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  1. #21
    citymama is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default How do you deal with "leggings are not pants"???

    Quote Originally Posted by Kindra178 View Post
    As a boy mom, I don't have a proverbial dog in this fight. I just don't understand your outrage. As parents, don't we need to collectively teach girls and boys how to dress appropriately for whatever the situation is? In my case, that may mean you can't UA to family pictures, you must wear what I picked out. Or you can't wear shorts when it is 20 degrees and snowing when you walk a mile to school. If I were a girl mom, I think it would be incumbent upon me to teach appropriate dress as well. To me, it's not about patriarchy. It's about looking a certain way.
    If you re-read my message, I was reacting to the school fingertip rule. I agree that as parents and families we define generally expected behavior for kids, including dress. School has its rules too. I like when the rules apply to both genders. No kids should have their pants falling off and underwear showing. If girls have to follow a pants tightness or length of shirt rule, it should apply across the board.

    I was also reacting to the slippery slope of policing girls' bodies. I would respectfully argue that anyone parenting boys has at least as much of a stake in respectful attitudes to girls' bodies!

    ETA just saw this #NotADistraction campaign on Amy Poehler's Smart Girls and it is along the same lines (fast forward about 5 years): http://amysmartgirls.com/we-are-notadistraction/
    Last edited by citymama; 11-12-2015 at 02:16 AM.

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  2. #22
    Corie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twoboos View Post
    My rule is - leggings are not pants, if you're wearing leggings your top MUST cover your butt.

    That is our rule too. I will not give in on this one but my daughter doesn't press the issue. Many girls at my daughter's school wear the black leggings with
    their butts on full display. Not happening at our house!
    Corie

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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twoboos View Post
    My rule is - leggings are not pants, if you're wearing leggings your top MUST cover your butt.

    That is our rule too. I will not give in on this one but my daughter doesn't press the issue. Many girls at my daughter's school wear the black leggings with
    their butts on full display. Not happening at our house!
    Corie

    "A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."
    -fortune cookie

  4. #24
    Corie's Avatar
    Corie is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmo View Post
    Thankfully, our middle school has a fingertip rule for tops that are over leggings. Basically, they are treated just like a dress, skirt, or shorts: tops must be as long or longer than your fingertips when standing with your arms at your sides.
    I love this rule!! Our school has a similar rule for dresses, skirts, shorts but I don't think it applies to the tops that are worn over the leggings.
    Corie

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  5. #25
    rlu is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmo View Post
    For the record, the fingertip rule also applies to shorts, which applies to both boys and girls. If a girl or boy is wearing any old shirt, as long as they are wearing pants or long-enough shorts underneath, it is no problem. If a boy was wearing anything like leggings (such as tight athletic/running pants), the same rule would apply. Having volunteered on a regular basis for several years in both middle and high schools, I am grateful for this middle school rule. If you haven't seen it with your own eyes, it might be harder to envision the dubious choices in attire. Both the girls and the boys need the guidance!
    This is the same at our middle school. The principal has grown children of both sexes and she's seen it all too. We have the interesting rule that you can't wear all one color - so if DS has black sweatpants, he can't wear a black t-shirt. He wouldn't wear long-johns (not the waffle type - the smooth material type - the male equivalent to leggings I guess) to school, but if he did, he would wear fingertip-length shorts over them to follow the rule.

    I'll put this out there for consideration. Before DS I had a mentor boss who went to great lengths complaining about her stepson's hair choices (first dyed, then a Mohawk). I finally pointed out it's just hair and it will grow out and she replied that if she focuses on the hair, he'll not move on to a tattoo/piercing. And he didn't. YMMV.
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  6. #26
    NCGrandma is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by rlu View Post
    We have the interesting rule that you can't wear all one color - so if DS has black sweatpants, he can't wear a black t-shirt.
    What's the rationale for this? (Or is just a rule, no explanation given?)


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  7. #27
    gymnbomb is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCGrandma View Post
    What's the rationale for this? (Or is just a rule, no explanation given?)


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    Can't speak for the specific school, but when I have heard of similar rules at other schools it has been due to gang clothing.


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  8. #28
    daisysmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by citymama View Post
    Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

    While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

    To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

    I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).
    I agree. We have a no leggings rule at our school and also a finger tip length rule. We largely ignore it, knowing that dd may get told of a violation but I will cross that bridge then. I do feel like these rules are incredibly sexist.

  9. #29
    jent's Avatar
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    I feel like I'm in the minority here but I've given up on this one. About half the mornings per week I leave for work before DH takes DD to school so I don't have a say over her dressing choices. DH just plain doesn't get it-- really wouldn't know which of DD's bottoms I would call leggings vs which I'd call pants, or which of her tops are long enough to go over the leggings. DD is the same. Half the time she ends up pairing a tunic top with a skirt b/c she liked how the colors look together!

    Also, I found that when I'd try to explain to both DD about leggings and shorter shirts, most of her classmates were wearing the leggings/tshirt combo, so to her it sounded like I was making up this arbitrary rule.

    So, now we just focus on the major rules, like sneakers for PE day and no rain/snow boots in the classroom!
    Jen, mom to "Little Miss Tiny" 4/07

  10. #30
    KrystalS is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by citymama View Post
    Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

    While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

    To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

    I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).

    I completely agree. My DD got a warning at school today for her outfit. She was wearing VS Pink sweats with a hoodie. Her sweats were not tight, and absolutely not leggings. A teacher and principal both said they were leggings and she couldn't wear them again unless her shirt was fingertip length. I was not happy. DD has lots of leggings and I ALWAYS make sure her shirt is appropriate so I was mad when she got home after school and said she got in trouble. She said the principal even went so far as to say that once she washes and dries her pants they will be skin tight! I'm not sure why she even felt this was necessary. This is the first time we've had issues this year. DD has actually worn these sweats several other times to school and not gotten in trouble. Boys at our schools never get in trouble, I guess it's harder for boys to violate dress code. They actually have random dress code checks at our school where they make all the girls line up in the hall while the principal checks their clothes, I think this is ridiculous. It takes time out of the classroom and makes it seem like what the girls are wearing is more important than being in class.
    -Krystal

    DD 2/04
    DS 10/5/10

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