I am so ready to throw in the towel

[Still-in-Shock]

Little Boy went to sleep just fine for the baby sitter, but now won't go to sleep. He woke up about 2 am upset, I held him and then put him back in the crib. He slept for another hour, but then woke again. I repeated what I did, but then he did not want to go to sleep. I sat in the chair in his room, and when he would sit up, I would say "lie down". He would lie down, and then he would pop up 3-5 later. This went on for about 25 minutes and I got tired and left the room. He then started crying and drove himself into a frenzy. I went back in after 5 minutes, just to check that he was safe, and when I wouldn't pick him up, he started crying again. And then we began again with me in the chair telling him to lie down.

I am thoroughly pissed that he will sleep for the sitter when she does exactly what I did, but with me, he shrieks so loud that I want to run away.

And now my DH has taken him to sleep with him. Yeah, that's a good way to sleep train your son, dickhead.

I know that children behave better for other people, I know that this is a phase and that he won't want me to hold him in 10 years, but I also know the difference between night terrors and manipulation.

I'm tired of our babysitter giving me advice, I'm tired of my husband doing exactly the opposite of what a parent is supposed to do and I am tired of this whole Mommy thing. It is 5 am and I have not slept thanks to that shrieking child, so I might change my mind about that last sentence, but I just can't imagine how right now.

How do all of you feel love through all of this? If someone knocked on the door right now and told me that I am unfit mother, I would agree. Don't get me wrong. Our little one is safe, I will not do anything to hurt him, but I would really like to just get in the car and drive off for a week.

[gatorsmom]

Hey, if you are driving off for a week stop by and pick me up! I keep a bag packed all the time for that very purpose! Honestly, I don't think it makes you or me an unfit mom for dreaming of running and if it does I suspect we are in good company.

My youngest are 7yo and whenever I get the itch to have another baby I think of what they were like at the age yours is now. It cures that desire for another right up. Yours is at a really tough age. Believe it or not it won't last long, maybe 3-6 months (maybe a little more but not forever) and he'll go through some other phase. Hang in there and it will work out. That same energetic, refusing-to-sleep characteristic he's showing you now will probably be a personality characteristic you'll admire later. Hugs to you until then.

[hillview]

hugs mama been there! Lack of sleep is one of the worst things in my book.

[Liziz]

You're at a very hard age for sleep! And I can sympathize with it being a major tension causer between you and DH, too.

I don't think you have to feel loving when you've been hearing shrieking for hours, and that doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you human. My DD at that age went to sleep just fine at daycare, but it would take us hours to put her down. My only tip for "feeling loving" is to make an effort to have non-sleep time with him during the day where you can enjoy him (even if it's only a few minutes on a work day). That always helped me feel like a better mom..."okay, I may be ready to lose it and feel so hostile right now and quite frankly ANGRY at this child....but we had fun playing blocks earlier today and I was loving her and we were happy. I'm not a bad mom. She's not a bad kid" type of thing.

I can't tell if you're exactly asking for advice, but since you did ask a question I'm just going to throw in what helped turn the corner for us (and my own experience feeling like you feel now) when DD was about your son's age. Please feel free to ignore! DH was out of town, and I was dealing with exactly what you described with the chair and "lie down". It'd been several days on my own and I was frazzled. I don't know how long I'd been in the room when I just couldn't do it anymore. I stood up, told DD "DD, I'm leaving. It's time to sleep. I love you" with what was literally the last shred of my patience. Then I walked out the room and closed the door and didn't go back in the room. DD probably shrieked and cried for 45 minutes to an hour. Maybe it was longer. I went to the kitchen and made myself the dinner I was supposed to eat 2 hours earlier (but I was stuck with a kid who wouldn't sleep so I hadn't eaten yet!) and tried to calm down. I didn't think I was a cry-it-out parent, but that night it was let her cry it out in her crib, or I was going to lose it. After the hour or so, she fell asleep. Now, that one night didn't fix anything overnight....but I will say that I felt liberated that she'd fallen asleep without me sitting there! Enough so that I did it the next night. And the next night. And while it was a long week, after about three days the crying time shortened....and within a little over a week, she only cried for a couple minutes (it always seemed like a "I'm going to see if they've changed their mind about how they're dealing with this.....no? ugh, guess I'll sleep). And life got better again (until we had to lose the crib, but don't worry about that one yet!!!).

[elbenn]

Not getting enough sleep is soooo hard! Hugs to you! It's a phase and in a few months, I bet you will be getting a lot more sleep.

[BDKmom]

No sleep is the worst! It can definitely make me feel like I'm losing my mind. I thought I had it all figured out with DS. He was easy to put down and almost always slept through the night. So, when DD came along, I felt super confident in my abilities to get a baby to sleep through the night. We did everything with her that we did with DS...early bedtime, great bedtime routine, putting down sleepy but not asleep...you know the drill. She has wanted no part of it. At 2.5, she rarely sleeps through the night. Sure, we get stretches of 3-4 days here and there where she doesn't wake up, but most nights at least once, if not more, I'm in there putting the blanket back on her, or telling her "there's no one on the stairs", or "it's just the moon shining through your window", or "no, you can't have ice cream." Thankfully most nights she goes right back to sleep, but then there are the nights when she decides that 4 am is play time. It's rough.

I don't mean to be discouraging, but I also am trying to say that you are not a bad mom. Some kids are just poor sleepers. You can do everything right and they still won't sleep. It's ok to be angry about that and not feel much affection for your child. It's the sleep deprivation talking. So sorry you are dealing with this and that your DH isn't on the same page. Hope it gets better soon!

[Katigre]

((((Hugs)))). It sounds like your ds missed you and needed reconnection.

I know it's hard, bit maybe thinking outside the box might help? An 18 month old isn't manipulating you at night, he genuinely wants to be held and cuddled by you. Those are legitimate emotional needs, and I've seen with my own kids that meeting those needs paid off in the long run in our relationship.

Your dh isn't wrong for cosleeping or not insisting on sleep training right now. Being sleep deprived stinks, so whatever gets you all good sleep is the path I would take. "Sleep rules" be d#%med.

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[Simon]

No sleep is the worst! ...I don't mean to be discouraging, but I also am trying to say that you are not a bad mom. Some kids are just poor sleepers. You can do everything right and they still won't sleep. It's ok to be angry about that and not feel much affection for your child. It's the sleep deprivation talking. So sorry you are dealing with this and that your DH isn't on the same page. Hope it gets better soon!

some kids just don't sleep well. Some kids start easy and it never stops. It is hard to feel affectionate at 2 am. If your Dh doesn't mind sleeping with Ds then why not let him take over nighttime care for awhile. Plenty of people have done things like that short-term to make it through a rough patch. It doesn't have to be forever. If this is fairly new or spotty behavior I'd also suspect something like molars or a developmental phase, which for some kids can really throw things out of wack.

[Still-in-Shock]

Thanks everyone. I was beginning to wonder if menopause was turning me into a complete witch.

We had been dealing with this while his teeth were coming in, and (Until last month) some diaper rash to boot! So we finally knuckled under and hired a sitter to come in 3 nights a week to help get him into a bedtime routine. And just when I thought it was finally working, it all went down the tubes last night. I checked to make sure he wasn't wet, he didn't have any of the usual symptoms from teething; he just wanted things his way, and I didn't play along. This morning he ate a big breakfast, so maybe he was hungry. All I know is that I need a nap!

DH normally sleeps through anything, which is why I was the one with our DS. And DH can't say no to the little guy, so I'm usually the one who puts him to bed. Last night, he took the boy to the couch so I could get some sleep, so that I wouldn't be totally sleep deprived today.


Hoping tonight will be a different story!

[StantonHyde]

1. Not getting sleep is the worst thing in the world!!
2. It will get better. Not necessarily perfect, but better.
3. Ferberizing/CIO is ok. I did it with both of my kids and they were fine. In fact, I was amazed at how easy it was and how quickly it went.
4. Buy ear plugs for yourself--you will hear him if you need to.
5. Hire the sitter for the day so you can get a good nap and take DH off night duty.
6. Walking away never hurt a child. There were several times I had to tell myself--"don't touch him" because I knew if I did I might strangle him--this was when DS was sleeping one hour, feeding/back to sleep for an hour. 24 hours a day. Lather, rinse, repeat. I don't know how I functioned. those first 2-3 months. (with an afternoon baby sitter!!)