Update.....Mother's Day Disappointment

[DietCokeLover]

Update: I told DH tonight how I was feeling, that it felt as if he chose this other thing over me. he still didn't really get it. I tried to explain it again, but for whatever reason, he is clueless. I finally just said, "will you just admit it was a boneheaded decision?". He repeated it, but he still seems dense. since then, he has hardly spoken to me. Great. That helps.




This is my first Mother's Day without my mom. I think I am experiencing delayed grief and have been really struggling lately. DH has not worked for about 6 months, and just recently picked up a part time job. He is scheduled to work on Mother's Day. I wouldn't like it, but would be understanding, except.... He is working Sunday because he asked off on Thursday to go to someone's retirement potluck lunch.

I am really hurt that I feel like he chose the lunch over being with me at a really hard time for me. I have mentioned it to him, but I don't think he "gets it". I thought he would since he lost his mom 20+ years ago. But, I guess not.

In the grand scheme of things, I should feel blessed that I get to spend the day with my kids, and I do, but I just wish I felt like he was being more understanding that this is a difficult time for me.

[hillview]

oh dear I am so sorry that sounds lousy. I bet you are right that DH doesn't really "get it" HUGS

[Seitvonzu]

ugh. that sounds so hard i can't imagine losing my mom, and i can't imagine how long those emotions would last. i would definitely feel fragile this sunday... *hugs* i think you are right that your husband is probably just clueless...

[Cam&Clay]

I lost my mom 4 years ago. My first Mother's Day without her was hard. I remember telling DH that I just wanted time to myself. I didn't want them celebrating me because it reminded me of her.

I am so sorry that your day is not what you wanted. It does get easier. I promise. Hugs to you.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so sorry! I hope your DH can make it up to you. You might feel better if you can find a way to tell him you are feeling raw, and that, although you know it wasn't his intention, in your sadness it feels as though he chose a potluck over being there for you at a difficult time. You might want to tell him that it would really help you to know he's there for you as you struggle even if he can't physically be there on that day. I find when I can say things like that to my DH, he really rises to the challenge, because even though he might have been dense in the first place, he really does want to be there for me when I need him.

[elephantmeg]

aww hugs, I would be disappointed too!

[firstbaby]

I'm sorry Sending hugs to you!

[lalasmama]

That first Mother's Day without Mom can be such a tough one. I think I alternated bawling about it and screaming about how insensitive people are about that first MD. There *may* have been a meltdown or two on my side of things...

I think most men are going to be pretty oblivious to our feelings about that first MD, at least in my experience. I think this is one where you need to say, "I need xyz this MD. I don't know how I will feel, so I need the time/space to think/not think/dwell/not dwell on it, and this is how I need you to support me with this." DH doesn't "get it" either, but he knows I get to say how I want to spend MD, because I'm the one without a mom here anymore, and, to top it off, her birthday is usually MD weekend as well, so it's like a barrage of emotion-filled days. He may not "get" it, but I remind him of the date 2-3 times, and say, "I'm going to be out of sorts. This is what I need." and he tries to accommodate. From what DH says, most men want to "fix" a problem, so if you can tell them there's something to be fixed, and, since it's a girl thing that needs to be fixed, tell them how to do it, they will be willing to try to make it better.

[klwa]

HUGS! That first year after losing your mom is a horrible one for mother's day regardless if anyone is there for you or not. I'm sorry that your hubby isn't being as supportive as you need.

[DietCokeLover]

Update in OP.