "No thanks, I'm not going to let you wear it). It was very sweet but at the same time...this is gonna make it really rough on my girls when they split them up in public K (next year), right? What can I do to help prepare them? DD2 is especially dependent on DD1. I wonder if I should go ahead and tell them that when they go to "big Kindergarten" they will not be in the same class...but my kids are sensitive and anxious to begin with and that might just cause unnecessary stress and worry.
    Last edited by twowhat?; 09-08-2013 at 09:54 PM.

  2. #2
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    5,278

    Default

    I will come back when I have more time. My girls are not anti -social at all. They are outgoing and love being the center of attention and think everyone loves them... but we still have social issues which I think are caused by a variety of "twin " factors.

    I am not great about taking them to meet up with friends or having friends over because I think well, they can play together. Now in second grade it is becoming an issue, so I am making an effort. I think people are hesitant to invite them over because there are two of them. (Our school is small so everyone knows both of them) and, frankly, my girls can be overwhelming. They are always go go go. Also they play together so much they have a hard time adjusting to how other kids play.

    I will come back (I am at work on kindle) to talk about kinder.

  3. #3
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    12,556

    Default

    Thank you!!

    My kids are both very very shy so I do think that has a lot to do with the fact that they default to each other to play because they are comfortable and feel "safe" with each other. Kinder is going to be.....an adjustment I'm not looking forward to.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    DC Suburbs
    Posts
    21,124

    Default

    Our girls are close to the same age, mine just started K though. They get along really well, with just the typical sibling squabbling and wrestling matches (typical to me at least). But they have never had issues playing with other kids. In preschool last year I was mommy-helper 3-4 times a month, so I got to see them interact. They played with other kids just as much as they played with each other. But they were always aware of where the other one was, and what the other one was doing. If one was upset, the other one knew it, and they would comfort each other.

    We almost had them in the same class room this year, but we finally decided to split them up (it was our choice). It wasn't so they could "develop their individual personalities" (anyone who says that is NOT a twin mom, we know how individual our kids can be!) It's because they can be disruptive sometimes. Like for whatever reason they'll decide that they HAVE to have their twin help with a task (like sharing being line leader, or leading the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever). Or they'll get into big arguments with each other, bigger than they would ever get into with other kids.

    I personally wouldn't tell your DDs they'll be separated. As the time got closer I told the girls "we'll see who your teachers are, you might not have the same one". Then when they found out, it was like "luck of the draw". The girls' are in classes that share lunch and recess time, so they actually see each other fairly often. I was concerned that the girls would miss each other a lot, but their teachers have said they are doing really well with that. I heard lots of "I'm going to miss her so much" before school actually started. But, they're doing great. Maybe you can see if they'll be able to be in classes that do lunch together? My girls eat lunch together every day.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    CA.
    Posts
    568

    Default

    My b/g twins are super social. Almost too much sometimes.

    They have two older sisters and I wonder if that is one of the reasons. They are used to being around kids at ballet, soccer, school stuff and just being on the go with lots of kids around. This is their second year of pre-school and they both do an activity (Claire does ballet like her big sisters & Sam does soccer). They do love being together and playing but I have noticed at school (it is a co-op, so I work once a week) that they are really comfortable playing on their own with their own friends. They do like knowing the other one is around but they are both pretty confident little guys.
    Melissa

    Mom to Emma (4/03), Kate (7/05), Sam and Claire (6/09)

  6. #6
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    5,278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TwinFoxes View Post
    Our girls are close to the same age, mine just started K though. They get along really well, with just the typical sibling squabbling and wrestling matches (typical to me at least). But they have never had issues playing with other kids. In preschool last year I was mommy-helper 3-4 times a month, so I got to see them interact. They played with other kids just as much as they played with each other. But they were always aware of where the other one was, and what the other one was doing. If one was upset, the other one knew it, and they would comfort each other.

    We almost had them in the same class room this year, but we finally decided to split them up (it was our choice). It wasn't so they could "develop their individual personalities" (anyone who says that is NOT a twin mom, we know how individual our kids can be!) It's because they can be disruptive sometimes. Like for whatever reason they'll decide that they HAVE to have their twin help with a task (like sharing being line leader, or leading the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever). Or they'll get into big arguments with each other, bigger than they would ever get into with other kids.

    I personally wouldn't tell your DDs they'll be separated. As the time got closer I told the girls "we'll see who your teachers are, you might not have the same one". Then when they found out, it was like "luck of the draw". The girls' are in classes that share lunch and recess time, so they actually see each other fairly often. I was concerned that the girls would miss each other a lot, but their teachers have said they are doing really well with that. I heard lots of "I'm going to miss her so much" before school actually started. But, they're doing great. Maybe you can see if they'll be able to be in classes that do lunch together? My girls eat lunch together every day.
    So much of this is true for us also. They were in the same pre-k class, and I noticed much the same. They often played with others, but knew where their twin was and would run over to comfort each other. I was really, really concerned about what to do in Kindergarten. Some of the schools we were looking at had 5 or 6 kindergarten classes, and I might have put them together if we had gone to those. (in my state parents get to choose together or apart). The school we ended up at has two classes per grade and they see each other at lunch, recess, after care, and random times in the hall.

    Their pre-k teacher was really in favor of separating them. they weren't too dependent on each other, but they could be disruptive as TwinFoxes said. For us, another part was that in their pre-k class, even at the end of the year, teachers and friends could not tell them apart. I wanted to give each of them a zone where people would know who was who.

    We didn't tell them they'd be separated. We did what TF did - said we didn't know whether they'd be together or not, it just depended on who the school put them with. But that might cause more angst in yours. Separate classes, for the most part, has worked out well. But I hear a million times a week that it isn't fair that her class gets a treat/snack/special project/whatever and my class doesn't. And, in the beginning of K, before we knew people, a couple of kids had all-class parties, and didn't invite both. I stuck to my guns and only took the one who was invited. (now the parents usually tell me to bring both. Because the classes have mixed over the years, and so many do after care, they all know each other). That caused some drama, but I thought they needed to learn that they can't do everything their sister does.

    However, no one has just invited one or the other for a play date or sleep over. I can't imagine how we will deal with that. And again, because the school is small and they all know each other, they have the same friends. I do think that affects the number of invitations they get - people just don't want to deal with two extra kids (or maybe they don't like my kids... But I don't think that is it!)
    Last edited by fivi2; 09-09-2013 at 06:20 PM.

  7. #7
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    12,556

    Default

    I guess there's no point in worrying about it right now. I know they will be split up in public K, and that's what I would want because they are so dependent on each other. I know it will be a rough transition, especially for DD2.

    I've thought about trying to "prepare" them...talking to their current teacher about separating them as much as possible, etc but in thinking about this more, I guess now I'm thinking "why bother?" Either way it'll be hard, and since they obviously prefer to be together all the time, why not let them? It's their special bond and there's nothing wrong with letting them develop it for as long as they want. They're together 24/7. Every time I drop them off, they sit right down next to each other for circle time. Every time I pick them up, they're at the reading couch sitting side by side. Or they are at the computer sharing a chair. Or they are both playing a game together. I even ask them who they play with at school and the answer is always something like "Sometimes XXX. A little bit YYY. But mostly I play with my sister."

    Sooo....dreading public K!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •