Originally Posted by
Pepper
I agree with PPs - your immediate needs are safety, and extra help for you since you can't leave DS alone for a minute.
Get some small plastic tool boxes from the hardware store and small combination locks (the kind that will let you change the combination, so if DS figures it out you can make a new one) to lock up kitchen knives, medication, household chemicals, etc. Or put a lock on your cellar door & keep the chemicals down there. Get a set of those baby-proof oven knob covers, if you have that kind of stove, and turn the burners off if you have to leave the kitchen while you're cooking.
Can you get a mother's helper, maybe a teenager to come after school? Even just to play with your toddler so you can keep an eye on DS. (I had a really hard finding someone who could handle my DS1; when he was 6 I couldn't get a helper and ended up sending DS2 to daycare - he was a very social 3-year-old and although it was hard for me to send him off, it was best for our family at the time). Depending on your sate, there may be assistance available - in MA there is some respite care, but children have to be approved through the Department of Developmental Services and that takes time. There are some other services available though Mass Health (it's like medicaid for kids with disabilities) but again it takes a while to get through the application process & services in place.
Is DS aggressive, destructive when he's reacting? Can you make a "safety plan" with him? Such as, when you are not being safe, I will cover you with this blanket, or you will go to your room to calm down, or whatever might work to help calm him? My DS1 is ADHD, RAD, and maybe on the spectrum (still waiting for the latest eval results) and has always been aggressive when upset. When he starts escalating, I try to grab everything that's within his reach before he tries to throw things (if I have time, sometimes he's just explodes without escalating). Some toys/objects have had to go into the locked cellar for a while because he tended to throw them. Trying to make a safe place/comfy spot for him in the main living area didn't work for us, but lately I've had some success with "you cannot be with the family if you are not being safe. You must go to your room to calm down."
So much of it (parenting) is trying to figure out what works for you child, and for you yourself. I told our behavioral team, I cannot do sticker charts, lol! DS1 was highly resistant to all forms of positive reinforcement for a loooong time, but starting around age 7 he began to be more responsive to rewards/motivators for good behavior. It's tough. Hang in there.