Play date help needed

[saddie23]

I would love some advice on how to handle bad behavior at a playdate. My DD is 5 1/2 and has had many play dates, however we have not had too many at our house, and we are just starting the drop off play dates.

Last winter she had a friend over here for a drop off play date. About halfway through (maybe an hour or so) DD just started behaving terribly. Basically she shut down and said she didn't want to play anymore and she wanted the friend to go home. I was mortified and really did not know what to do. I thought I had enough stuff available and a couple of planned things (crafts, games). Nothing was working. They had already had snack and I was out of ideas! I mean, I could not *make* DD play and she was just acting awful. I told her that I would be calling friends mom to come get her (early) and she didn't want this to happen so then a meltdown started. In the end I did text the mom and she came a few minutes early but by the time she got here they had worked it out and found something to do.

I did identify a few things that I did wrong. The main thing was that I told her friend that she could wear one of my DDs new/special dress up dresses. I think that was the main thing that set her off. Now we discuss before a playdate what items she does not want to share and we put them in her room (out of the playroom).

So I've got the same friend coming over tomorrow. I have discussed behavior with DD and she really wants friend to come over. And, we have recently had a successful play date here so we are getting better. But I really want tomorrow to go well - I felt really bad for friend when DD wasn't being nice to her the last time she was here. Any ideas?? Any specific toys/crafts/games/activities that would take up some time and be cooperative (rather then a game where one person "wins") that I can suggest/facilitate if necessary?

And what do I do if this behavior starts again?? Thanks in advance.

[TxCat]

No advice, but I'll be watching this thread too. My DD1 is almost 4 and occasionally behaves really badly. I definitely need some more options in my toolbox for those moments.

[magnoliaparadise]

caveat - not sure if this is good parenting, but this is how I get through if I think a playdate is just going horribly and my kid is acting badly - I do one of these, not all (unless one by one they don't work):
1) I get very involved and do a 'let's do a project together!' and make playdoh or something like that, or all baking a cake - something that I am involved in, but the kids can get excited about (doesn't work with something that my kid has done a million times) - or take them outside somewhere fun (a trip to a shop, etc).
2) I turn on the TV - eh, the kids will stop interacting and it calms them. Doesn't work if the kids are fighting at the beginning of the playdate
3) I basically take my aside and tell them this isn't acceptable and I either tell them that I will end the playdate, or issue some possible threat of 'consequence' or, alternatively, a suggest a reward (err bribe) if my kid gets it together and do well on the playdate. The consequence or reward frankly doesn't work if my kid is already worked up and emotional and can't compose herself. Works better if I see things are going south, but not too south yet.

But sometimes the kids just work it out themselves and all is fine.

But I really hear you on this one. It's stressful when the kids are fighting on a playdate.

[Momit]

Magnolia paradise has some great advice.

I think similar to if DS is acting badly and he's by himself, I would do something like "let's go for a nature hike!" Or "let's make cookies!" Or "let's do a craft!" I try to keep a few of those boxed craft kits on hand for when I need to grab something quickly, for me projects from scratch take too long to pull together in the heat of the moment.

And yes, making popcorn and turning on "Frozen" is a fine idea if they just need to chill for a bit.

[hillview]

I might do shorter playdates to start with. An hour or 90 mins seems plenty esp if it is a challenge.

[saddie23]

Thanks everyone! These suggestions helped me feel more prepared. The play date went really well. I could tell DD didn't want to play some of same things, but she either obliged and went along with her guests choice, or pretty tactfully changed direction, like suggesting snack or changing the subject when friend repeatedly asked for the special dress up dress DD did not want to share. Near the end we played a couple of games together and that worked well - DD even said she wanted to play friends choice for game first because she was the guest. I had some crafts on hand (and even brownie mix if things got desperate) that we didn't end up needing. I definitely felt more prepared this time with more options to jump in with if I had to.

Overall I was really proud of DD. 2 hours is the max for us right now though, with a drop off anyway - during the last 15 minutes I could see DD was getting tired of not playing what she wanted and friend told me she was bored with the game we were playing - it was dragging a bit . Oh and the other thing that helped was we did go outside a few times and we went outside at the end to wait for her mom to pick up and that was a nice option to have.

I think the main thing that will help is practice - to host more play dates at our house - I just feel bad making other kids guinea pigs esp if it goes badly! Having shorter play dates is a good idea too.

Thanks again!!