9 year old emotions and clothes....

[nfowife]

My DD has started being very concerned/interested in her appearance, specifically clothes. This started a few years ago, but has grown each year. Now she is VERY specific about what she wears. She picks out her own clothes the night before each school day and about half the time she decides the morning of that she doesn't like what she chose for whatever reason and gets very upset. Crying, yelling, etc. I tell her, no problem, go pick something else out, but she is very indecisive so she can't figure out what else she wants to wear in the moment. Then we get to the point where we have to leave in 5 minutes for the bus and her hair isn't done and teeth aren't brushed, and she's crying and so upset. It makes me so sad she feels this way! And obviously frustrated because it ends up taking up large parts of my morning when I'm trying to help 2 other kids get up and ready, not to mention myself. I also don't like her going to the bus stop crying and upset.
Any tips to help her deal with this? I know it's just the beginning of the preteen years so I am not necessarily expecting her behavior to change- just wondering if there is some approach I can use to help her work through it.... more quickly

[georgiegirl]

I don't have any advice, since my DD (8.5) doesn't really care about clothing. Do you think it's really about something else? My DD does have random emotional meltdowns, which I think is typical for that age.

[nfowife]

I don't know, I guess it could be about other things. I don't even know if my DD knows what it is really about! I just think she is quite sensitive and emotional and I want to help her understand and manage her feelings in a healthy way, kwim?

[georgiegirl]

My dd is also sensitive and emotional. It sounds like yours is channeling her emotions into clothing.

[Moneypenny]

I went through that about that age (and I have no idea why - I never really cared what I wore or what other people thought of it)! My mom then picked out two outfits for me each day and I just had to choose one of them. Totally took the pressure off me. My memory is fuzzy, but I think within a couple of months I was tired of her choices and went back to picking out my own clothes. For whatever reason, the anxiety around it was then gone.

[California]

Dealing with this here. No answer on my part is right. She asks me what I think about an outfit and no matter what I say, it's wrong. DH and I were watching About Time a few nights ago and I could completely relate to the scene where the wife tries on dresses. Except, there is a lot more emotion when DD does it. Moneypenny, may try your technique. A friend of mine who teaches this age says the girls are shifting more towards their peer group at this age, and I think that really plays into this. They want to fit in and aren't sure how.

Here's the scene:
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...D22179DD13E38B

[squimp]

Do you think there's something going on a school that is causing her grief about her clothes? My DD is 10 and just starting to care about her clothes, but not to that level of upset.

[new_mommy25]

That's the story of my life. DD also picks her clothes out before bed. I'll go upstairs 5-10 minutes before we have to leave to check on her and often she's not dressed, hair is a mess, teeth unbrushed and she becomes hysterical when I rush her. Today was the same and in the 5 minute span before we had to leave she changed her shirt three times. I had to brush her hair while she brushed her teeth. No advice, just commiseration.