Please tell me I am not alone!

[SoCalMommy]

I have to vent and feeling very alone on this. My DD is 3 1/2 and has been potty trained for the last couple of months. Honestly, she is doing great! She even has pooped on the potty since day one. My only complaint is that she won't verbally say she has to go potty. At school the teachers tell me she does use her words, but with me, her dad or anyone else she will not say anything! Anyone else have a DC who has done this?

She will come to me and squeeze her legs or make silly noises while doing the potty dance but she won't say it! I started asking her to tell me. She whispered it so softly in my ear that I couldn't make it out and when I ask her to say it louder she doesn't. She is very shy and told me she didn't like saying the word "potty" so I asked her to come up with a new word to say instead. That barely lasted a day.

It hurts knowing that she says it to her teachers at school (probably because she has no option) and won't say it anywhere else. I am a SAHM and with her all the time. The fact that she won't say it even to me is upsetting and surprising. Part of me thinks it's a control issue and part of me thinks she is just super shy about it and in time it will fix itself. I want to be understanding, but it's frustrating. I stopped asking her to say it to me after she wouldn't say it and ran out to the side of the house to pee in her pants instead. it felt more like a power struggle at that point and I want to build her confidence and not make her more uncomfortable. (She also has a fear of flushing but we are working on it.)

Not sure anyone can offer advice, but just had to share. Thanks for listening!

[123LuckyMom]

I'm POSITIVE you are not alone! DS is 5 and is often still embarrassed to tell his teachers he needs to use the potty. If I ask him, he flat out denies he has to go even when he's wiggling all over the place. I think these issues are very common.

She doesn't have to say the words, does she? You two could make a game out of it and have a signal that's special just for the two of you! This is not any kind of indication of her not trusting you or anything like that. She feels comfortable enough with you to want to relax and not HAVE to say it like she does in school. I would sit down and ask her what is going on. The answer may surprise you. Ask her to help you come up with a solution so that there won't be accidents, she won't feel embarrassed (or whatever you learn is at the root of the problem), and you can know what she needs. If she doesn't have an idea, suggest a signal. Let her choose a good one. Then make sure to practice it so neither of you forgets it. You can use it with her whenever YOU have to go. If you make it a fun game where you are secret partners, I bet it will overcome her shyness.

[SoCalMommy]

Thank you 123LuckyMom! I love the idea of a hand signal. Great idea. Thanks. I can totally tell when she has to go, but I guess I am just frustrated and never expected this to happen. I do get concerned when we are in the car but the signal could work for that as long as I can see it safely while I drive.

I did ask her why and she just says she doesn't feel comfortable/doesn't like saying it. That is why I asked her to pick another word....even a silly one that didn't even reference bathroom in any way. She liked the idea, but never used it. If I ask her if she has to go then she will answer me, but she won't answer her dad or grandparents who she sees often. She rarely has accidents and so far has not had one at school either.

Thanks for sharing. It helps me to hear that I am not alone!