Thank you all for you comments, I have read them all multiple times. ..... some updated info (warning long): on Thursday DS1 had and appointment with his counselor (Tuesday was the day of conferences that the teacher said she wants him to repeat K). I made notes of everything I wanted to cover with her, and tried to gather more info before hand (hard to do with non napping two year old following you around all day
).
I read some of the wrightslaw website Gena linked to, and tried to find some more specific info on my state.
I also casually asked DS1's teacher how many kids she usually recommends repeat K every year. She stated the average is one to two kids/year, but this year it is three (including my son). I of course didn't ask for the najmes of the other kids, nor did she tell me (which is good).
Anyways, at the counselor appointment, we sent DS1 to the playroom and started talking (I have not mentioned possible repeating K to DS1 yet). I told her what the teacher said about it being out of the window of time to ask for an e-val. Counselor (I will call C now) stated it may be for the district, but doesn't think that is legal. So she called our states Advocacy group for special needs (I think that's what it is called?) and left a message. C thinks that the teacher is being told by the principal what to say regarding testing etc (because he has a budget to protect, and he also doesn't like IEP's or 504's according to C from her dealings with him and multiple children). I am choosing to believe (at this point) that the teacher is simply uninformed and is repeating what her boss has told her , and has my sons best interest at heart, but simply doesn't know the laws regarding this (I have been in a similar position with my boss, in a completely unrelated field, and was furious at my boss when I found out the truth, because it made me look like a liar).
I then brought up my issues to C about DS1's current e-val doctor and lack of communication etc. She said I should give him another chance, and she would be happy to call him and talk it out with him later. I almost said yes, but decided to stick to original decision and said no, I am sorry that wont work. C then offered to call him right now (she has tried this at appointment before, and he is hard to get a hold of). I said OK. She found his person cell # (score) and called him up. He answered and she "called in all her chips" with him asking for his help. We had a long talk going over concerns with DS1 and the e-val process, and what his teacher said. He promised to call me back tomorrow.
Right after we where done talking to him, the advocacy group called back! They where so helpful, and stated there is no window that closes on asking for an e-val (the same thing a lot of you folks said). And that I need to immediately write a letter formally requesting an e-val and give a copy to the superintendent, principal , and special education director. She stated the school has 25 school days to test DS1 or refuse to. If they refuse, then get it in writing, and we can then request an e-val with an independent examiner at the districts expense.
I finished up with C and DS1 and I went home (it was to late to do the letter that night). At 9 later that night, the e-val Doc called me (I was very surprised), he said he found the teachers second Conners form she filled out and it Does show very strong scoring towards ADD/ADHD and anxiety. The first one the teacher originally did towards the beginning of the year only scored high on anxiety. He recommended that DS1 start meds right away and he would mail a script tomorrow. He also cautioned that the meds can make anxiety worse so we need to watch out for that and may need to adjust. He also stated that he would look into the fine motor issues, and he is sending addition forms to us to possible check DS1 for some for of high functioning Autism (little surprised by this part)... The news of the ADD/ADHD diagnosis, didn't surprise me or DH, we have known in our hearts DS1 has it for awhile now (even without a formal diagnosis, we even already had the talk about wither we would medicate him if he was diagnosed months ago).
This morning I took care of the letters formally requesting a e-val through the school and hand delivered them to the appropriate places. I was going to ask you all, if we still need one to get an IEP with the school or can (would they even) consider using ours we had done. Thanks again everyone for the help, I think part of why I gave such a long update, is the hope it will help someone else out, since you all are helping me so much.