Anyone get quiet time?

[TwinFoxes]

I'm not sure if you want suggestions, or just commiseration. But it's not in the BP, so I'll give some suggestions. DH takes the very occasional day off so we can hang out, see a movie, and go to lunch while DDs are in school. We also watch TV together after DDs go to bed. On the rare mornings the sleep later than us, we hang out in bed together. Daisy troop meetings are a free hour for us, troop outings even longer. Now that the girls can officially swim, we can sit together and chat while we watch them go off the diving board. We used to go to sporting events, but now we do a yearly football pool and March Madness bracket just between the two of us. None of these take tons of time, but it still fosters togetherness I think.


I think your DS is 8-9...is there a reason you can't do date nights? Or even date days? DH and I've gone to free daytime festivals etc. while DDs are with the sitter on the weekends. Maybe a babysitter or friend could take him while you do something together?


As for mindfulness, I have a meditation app that has a seven minute meditation. It is easy to find seven minutes vs 15! I've also started listening to the "chill out" channel on iTunes Radio in the car, instead of news or music I'd normally listen too. I think it does make me calmer,

i hope this helps some. I think lots of little things add up to making a happier you.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i agree with TwinFoxes that it's the little things that really count. I think we get a decent amount of couples time despite our kids young age...like PP we usually spend an hour each night watching Netflix shows together after kiddos are in bed. We don't do date nights often (maybe like 3x a year, max?) as we don't have family in town, and i'm not organized enough to find/hire a sitter..so it's usually either Parent's Night Out at the kids' school, or ILs are in town (only a couple times a year).

Is there any way you can do lunch or something with DH while your DS is in school? The upshot of me working and kids being in daycare is that now I can go have lunch with DH during the week..so no need to book a sitter or anything..we just find a day where we are not too busy and have a usual place we go to lunch. DH & I try to go out to lunch once a week (usually Fridays) and it is pretty nice, I must say. Like PP said, i've realized it doesn't have to be anything fancy like $$ dinner out or a hobby that takes a ton of time to do/organize childcare for. I think an hour here and there on a regular basis can really do so much for a marriage.

I totally hear you though about typical hobbies (e.g. going out and playing a sport together, or something) being close to impossible to find time to do together once you have kids, even once they get older. Unless you have family nearby that can help out on a regular basis, it really is just not feasible for the average couple IMO. Pre-kids DH & I used to be really into running, and even trained for and ran a half marathon together...once we had kids that just fell by the wayside. Even if i would get back into running myself, there's no way DH could really train with me. Training for that long of a distance requires lots of time commitment..it is one thing for one parent to do it (while the other picks up the slack) but i can't imagine for both to do something like that together, unless there is a big support system (e.g. grandparents, lots of other family to watch kids, etc).

[SnuggleBuggles]

I loved when dh and I took exercise class together. We did it just twice/ week and then had dinner out with the kids. It was really a great time. We used to play board games together too.

Right now, we aren't doing a ton together but we check in with each other regularly to make sure we are happy and things are going well. I do want to get back to exercising together though. We have a 10k to train for so we will be getting out more to run soon.

Quiet time? I get tons. SAHM with kids in school. I volunteer a ton, exercise, spend time with friends, work on projects. Truthfully, I find I have less time to chill than I expected but it's probably a time management issue.

[specialp]

DH and I have game night once a week that we started back at the beginning of this year and really do look forward to. If we get into a series, we will watch it on Netflix on Friday nights. Our main interrupted conversations are on the phone during the day. We meet DH at his office and go to a coffee shop once a month and with preschool starting back soon, that will be back to just DH and I. We were married long before kids and have always taken off work for a day around our anniversary and around Christmas to spend together. I SAH now but we still keep that up and have done it since the first year. When I hear “hobbies” I think of things which are big constant time commitments. It’s too daunting for me. Game night I can handle. Times here and there I can handle. A hobby I can’t. Sometimes we’ll end up doing a project together. We refinished a kitchen table during naps and after bed on the weekends. That wasn’t a hobby, but was a project we worked on together for a couple of months that was just us. We do PNO, but not other date nights.

My quiet time is 30 minutes in the morning. It doesn’t always work out and we are having struggling a bit with DC2 waking up earlier than normal, but it is morning or nothing for me. Night doesn’t work for me because my head is spinning with all I need to get done or didn’t get done so even if the house is quiet, my head isn’t.

[KrisM]

During the school year, I try to have nothing planned for at least some time during the week, so I can just do nothing. Sometimes it's hard.

Also during the school year, DH and I try to have lunch together once a month or so. We've never had a date night, as we haven't done babysitters due to the cost. We probably should, but just haven't.

In the summer, I try to get up earlier than everyone else to have some quiet in the morning. It works okay, but DS2 gets up by 7:15 most days, so it's not easy.

[hillview]

DH and I try to get to the gym at the same time a couple of times a week (this is during the work / school day). We have a sitter once every week or 2. I am starting meditation today (Opera and Deporak free offering). It is hard to "make" time. As my kids have gotten older, it has gotten easier.

[niccig]

Thanks everyone. All very good suggestions. I agree it's the little things that count, I need to take advantage of the time we do have when things are crazy. DS started school today, so for a couple of weeks I have the days to myself, then I start school. The summer was very "on" for me, between spending time with DS, house projects and part-time work, I was "on" from wake-up time until after 1 or 2am most days. I tried to not do part-time work during DS's awake time as it meant way too much TV watching. I wasn't getting enough sleep.

I've also been feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done. The list is huge. I need to do what StanonHyde suggests and assign jobs to DH and DS. They do not see what has to be done. I really wish DH would, so to share the burden. I know he's tired too from work, but the house/yard things have to get done by someone, and I can't do it all or be the one that manages the list. There also needs to be more follow through to keep house in better shape eg. I've spent many hours cleaning out the garage, it's easy to put things away, but I know stuff will be left out for "later", which never comes.

When my to do list is huge, I type it up and make assignments to DH and the kids. I am very specific about what needs to get done. They are not mind readers. They do not think of this stuff.

[squimp]

I agree that it gets easier as DD gets older. She is 10 now and I find that I have a fair bit of down time. She loves to read and so we come home from our days and she reads and while I make dinner or do housework or even just relax. I have hobbies as do most of my friends, I think it is important to prioritize. DH and I do not have hobbies that we share together per se (I need my space LOL), but we do enjoy hiking and camping as a family on the weekends. I think it's important for DD to see her mom as a whole person with hobbies, friends and being healthy, and many of my friends feel the same way. DH and I also eat lunch together twice a week or so (our buildings are a block apart) and that helps us connect.

DH and I have split the home work fairly evenly, based on what we prefer to do.

[basil]

Yes, I asked DH last night if we should get a hobby together and he said "huh?? Our hobby is the kids." It's really sad. We used to go work out together pre-kids, go for walks with the dog, and go out to eat 1-2x/week. Now if we work out or walk we do it solo so the other one can watch the kids, and our dining out has decreased drastically. He usually has work to do after dinner and kids in bed too, so he sits in his office next to the family room where I either watch TV or look online. So we don't even watch TV together anymore!

[niccig]

I agree that it gets easier as DD gets older.

DS is nearly 10. I think I've overwhelmed from combination of no camps over summer, huge to do list, part-time work, and worried about this year of grad. school. I've really had no time alone last 2 months.