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  1. #1
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Default Desperate....again. Please advise on sleep....again

    I am writing this at 1:40 since I am up anyway. DS is destroying my will to live.

    17 months and waking up tons of times, from 3-5 a night. He has been waking for the day between 4:30 and 5. His naps are still short. 30 minutes to an hour. Usually 45. about 9 and 2 but he is waking so early that even holding him off until 9 is hard.

    Tonight he has been crying for over an hour and a half. He'll stop for a couple minutes, then start again. He's hoarse. I go in there and he begs to nurse.

    I have got. to. wean. I am desperate to get back on anxiety meds. I am desperate for sleep. I cannot nap during the day. I am homeschooling the girls so it's not like they are off to school, and even if they were I cannot take naps. He nurses all day long, tons of times. This has got to stop. I have no idea what to do. PLEASE help.
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  2. #2
    goldenpig's Avatar
    goldenpig is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Oh dear, I'm so sorry Melaine! I am the last person who should give sleeping advice as all three of my babies were poor sleepers, but I can definitely commiserate. I'm still getting up with my 6 month old at least 2-3x a night on a good night and every hour on bad nights (usually when I eat something by accident that contains dairy, soy or eggs--he is allergic to all 3). Yet it seems like all of my friends have had babies who sleep 12 hours a night starting at 8 weeks. I tried to do CIO with DD and she would just cry and scream for over an hour and then throw up. All 3 of my kiddos have had silent reflux and dairy intolerance so I think they just couldn't sleep through the night because of the reflux. I think I started trying to night wean DD around 18 months...found one of my old posts about the process.
    http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...22#post2828922
    Both of my kids did not sleep through the night until about 2. DS1 still wakes up once or twice a night from scary dreams or wanting me to fix his covers. So between him and DS2 and work I am exhausted!

    Couple of thoughts/suggestions for you:
    1)I thought you had previously mentioned your DS was milk protein intolerant...are you still on the dairy free diet and is your DS also dairy free? If not and he is being exposed to dairy, maybe that could be contributing to his waking? My DS's always woke up a lot more if they were exposed to dairy.
    2)Sounds like he might have a sleep association with nursing and is comfort nursing a lot during the day? Can you rock him to sleep at night when he wakes? Gradually limit the time of nursing? Pick one nursing session to drop at night and rock and comfort back to sleep?
    3)DD was also constantly nursing during the day as well as at night. She was a toddler but nursing like a newborn. I had to teach her some nursing limits. I was advised by a sleep consultant to once a day during the daytime, pick a time where they are demanding to nurse (again) and you say, "No, it's not time for nursing right now." Only do this when you have time to deal with the inevitable tantrum. OMG she threw huge fits. She would cry and scream lie down on the floor beating her hands and feet on the floor in a rage. For an hour or more. You have to just let her tantrum run its course, hold her, comfort her, but no nursing. Then later after she's calmed down and some time has passed, say, "Now it's time for nursing!" That was super hard, but it helped because she started to learn how to soothe with other means than the boob, and at night I could say "it's not time for milk, it's time to sleep, we'll have milk in the morning" and she started learning to sleep without nursing. She had to learn the delayed gratification, and it was better to teach her that during the day rather than at 4 am.

    Good luck with your DS, none of the sleep training was easy or quick for me and I still don't feel like I have a good handle on sleep issues. I'm such a pushover. DS2 starts the night in his crib but then ends up in my bed the rest of the night. I tried letting DS2 cry in his crib the other night and I just could not do it--after 15 min he was in my bed nursing to sleep again. I hope you can figure something out because I can tell you are exhausted and at the end of your rope! I've been there many times too! Hugs!
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  3. #3
    queenmama's Avatar
    queenmama is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I couldn't read without replying. Our babes are the same age and we have some of the same issues, which leads me to believe that all Water Dragons are determined to put their mamas through their paces. :sly:

    Lara
    Mama to Henry (6/2000) and Agnes (4/2012)
    old school member of the BBB

  4. #4
    jgenie is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I remember being at the same place with DS2 and how desperate I was. I used the Jay Gordon method to wean DS2. Good luck!
    for Carmen

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I am writing this at 1:40 since I am up anyway. DS is destroying my will to live.

    17 months and waking up tons of times, from 3-5 a night. He has been waking for the day between 4:30 and 5. His naps are still short. 30 minutes to an hour. Usually 45. about 9 and 2 but he is waking so early that even holding him off until 9 is hard.

    Tonight he has been crying for over an hour and a half. He'll stop for a couple minutes, then start again. He's hoarse. I go in there and he begs to nurse.

    I have got. to. wean. I am desperate to get back on anxiety meds. I am desperate for sleep. I cannot nap during the day. I am homeschooling the girls so it's not like they are off to school, and even if they were I cannot take naps. He nurses all day long, tons of times. This has got to stop. I have no idea what to do. PLEASE help.
    Anyone would be driven insane by this situation! I don't have much advice about weaning, but moving to one nap may help things. Do you have any way to get him back to sleep at 4 am. If you could get him back to sleep for a couple days, you could move him to a 12 pm nap which will hopefully help his night sleep also. What about taking him in the car at 4am? Stroller? Obviously not what you want to be doing before dawn, but just temporarily to try and get out of this pattern.

  6. #6
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    I'm pretty sure my DDs had moved to one nap at that age. Try doing an early afternoon nap, right after lunch. Don't let him sleep too long. You can even move lunch to 11:30, get him down before 1pm.

    Does he have a special blanket or pillow? One he can use for soothing? With my DD who needs more soothing, having a special blanket helped. It is soft and had two textures, so it gave her something to rub and soothe herself with.

    Good luck. I would have locked myself in a closet I think.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  7. #7
    mommylamb's Avatar
    mommylamb is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I'm so sorry. And I feel your pain. DS2 (19 months) is a crappy, crappy sleeper and I often feel the same way (your destroying my will to live comment made some sense to me, sadly). There are times when DH and I look at each other and say, "and why did we want to have a second child." and then we feel super guilty about it because we do love him so much. He went through a big transition in the last month-- changing from our beloved home daycare to a center program, which we did for a number of very good reasons... in the long term. In the short term, it sucks. Plus, I had to go away for work for a week right after he did the switch, so his world was thrown totally upside down. It made a normally not great sleeper into a TERRIBLE sleeper again. It has made functioning at work extremely difficult for me.

    So, I feel your pain and I'm sorry. There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

    ETA: Most definitely move to 1 nap. And, no guilt on your part if you decide to ween.
    DS1 6/07

    DS2 2/12

  8. #8
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Oh guys thank you so much. I really needed the commiseration and these tips are really good. I would love to move to one nap but he is sometimes falling down sleepy by mid-morning so it is really hard to make it to lunch time. Also, when I do make it sometimes he only sleeps about the same as one nap: as little as 45 minutes. Should I just power through and be consistent with one nap in hopes that will change?

    I will come back to the thread and respond to more things, I'm also working on the BFing thing which is a huge obstacle. I've put on a really tight, high necked bra and a high t-shirt, and am telling him no. I've got to set boundaries.
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  9. #9
    Pilotbaby is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    First of all- yay to you for nursing for 17 months! Are you wanting to night wean or would you be ok with maybe one night nursing at a time determined by you? As far as the sleep, it sounds to me like there is a strong possibility he is overtired. Early wake ups often signal being over tired. I know that sounds strange. Also, a sleep cycle is 45 minutes so those short naps that he is getting are probably not refreshing him at all. We had to move to naps that are at least an hour and a half (two full sleep cycles) to get really well rested. What does your schedule look like as far as bedtime and nap times? If you are really desperate and wanting change, you might need to overhaul your schedule a bit. If you want to post more details, I can share with you what worked for us. Good luck to you!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    Oh guys thank you so much. I really needed the commiseration and these tips are really good. I would love to move to one nap but he is sometimes falling down sleepy by mid-morning so it is really hard to make it to lunch time. Also, when I do make it sometimes he only sleeps about the same as one nap: as little as 45 minutes. Should I just power through and be consistent with one nap in hopes that will change?

    I will come back to the thread and respond to more things, I'm also working on the BFing thing which is a huge obstacle. I've put on a really tight, high necked bra and a high t-shirt, and am telling him no. I've got to set boundaries.
    I really think you have to break the cycle. Power through a few days with no nap in the morning, give him an early afternoon nap. I would feed him at 11-11:30, and put him down right after. He'll probably be very refreshed after. I really think one nap will also help him to get to sleep in the evening. I really hope it works. Good luck!
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

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