"GoFundMe.com" - question/gripe

[barkley1]

So, a couple that I know adopted domestically about a year ago. He has a nice job in finance (DH used to be his coworker, so is pretty sure he knows he makes ballpark 6 figures). She is a SAHM. They are now looking to adopt again and have advertised a Gofundme page on FB. Now, before gofundme.com, I knew a single, school teacher mom that was adopting from Africa and she did multiple fundraisers (where you actually got something in return, like home party) and I had no problem donating/giving. But i am having a real problem with this "gofundme" thing!

Here is why: the husband wears $100+ jeans, she chooses not to work, he golfs as a hobby, he drives a high end luxury car that he bought used (let's say either a mercedes, bmw, audi, lexus type car), they own a home, and a condo that they rent out, pics of them at the beach on FB.

I mean, really?! I know adoption is super expensive. the gofundme page was at first asking for $30K and was reduced to $20K the same day.

I know i do not know their personal financial situation 100%, but I do know that these people would *probably* qualify for a $20K loan at any bank in town. maybe I am missing something? The gofundme page says expenses are for adoption, birthmother expenses, travel (it's a 10 hour drive where the potential BM is located).

This honestly burns me up! She is even asking our Sunday School class for money! Presented as "we are doing the world a favor by adopting a child; please support this worthy cause". yes, very worthy. But i don't agree with asking for it to be funded by other people's hard earned money when all appearances say they have plenty. UGH. What's your thoughts? Ever heard of this?

[wellyes]

Are they looking to adopt a specific child from difficult circumstances -- like their current child's sibling? I can see how a couple under those circumstances would have a difficult time getting the money to move forward. It's the folks with the fancy cars and rental properties who sometimes have serious debt / liquidity issues.

If it's infant adoption, different story, IMO. I wish anyone luck with growing a family through getting pregnant, infertility treatments, adoption.... but asking others to fund it is odd and off-putting.

[barkley1]

Are they looking to adopt a specific child from difficult circumstances -- like their current child's sibling? I can see how a couple under those circumstances would have a difficult time getting the money to move forward. It's the folks with the fancy cars and rental properties who sometimes have serious debt / liquidity issues.

If it's infant adoption, different story, IMO. I wish anyone luck with growing a family through getting pregnant, infertility treatments, adoption.... but asking others to fund it is odd and off-putting.

No, it is an infant.

[Melaine]

It's normal in my circles to hold fundraisers for adoptions of all kinds, for all kinds of families. I think people in my world (church, homeschoolers) consider it a way to show love to the family and participate in the experience of adoption. As a comparison, we would hold a baby shower or wedding shower for a family or couple regardless of their financial situation; it's a way of being supportive and sharing in their joy. Obviously, gofundme is straight up asking for cash, but honestly I don't have a problem with it. I think it's totally fine if you don't want to give though (and I probably wouldn't give in this case due to our own finances). I like that social media is making fundraising for adoptions more accessible to willing adoptive families.

[anonomom]

This would make me raise an eyebrow, too. But I'd try to look at is as them seeing no harm in asking for help, and perhaps even understanding that most people wouldn't choose to underwrite their lifestyle by contributing. You are under no obligation to contribute (I wouldn't want to, in your shoes). Now, if they give you any guff for not participating and/or start pressuring people to give them money, then my opinion of them would fall several notches.

As an adoptee I do find the whole "we're doing the world a favor by adopting" line more than a little gag-worthy. Frankly, even if these people were poor as dirt I'd probably decline to contribute just because of that attitude. I think adopting a child then expecting them to be grateful is problematic in many ways.

[Melaine]

I think adopting a child then expecting them to be grateful is problematic in many ways.

I assume that you have personally encountered this attitude, but I don't get this from the OP at all. I have definitely not come across this mindset in the many families I know...quite the opposite.

[sste]

I guess I can see asking for an unspecified amount, unspecified target amount in lieu of baby shower. Maybe. I would never do this myself in a mc/umc bracket but I am trying to keep an open mind. But not this gofundme!

Also perhaps I am making assumptions but based on the amounts they are requesting I suspect they are trying to adopt a white infant only? That would be a major turn off to me and not a "charity" I want to support.

[eagle]

This honestly burns me up!

try to avoid her as much as you can at church and simply dont donate.

[Cam&Clay]

I'll be the differing opinion here and say that adoption fundraisers just rub me the wrong way. I worked with a woman who was constantly asking for donations and doing fundraisers. I never donated. I know that if we had ever adopted, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking other people for money to fund it.

[Pennylane]

Don't get me started on Go Fund Me Requests! I have gotten 4 of these requests in the last 2 weeks!! I posted something similar months ago about a distant family member that was raising money to do IVF treatments. We ended up donating, although it was a much smaller amount than my DH wanted. In this situation, I just would not donate at all and I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

Ann