My Son lies.....

[octmom]

We found her here: http://ectutoring.com/educational-coaching

I don't think they serve your area, but if you Google "organizational coach <your city>" I bet something comes up.

Thanks! I found some options here and may look into this after the holidays.


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[Meatball Mommie]

So I don't think this is terribly uncommon. It sounds like he in MS and taking 1 or more classes at the HS? One thing I have realized with my older DD that despite being academically gifted, a HUGE part of MS and especially HS academics is planning and organization. Neither of which is her strong suit.

When thinking about all he has to do, your DS is likely getting overwhelmed. I do think there is an element of magical thinking in kids saying "I don't have any homework" yet knowing that they do. The kid who feels overwhelmed, and often feels anxious as a result, will often retreat into escape routes: electronics, books, TV, etc. Heck I see a lot of adults do this, even at work.


ETA: I'm not saying don't work on it, or don't be concerned. But I think a lot of this is part of the normal adjustment period as kids move from elementary to MS/HS. I can't tell you how many parents at my DD's magnet HS complain about the same stuff. Kids who deny having homework, who avoid it, etc. It's very common.

THIS - 100%. We are in the throes of this with my 12 year old (7th grader). Big transition year. Executive function deficiencies for sure.

We went through a scenario of this just last night. I have been monitoring all posted assignments (some teachers post on school system, some on their own website) but obviously can't account for things teachers say in class, papers they hand out or assignments written on the board. So Friday night, I check with DS. I know about a vocabulary assignment and an upcoming quiz. I don't see other assignments listed so I ask DS. Nope, nothing else. Ok, fast forward to Sunday. He finishes his vocab but we are having technical difficulties trying to access the website for his quiz review. I ask again - anything else? Nope.

This morning - as he was walking out the door - "oh sh!t I forgot to do my civics". Tears flow - he knows dad will be mad because of previous missed homework (no tech allowed now because of said missed work). Luckily, he has a study period in the am. Get this, he texts me at the end of the study period. He forgot to do a religion assignment and is now going to religion class. Nice. Not posted anywhere I could see, so I had no way of knowing. I check his schedule online. He doesn't even have civics today!!! So he could have spend study period doing the religion assignment and done the civics tonight at home.

He just can't get it together. Was he technically lying to us on Sunday when he said he didn't have anything? Yes, but I honestly think he is so disorganized (in his head) that it was inadvertent. Now, from your post, it seems like there might be some of that mixed in with the intentional/deceitful stuff.

Kids definitely "escape" with technology - our DS was extremely guilty of doing this. He didn't realize that's what he was doing, but when he felt overwhelmed, he's immediately retreat into a game or videos. I would get very frustrated with him (what are you thinking?!? you have work to do! etc.) We took away all gaming/tech until Xmas. He knows that he needs to improve his grades in order to get his games back. That's why he was in tears this morning - not the natural consequence of getting a bad grade - not being able to play games over xmas break lol.

OMG, I wanted to scream, cry and go bang my head on the wall!

[Percycat]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. It helps to hear that others are facing similar issues. DH and I discussed our son's actions with a counselor who knows DS and help us sort through this. I am still perplexed by him chosing to work creating a presentation just so he could have his phone back. I so wish we had purchased a simple phone and an basic phone plan instead of giving him a smart phone and adding him to our unlimited phone plan......

oh, fyi, .... DS is 12, turns 13 this month... I thought I had mentioned this in my novella post --- so the comments about tween/teen behavoir were right on.

Thanks.