empty

[lmh2402]

this place is so lonely and empty. what happened to normal people and normal suburbs where everyone wasn't in some sort of "secret" competition to be better than than each other - their house better, their kids better/smarter/more athletic/more popular, their car better, their f-ing every. single. thing. better

but in a passive way. no, to be blatant in this competition would be uncouth. so it is passive.

and i would say we'd move. but everywhere I look, it seems the vast majority of people I speak with have the same sorts of experience. there are pockets of "normal" nice people. but for the most part, the suburban life seems like one big social climbing, navigating, negotiating click.

blah. maybe i just need to up my meds.

that's all.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Phew, my world doesn't resemble that at all. That sounds exhausting and frustrating!

[sunnyside]

That sounds awful! It's nothing like that where I live. Not the suburbs, though.

[StantonHyde]

There are certain burbs here where this is definitely the case--Utah has had a high bankruptcy rate for years due to this need to keep up with the Joneses. I enjoy living in a moderately sized city where I can have a big back yard, downtown is close, and the neighbors not so competitive. I don't know what it is about the burbs.......

[Mommy_Mea]

*hugs*

I have been sensing this in my community. I had a good talk with a friend, and she said her approach was to kill them with kindness. To those passive competitors, give them a big smile, be super friendly and go on your way to spend time with the "normal" nice people. I know this is a bitching post, so feel free to ignore, but for me it has been working.

[hillview]

ugg sounds horrible. we rented in a burb like that and purchased in a place where this is not the case. HUGS

[Philly Mom]

Wanted to send you hugs. I could never move back to the NY suburbs for that very reason. My friends who live up there (either in NJ or NY/CT) have similar complaints. They feel lonely at times even though they are surrounded by people all the time.

[DualvansMommy]

Sounds so hard! My neighborhood is little bit like that but not as bad northern counterparts. I have a friend who lives in Bergen county near Paramus and complains the very exact same thing! she said it's very hard because her kids are teens and one tween who's always wanting the latest Nike sneakers, iPads, iMacs and regular fancy vacations. My friend had their oldest son looking for a job and is working in their local coffeehouse to make him realize the value of a dollar and why they can't always be spending on material things.

You have my sympathies.


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[marinkitty]

I live in a place that can be like that. Luckily I have a group of friends who are totally not that way and it makes living here super enjoyable, but I know people that feel that way whose kid go to other elementary schools in town and there is one group of families at our school who seem to be that way.

What have you done to try to find your peeps? It took me a couple of years (during which I was adjusting from urban to suburban life and had a difficult baby on my hands) to feel like this was my home. It was all about making connections and forming a posse, both of personal friends and family friends. Once I had those, I really started to love it here and now can't imagine starting over somewhere else while I am still raising my kids.

Joining a board or getting involved in a new sport or activity can be a great way to find folks more like you.

I don't think all burbs are like this, but I do think there is always going to be a percentage of the people in any affluent area that behave this way, unfortunately.

[elbenn]

Sounds kind of like my suburb. Very competitive, very sports crazy, everyone constantly remodeling their house, buying new cars, etc. I agree with others to just try to find the "normal" people and don't even try to compete with the others