So DH has a work conference in a fun vacation destination spot this October. We've known about it for over a year, and played around with the idea of leaving DD with grandparents and having me tag along. Well, I got pregnant, and now DD2 is due in July. I told DH that there's no way I'll be comfortable leaving a 3 month old (period, really, not to mention for a week) to go on this trip.
Well, WITHOUT talking to me about it, DH recently suggested to his parents that maybe they could come on this trip with us. His thinking was that I won't leave the baby, but if his parents come with us, then they can watch the kids whenever there's free time, so he and I can still go out.
First -- I'm super annoyed that he would "invite" his parents on a trip without talking to me.
Second -- I've told DH that I don't think it sounds like a fun trip to me. I get along with his parents, but do the best with them when we're on my home turf. When we're anywhere else, they try to "help" me parent DD (for example, jumping in to discipline DD in their own way, when I'm in the middle of already dealing with her (in a way they don't think is effective)) and it drives me insane. I can only imagine it would get worse since DH posed the trip as a "come to help with the kids". I'm fine with it when DH is around, because he can tell his parents to knock it off -- but this would be a trip where it's just me alone w/ his parents during the days while DH works.....um, no. I'm also trying to warn him that I don't think there would be as much "adult only" time as he's picturing....because I'll still be nursing DD2 frequently. And finally -- with DD, DH was adamant that his parents not babysit her until she was almost a year (he'd even have us send her to daycare on days they were visiting and we were both working) because he didn't feel comfortable leaving his parents with an infant. But now he's totally fine leaving them with an infant and an exceedingly challenging 3 year old in an unfamiliar setting?
Anyhow -- we talked about it tonight and while I told him we could reserve final judgement until after the baby's born and I have a sense of life w/ 2 kids (and how DH's parents "help", since they'll be coming when the baby's born), I don't really think it will be a trip I want to take. He's totally disappointed and I can tell his feelings are hurt because his perception is that I don't want to be around his parents and that I don't trust them with our kids, and he's disappointed to lose out on this nice trip we could have taken. I'm just bummed because I feel bad he's so disappointed and insulted feeling -- but there is no way I'm going to agree to a $$$ trip just to spend several days stressed out and frazzled, either.
Oh, and he totally also asked me if I'd consider the trip if it were my parents instead of his parents...which I would -- and I was honest with him -- which makes him more insulted that I don't want to go with his parents. And more frustrated, because he really wants the trip to work, but since he already "offered" it to his parents (again, w/o asking me first), he feels like we can't ask my parents instead....but yet he's upset I probably won't come. Maybe next time he'll talk to me before throwing out invitations....
Ugh. (Ok, sorry so long but I just needed to type it all out b/c I don't really want to say anything to anyone IRL about this type of thing...)