I wish my parents would help me out.

[Green22]

Not with money but with time. I know there are a bunch of people on here who have parents that basically disappoint them with respect to how uninvolved they are or how little they offer assistance. It is hard to admit because I love and respect my parents so much, but i think I am accepting the fact that this is what it is - a disappointment and hurtful. I know they love my kids so much and I know they love me so much but they are just unwilling or unable to offer help like - hey you guys are so busy and have been battling illness for weeks, why don't I come up and watch the kids for the afternoon while you rest? No, never. In fact the only time they seem willing to help out is when we have a legitimate thing to do, but only if it is in the afternoon/not too late and only if they don't have x,y or a planned (like my mom can't babysit a sick kid when the cleaning lady is at her house). They will give us tickets to a sporting event and babysit then, but if I decline because dh isn't feeling great/is worn down, they won't sAy hey I will still come up. My mom also sees my friends on Facebook going on childless vacations, out to dinner with friends, etc and will ask who has the kids? And when I say their parents babysat for the 1-2 days she responds with oh I could never do that. Why? You couldn't babysit for 24 hours? I know people who have grandparents take the kids on vacation themselves! I also know we have food allergies and they don't want to take on the responsibility of cooking for multiple severe allergies for several meals. But good lord! Don't you care that I would love a break!?! Can you be inconvenienced by my kids health needs for 1 day??? Ugh.

My parents are kind and generous and supportive and I feel so badly that I feel this way, and I feel so badly that they don't really get as much interaction with my kids as I imagined. And this is while They re both able bodied and semi-healthy. They aren't very healthy people in general but we don't have walkers or major things like that yet. My dad beat cancer too, so you would think that would give him some perspective.

Idk just feeling irritated and down.

[elephantmeg]

here too! I totally get it. Except instead of multiple allergies mine are crazy and so my parents won't watch them. DH's parents will do spur of the moment stuff or short term (ie get the kids/kid off the bus and watch them for an hour or so) but don't ever volunteer.

[AngelaS]

I'm wiped out with mono and blood clots and my dad told me today that they can't get away to come help me. What? Once again, planting the garden is trumping me.

I totally feel your pain.

[crayonblue]

I get it. Green22 I'm betting you are the sort of person who WOULD do that for a friend.

[niccig]

I hear you.
My parents haven't visited in 6 years - granted it is an international flight, but we've gone there 4 times in that time period
They don't call. I spoke to them in Jan then again this week for Dad's birthday. I'm going to try to call them every 2 weeks for DS's sakes, not for their sake.
They do this with my sisters too. One sister just complained about it. My response to it has been: Don't go looking for milk in the hardware store. It sucks, but I can't do anything to change it, so I do what I want for me, eg. I'll call every 2 weeks, but I know they'll only call on our birthdays or Christmas. I reach out to other people for support. I'm sorry you have the same issue.

[hellokitty]

I'm part of this club too. It stinks, esp since we moved back to this state to be closer to both sets of parents, only to get basically no help or interest from either set. My friends with family OOS get more help than I ever had, and I pointed this out one time to my mom and she told me that I was ungrateful, since she lives 50 min away??? So, she completely missed the point, most of my friends who have family OOS, they're 3-6 hrs away and still manage yo try to help out. My parents are moving closer to one of my brothers and already gloating about how much they will help with my nephew, blah, blah, blah. I highly doubt that they will help, but if they do, it will be like a slap in the face to me, since I have 3 kids and my brother and sil have only one kid, and he will be starting full day school next yr, so its not like he's an infant or toddler. I hope that you feel better soon. Any chance that you can hire someone, almost like a postpartum doula, to help out?

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[belovedgandp]

Yep it stinks.

I've gotten so much better about being completely blunt with what I need, but it still doesn't help 80% of the time. My mom retired the same time DC3 was born. She declared she'd come out every Tuesday afternoon for a few hours since she knows how much help that would be for me to run errands by myself or whatever I needed. First six months she did. Next six months it was every three weeks on Tuesday. In the second year she was retired it was a total of 3 times; worst part were the three other times she had said she was coming only to call the day of and back out. I would have killed for the help that second and third year, DH was traveling internationally all the time and when he was home worked 60+ hours a week. We're now four years out and if I have a super specific reason and it works in her calendar she will help out but I better have exhausted all my friend options before I call her.

[npace19147]

When my mother was alive she was the same way with my nieces and nephews - she took the attitude that she had raised her kids, she wasn't interested in raising grandkids. Occasional afternoons over but that was pretty much it. My inlaws are out of state and when they visit they are willing to have the girls solo for a few hours but never any overnights. IMO I have learned that I need to pay for whatever help I need with the except of some playdates. On the plus side, if you have reliable paid help you know they are going to show up and not flake like many relatives seem to!