Middle school confusion

[JustMe]

For those of you who had/have kids with special needs in middle school, I could use some guidance perspective. How much do you help them? How much do you help them grade-wise. Specifically, here is where I am struggling. Dd has a non-core class in which she failed a test. I looked at the test and the concepts seem way over her head. The teacher is allowing kids who failed to re-take at home using their notebook. Me, I want dd to get the concepts so want to work with her on them--but I don't want (at least I dont think so) to end up having her pass because I give her the answers in a way. Another example, it seems they grade homework sometime. The math teacher (and this is a class only for kids with IEPs) e-mails me that dd didn;t do her homework right, can I please help her so he doesn't have to knock her grade down. Can I help her, sure. Does she get the concept, no. So, do I help her to get a problem right that she does not really understand.

I have talked to her case manager about this somewhat. He seemed confused when I said dd was not getting some of the concepts--not sure if he doesnt know dd well enough or he didnt know what to say. He did go and talk to the first teacher I mentioned and she will be e-mailing me info about what they are doing each week so I can help dd to understand--but not sure where to draw the line between helping and her receiving decent grades when she could not do these things without help.

[egoldber]

but not sure where to draw the line between helping and her receiving decent grades when she could not do these things without help.

I would say exactly this. You can help her, and she'll get a better grade, but she still doesn't understand the concepts. How will they be helping her to understand? Does her IEP include in class support or team taught classes?

[JustMe]

I would say exactly this. You can help her, and she'll get a better grade, but she still doesn't understand the concepts. How will they be helping her to understand? Does her IEP include in class support or team taught classes?

Thanks so much for your reply, Beth! I am even more confused.

She does get in class support in math and lang. arts. It is helping! (well, math is complicated but in any case I do see the positive effects of the in class support). However, this is a non-core class (long story to describe--the subject is Health though) and she does not have in class support. It is not specified in her IEP that she receive this.

Today was even more confusing as she brought home a blank copy of her Health test and was allowed to complete it at home using her notes (the teacher e-mailed me to confirm this was true). This was ridiculous because she can just copy stuff without even understanding it (the teacher puts notes on the board, so pretty much no concept understanding necessary. It was a fill in the blank test. I actually decided to sit there with her and explain things. She was going to get a better grade by just copying, so I figured I might as well try to have her understand what she is writing. It was a bad feeling as I felt i was helping her cheat, but the alternative of letting her just copy with having no idea of what she was writing felt worse.

ETA: I meant to say I am even more confused today (not because of Beth's reply though)

[egoldber]

Well, clearly they expected you to help her, so I don't know that I would consider it cheating. I might be more hesitant if it were a core class.

[JustMe]

Thanks. Honestly, I'm not sure what they expected.

Dd is begging to be homeschooled. When I tell her that's not a choice as I have to work, she suggests she does on-line school at my work. When I tell her I am only allowed to have her come to my work once in a while, she wants me to find a teacher to come teacher her at home :-(

[oneplustwo]

Does the teacher for the non-core class have times when students can see him/her for extra help? In our district, the middle school teachers for just about all the different subjects tell their students and parents when they can be available to give some extra help, especially for the 6th graders. And if there's no stated policy, could you ask the teacher to find a time to go over some of the concepts your DD is struggling with?

[JustMe]

Does the teacher for the non-core class have times when students can see him/her for extra help? In our district, the middle school teachers for just about all the different subjects tell their students and parents when they can be available to give some extra help, especially for the 6th graders. And if there's no stated policy, could you ask the teacher to find a time to go over some of the concepts your DD is struggling with?

I believe she does. Dd actually really likes this teacher. I can suggest to dd that she do that and also ask the teacher about it. There really is a bigger issue, though, with this being the most extreme example. Dd is just not developmentally at the middle school level.

[ECMom]

[QUOTE=JustMe;4041217]
Today was even more confusing as she brought home a blank copy of her Health test and was allowed to complete it at home using her notes (the teacher e-mailed me to confirm this was true). This was ridiculous because she can just copy stuff without even understanding it (the teacher puts notes on the board, so pretty much no concept understanding necessary. It was a fill in the blank test. I actually decided to sit there with her and explain things. She was going to get a better grade by just copying, so I figured I might as well try to have her understand what she is writing. It was a bad feeling as I felt i was helping her cheat, but the alternative of letting her just copy with having no idea of what she was writing felt worse.
QUOTE]

In regards to your statements that I bolded, I think this was the teacher's end game - to have parents help their child understand the concepts. Please do not feel guilty about it. It would be the same at my DS's school for Health class. There is only one health teacher at his middle school, which minimizes her availability. Can you ask for worksheets, etc. that your DD can do at home to increase her understanding?

ETA: my DS has a 504 plan vs. IEP.

[JustMe]

[QUOTE=ECMom;4041410]

Today was even more confusing as she brought home a blank copy of her Health test and was allowed to complete it at home using her notes (the teacher e-mailed me to confirm this was true). This was ridiculous because she can just copy stuff without even understanding it (the teacher puts notes on the board, so pretty much no concept understanding necessary. It was a fill in the blank test. I actually decided to sit there with her and explain things. She was going to get a better grade by just copying, so I figured I might as well try to have her understand what she is writing. It was a bad feeling as I felt i was helping her cheat, but the alternative of letting her just copy with having no idea of what she was writing felt worse.
QUOTE]

In regards to your statements that I bolded, I think this was the teacher's end game - to have parents help their child understand the concepts. Please do not feel guilty about it. It would be the same at my DS's school for Health class. There is only one health teacher at his middle school, which minimizes her availability. Can you ask for worksheets, etc. that your DD can do at home to increase her understanding?

ETA: my DS has a 504 plan vs. IEP.

Sorry I never replied to this..somehow I missed it. It was helpful to read and I now see that helping dd to understand something better is not wrong under the circumstances. I am getting over the idea that I am letting her cheat as it was the teacher who made the decision that she use her notebook to do the test at home. I am also keeping in mind that the goal is to have dd understand concepts and keep her self-esteem in tact.