Annoyed by constant imposing friend

[belovedgandp]

I'm all about paying it forward and do plenty of favors for others along those lines with school/kids/sports/carpools. Knowing that I have been before and will be again on the asking end of those requests. But if you're asking for a favor, be accommodating not demanding.

[MMMommy]

I'm all about paying it forward and do plenty of favors for others along those lines with school/kids/sports/carpools. Knowing that I have been before and will be again on the asking end of those requests. But if you're asking for a favor, be accommodating not demanding.

I agree with this. I am happy to help out a friend in need. However, if you are asking for a favor, you should do your best to accommodate the favor giver. If I want someone to help me out and watch my child, I will drop my child off wherever the watcher wants my child to be dropped off so as to inconvenience the watcher less. I would not ask the watcher to meet somewhere "closer and convenient to ME" just so I don't have to drive as far to drop my child off.

[wellyes]

Anyone who asks if her kid can sleep over at your kid's house uninvited is on the "hell no" train forever.

[MamaMolly]

I'm dying to know what in the world this other mom is doing while everyone else in the world is toting her kid everywhere, watching her kid, etc.etc.etc.

[Simon]

Wow! Does that Mom ever reciprocate? Offer to drive/watch or pick up? I'm curious. I would find the overnight request beyond the pale for anyone who isn't a very close friend or someone in a real pinch. I would practice my "No!" in front of a mirror and be ready for her next request.

[MMMommy]

No, she does not reciprocate. She does not offer her services, but I also am not one to ask for favors, generally. I only ask someone for a favor if I have no other alternative, and I am desperate. I do think she would help if I asked for help. But I just don't ask, so reciprocation does not come up.

[oneplustwo]

Wow, just wow. OK, so you don't ever ask for her to do you a favor, but she should be offering to help you if you ever need it. That's how it works for normal people! When I ask a favor of a friend, or they ask one of me, we always follow up either at the same time as the request or afterwards with a "let me know if I can ever return the favor/help you out/I owe you one." But it sounds like she never even gives a vague offer. And the birthday overnight request? Way, way, way out of bounds.

This is not a friend you need. At least I wouldn't. And here is what you say:

"Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us."
"Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us."

For example:

Overstepping boundaries in a big way mom (OBIABWM): Hi, can you pick up my daughter from school and take her home with you, give her a snack, help her with her homework and then take her to practice, then bring her home?
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIABWM: But my cutie pie honey will miss practice and won't get her homework done unless you do this.
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIABWM: Surely your daughter would like the company, plus she can help my daughter do her homework, maybe even do the work for my sweetie pie!
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIAWM: But you're already picking up your daughter at school, taking her to your home, feeding her a snack, overseeing her homework, taking her to practice . . . I'm really only asking you to drive my daughter home from practice, don't you see?
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.

[MMMommy]

Wow, just wow. OK, so you don't ever ask for her to do you a favor, but she should be offering to help you if you ever need it. That's how it works for normal people! When I ask a favor of a friend, or they ask one of me, we always follow up either at the same time as the request or afterwards with a "let me know if I can ever return the favor/help you out/I owe you one." But it sounds like she never even gives a vague offer. And the birthday overnight request? Way, way, way out of bounds.

This is not a friend you need. At least I wouldn't. And here is what you say:

"Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us."
"Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us."

For example:

Overstepping boundaries in a big way mom (OBIABWM): Hi, can you pick up my daughter from school and take her home with you, give her a snack, help her with her homework and then take her to practice, then bring her home?
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIABWM: But my cutie pie honey will miss practice and won't get her homework done unless you do this.
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIABWM: Surely your daughter would like the company, plus she can help my daughter do her homework, maybe even do the work for my sweetie pie!
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.
OBIAWM: But you're already picking up your daughter at school, taking her to your home, feeding her a snack, overseeing her homework, taking her to practice . . . I'm really only asking you to drive my daughter home from practice, don't you see?
You: Sorry we can't help, that doesn't work for us.

So funny! Made me smile and laugh!

I don't know why I have such a hard time in these situations. I hate that she goes beyond the normal imposition, but I also hate how I care too much about being a pleaser and offending people by saying "no." I know we can't please everyone and help everyone out all the time. And it should be simple to just say "Sorry, no can do." I struggle with saying the simple "no." My "no's" always have some explanation or apology tied to them, which I know I should not feel obligated to provide. Yet, somehow I feel bad if I do not muster up some reasonable excuse. I need to learn to just say no without the guilt trip.

[MMMommy]

I especially like the acronym OBIABWM. I will have to use that one from now on!

[ahisma]

Both examples are way over the line. I have friends with whom I regularly swap favors (key word- swap!). I would never ask either of those things of them, nor they of me. If they did, I'm sure there would be a very clear cut reason that would make it understandable - which is definitely not the case here.