Hugs to you OP. I don't really have any advice since I am not there yet but it does sound good to lay low and try to find others through avenues that speak to you (volunteering, etc.). I will say this is something I always worried about as I've grown up and wanted to move out.....And I realize now I'm glad our budget to buy a house is quite small as I won't even have to look in those very affluent competitive burbs. And not for nothing but somehow I've always heard this from friends in NJ as opposed to westchester or even CT. I really wish you strength and I hope things start looking up in this regard