"GoFundMe.com" - question/gripe

[barkley1]

Also perhaps I am making assumptions but based on the amounts they are requesting I suspect they are trying to adopt a white infant only? That would be a major turn off to me and not a "charity" I want to support.

Yes, I am assuming this since the first baby they adopted was a white infant. It was uncanny how much it looked like one of them; could have passed as their birth child.

[AnnieW625]

FB friends are doing this for their IVF. I am sympathetic to their cause (because 3 of their 4 eggs left from their first IVF tested positive for potentially being Tri-18), but this isn't something I could never see myself advertising that I needed money for. It is probably though a "shouldn't really judge until you have been in a similar situation."

[Gena]

As an adoptee I do find the whole "we're doing the world a favor by adopting" line more than a little gag-worthy. Frankly, even if these people were poor as dirt I'd probably decline to contribute just because of that attitude. I think adopting a child then expecting them to be grateful is problematic in many ways.

I'm also an adoptee and I feel the same way.

[MamaMolly]

I assume that you have personally encountered this attitude, but I don't get this from the OP at all. I have definitely not come across this mindset in the many families I know...quite the opposite.

Except the OP said in her first post that the adopter in question presented her $$$ request in this manner. And I agree, it is disgusting. We have adoptions in our extended family, and the attitude is much more a case of gratitude from the parents who've adopted, as it should be, and that I'm sure Melaine your friends share.

[PZMommy]

FB friends are doing this for their IVF. I am sympathetic to their cause (because 3 of their 4 eggs left from their first IVF tested positive for potentially being Tri-18), but this isn't something I could never see myself advertising that I needed money for. It is probably though a "shouldn't really judge until you have been in a similar situation."

In this situation I think I'd be more willing to donate, but in the situation that the OP described, I wouldn't donate.

[icunurse]

Adoptive parent here. When we adopted, fees were $25k and we weren't even making six figures combined. So, I worked extra shifts, we tightened the budget and saved, saved, saved. We also knew people with similar finances who borrowed from family, took out a loan, or paid by credit card. Adoption fees aren't covered by insurance (like pregnancy is and, in some states, even infertility treatments) and fundraising wasn't really heard of back then. So it can be a big expense. I have great sympathy for people who want to adopt and simply do not have the means. But I have difficulty with people who are in a good financial position (how they alter that with spending is their choice) and asking for money. Sometimes you have to struggle a bit, even to adopt. It sucks, but it is pretty common. "Saving a child" doesn't change that (never mind that I want to slap people who say that). Of course, I adopted for purely selfish reasons - I wanted to be a Mom.

[123LuckyMom]

If they were adopting a child with significant special needs and ongoing medical expenses or an older child who had experienced trauma and would need ongoing help, I would consider donating. In the circumstances you describe, there is no way I would donate. I think the request is unwarranted and reflects poorly on them, but they're free to ask for whatever they like. You have the right to decline their request, and if I were you, I would. They're basically requesting money to grow their family when they can afford to do that themselves. Frankly, if they can't afford it themselves, they shouldn't be taking on the responsibility of another child in the first place.

[TwinFoxes]

I Feel more like Melaine does. I bet people who care about them have asked if they have a go fund me page. If they really feel they are doing the child a favor that's icky. But I wonder if they made a comment that was misinterpreted when heard by someone who was rubbed the wrong way by the whole thing. I don't think you're under any obligation to give. But maybe others at church were more inclined.

O/t, but I'd rather have someone realize they couldn't handle raising a different race baby, then be unequipped to raise one and have a failed adoption.

[megs4413]

I would just like to say that my last pregnancy cost us around $22k as it was very complicated. Between deductibles, co payments and hitting OOP max. We were tapped. Nevermind what it cost in other terms (lifelong health problems, care for our kids/house while I was out of commission, time off work for DH, etc). Of course, it's completely worth it and even with the complications I know I'm very lucky to conceive easily.

Just don't like when people ASSume that pregnancies and deliveries are always significantly cheaper just because someone has insurance. You never know what someone's situatuon is....

I loathe (healthy, white, infant) adoption fundraisers.

[twowhat?]

I can't imagine asking for money in that situation!! So to be honest, it rubs me the wrong way too.

But I forced myself to think more about it...100K won't go very far, depending on where you live, what their mortgage/car payment is, if they have other debt, etc. Yeah, I agree that $100 jeans, golf vacations, etc are on the more extravagant side - but those might be things that they've already done and that wouldn't make sense to go back and undo...

Are they now stopping the golf vacays, not buying new clothes, perhaps she is looking for a job, doing other more practical things that they could do to save money? I guess that matters more and we don't really know the whole story. But if it's a "we're saving a life so your donation will go to a good cause and we're entitled to ask for money"...um, no. And, advertising the gofundme page themselves just seems like really bad etiquette.

Either way, definitely don't feel obligated to donate!!