Update in 1: Feel awful, is there anything we can do?

[niccig]

Glad to see the positive update, and I love Pepper's suggestions. I really feel like I am missing something though. I get that you feel bad; I get that she initially felt bad, but I really don't get why you were somehow responsible for knowing this,.

We felt bad as we feel we should've known or at least worked out that we hadn't seen him in nearly a year.

[TwinFoxes]

Update:
DH talked to our neighbor. He explained again how we didn't know and apologized for any extra hurt from us not acknowledging her husband's death. She was more understanding and receptive than when I talked to her. She even apologized if she seemed cold when I spoke with her...no apology needed. There will be a memorial for her husband in a few weeks, and we're going to go to that. We're going to make more of an effort to stay in touch with her. She has family near-by, but DH told her to please ask if she needs anything. Hopefully, we can move past this with her.

I still feel like the worst neighbor ever!

I think this is a positive outcome. You really shouldn't feel bad. If you were the worst neighbor ever, you wouldn't feel so awful.

[Gracemom]

It's definitely not too late to be of help to her, which it sounds like you are doing. We had a death in the neighborhood a few years ago. We did not know the family at the time, but have gotten to know them since. My DD has become friends with the girl who lost her dad, and I have gotten close to the mom. Grieving lasts for a long time, and I am glad we have been there to listen to their memories, sadness that their loved one is not present for milestones, helping out with rides and logistics, etc. It it clear that you and your DH have caring hearts, and she is lucky to have you as neighbors.

[mommy111]

My mom passed 7 years ago, and was a pretty well-known figure around our small town--was a teacher for years, then did an in-home daycare for 25 years, then ran the very successful wedding shop for nearly 10 years in her town of 25,000... And when I am in her hometown, I still run into people who had no idea. It happens... and it's an easy thing to miss if you are not in the same social circles. I'd send a card, or drop off a card with a baked good, explain you hadn't heard, and are sorry you weren't aware of it when it happened. And I'd make sure to check in with her to make sure she knows that you weren't trying to avoid her, or ignore her, or that there was a falling out she wasn't aware of.

This exactly. It happens. I would just check in with her occasionally