(Previously posted a thread about sleep - http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...25#post4036825 . She's gotten better with going to bed in the evening although still doesn't sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch - that'd be okay but it's often much less during 12-5 AM time frame... but this isn't about sleep)

Our 4 mo (& 1 week) old started daycare last week when all my wife's leave time ran out. Per my other thread, she's always been a very attention-demanding baby and hates being put down much of the time.

I hear from a lot of other people this is normal (perhaps you'll tell me so, and perhaps you're right), but we're gettings some clues that maybe it's not. Still we were worried about her transition to daycare and at first we getting pretty decent stories about her. But this morning the daycare workers, perhaps began being a bit more honest with us, that she's pretty crabby most of the time and they weren't so happy with it. With our own eyes we see how the other babies behave. They're basically the exact same age give or take a week or two. They get upset sometimes, but they don't wail, and they're much more self-entertaining, much more calm. Our little darling/handful will full throated cry at the drop of a hat.

Further her pediatrician (she decided to pitch a fit about being put down during her 4 mo checkup) was concerned with what she saw also. So much so that, combined with some other things, she had us do a CT scan which came back pretty clean, and definitely confirmed that there's nothing that would be causing this (they're having us meet with a specialist tomorrow for an expert review, but based on my searching I think things are fine, unless it's some surprise).

1) Teething. Reasons to suspect it: The daycare workers are convinced she's teething. She does drool a good deal and does a lot of gumming on things (esp in the last few weeks). Reasons not to: The pediatrician sort of poo-poo'ed it as too early (is it though??). And it's not like she was a perfectly pleasant girl a few weeks ago. This has always been how her personality has developed.

2) Reflux. Reasons to suspect it: She has always spit up a good deal. She tends to cry when put down on her back. When she's frustrated she arches her back. Reasons not to: She's never seemed bothered by spitting up - she smiles through it. She's gaining weight fine (she's always been on the low end of the weight curve, 20-something percentile, but has remained consistent). She doesn't projectile spit/vomit and it's milk colored or clear, not yellow/green bile. She feeds fine and downs a good size (4 oz) bottle. She's not (usually) fussy at the breast. The arching seems like it's more her way to try to scoot on her back or get out of the situation, not out of stomach pain.
For this one we started trying some Maalox at Dr's recommendation as of Friday. She seemed okay with this weekend, but still wanted to be held a lot of course. She still spit up a good deal with morning on the way to daycare, even though she hadn't eaten much in 2 hours (a brief feeding before leaving but she didn't take much) and even though I gave her some Maalox 10 minutes before heading out.

3) Clothing irritation. At the daycare they suggested her clothing may be irritating her. They suggested Dreft. We use All Free & Clear with a double rinse cycle. I have a hard time imagining that could be too harsh. She doesn't have a rash or anything. When we take of her clothing for a change or something there will often be some mild red spots around her body that will disappear over several minutes or at least by the next change. I always figured that was just where she was pressed up against something or where she was being held. Is there any reason to suspect this?

4) Personality/"spoiled". I suppose this is my main question today. I know I know - "you can't spoil a baby". Not in the "they'll grow up to be a spoiled child" way. Call it "negative associations" or "becoming too accustomed to being held", but I don't take issue with the idea that they need to learn to be okay without constant attention. I don't really love the daycare worker using the word "spoiled" (she did), but I'm not offended by the idea. Realistically, at daycare, with 2 adults which 3 or 4 children each, she can't be held all the time. 'Luckily' the daycare is just opening her room and has only has 4-5 babies total for 2 workers for now. So the ratio starts out better, but it will drop.
Is it inappropriate to allow her to cry (with soothing) at this age? Will it help her learn that it's not so bad to be put down? Truth is, she's going to have to deal with it most of the day anyway, that's just reality. So anything we can do to help her get there faster would be good for her.

My wife feels bad for our daughter, which isn't making going back to work any easier. I feel (equally) bad for the people working at the daycare. Should I be concerned? What should I do?

P.S. This is a very nice daycare with trained, experienced caregivers. They're human but it's not like they don't know what they're doing. And I understand they can't hold 4 babies each all day long. So I don't think the answer is that they're the problem.