WWYD: dd clashing with special ed teacher

[JustMe]

Thank you! Now, I really don't know what to do. He has not replied to an e-mail that I sent late Fri night (so pretty much Monday work week wise). He did not get dd on Tues, but got her today. I am willing to give him the Tuesday being the day after a holiday. However, dd has been very adamant that she doesn't want me to share with him the reasons she is uncomfortable with him. I told her she would need to do her best and work with him if she didn't want me to share, which she agreed to. So, now the only issue for me to address with him would be to clarify one small issue, to make sure he continues to see her before he goes on leave, and that I did send him an e-mail saying I really needed to talk to him about dd and he has not responded.

WWYD? Decide things have resolved well enough for now or e-mail again about the few loose ends?

[niccig]

Is the time written on her IEP? I'm not sure if you said it's written in or an agreement you have with him?

[JustMe]

Yes, the amount of time is on her IEP, but no indication of exactly what it looks like. However, it is tricky because she has been going to his 6th grade class..just not doing a whole lot there (according to her). I had agreed to waive her being in the 7th grade class (which is where she should be) so she could have band..but he would take her in the morning. Hope that makes sense.

I am equally concerned about communication issues..but in the end, I think follow through with that kind of thing is just not going to be his strength. We work something out (which is mostly a verbal agreement, it does state something about communication with me in her IEP, but its probably not specific enough), and he either does not do it or has a very different understanding of things than I do...I am guessing it is just something to work around at this point.

[KpbS]

It bother's me that she won't share with you what is making her uncomfortable. What is your gut saying about this situation? Do you think he is being inappropriate or crossing professional/student boundaries? I am not sure I would insist that she work with him if she is uncomfortable with him, yet comfortable with other teachers (including other male teachers).

[JustMe]

It bother's me that she won't share with you what is making her uncomfortable. What is your gut saying about this situation? Do you think he is being inappropriate or crossing professional/student boundaries? I am not sure I would insist that she work with him if she is uncomfortable with him, yet comfortable with other teachers (including other male teachers).

Sorry for the confusion, she has shared with me what makes her uncomfortable. Well, after a whole lot of "He's just stupid. He's just annoying." She has also said he yells a lot and curses sometimes when kids don't behave (not her). She also said that there are times when they have free time during class and he plays the radio. The song "I like big butts" came on and he sang it very loudly, according to her. Its this last thing that bothers me, as I could see him totally not thinking and doing that. I could also see dd making it up somehow or exaggerating something. In any case, I would like to give feedback to him about this, but dd really doesn't want me to...so, I feel torn between honoring her wishes/trust and feeling the need to let him know that this effects kids. OTOH, dd can lie ...so I am not even sure if its true (I'm not one to doubt what kids say about this kind of stuff for no reason, but dd does lie...and like I said, I'm not saying he didn't do it, I just wouldn't say he did).

Good question about my gut. I think this teacher is a well-meaning guy who can have difficulty with follow through, sometimes misunderstands things, and that he really doesn't "get" my dd (which is not unusual, she is complicated), but she really feels it with him. I think he is a little too laid back, and that's why I can see him doing things without thinking/being aware of the impact. I also think he, like many teachers, is busy putting out bigger fires (to him) so my dd, her needs, her concerns, don't make it to the top of his list until I really put them there.

[inmypjs]

Since your attempts to communicate directly with him have not worked, I'd write a polite but firm letter requesting a meeting to discuss the status of the services provided in accordance with your DD's IEP. I would state list the attempts you have made at direct communication, and that you are frustrated by the lack of information and communication. I would also start copying other people from now on. My general 'formula' for my child is to start by emailing or calling the teacher. If I call, then I send a follow up email. If that works, then obviously there is nothing further to do. If it doesn't (ie I get no response or a crappy response), I email the teacher and cc: the principal and either 1) the school counselor (if it's a 504 issue) or 2) the district special ed director (for IEPs). That has worked quite well for me. It also creates a paper trail.

I'm all for having a good relationship with the teacher. But I'm also a stickler for the law, and it doesn't sound like it's being followed. By sending a polite but firm letter, you are documenting what has happened and setting a boundary that this kind of thing is not acceptable to you. I am sure my district thinks of me as 'that parent.' But as I have always conducted myself in what I consider to be a respectful way, hopefully 'that parent' just means somebody who is aware of what is going on and won't take any crap, not somebody who is a b__ch.

Just my 2 cents.

[JustMe]

Well I sent an e-mail cc'ed to the principal asking him to let me know how the individual time is going with her at the end of this week, and mentioning dd has a lot of issues around this without saying what they were and asking 2 unrelated questions I asked in my last e-mail. I want to see how he responds to this. Although meetings have their purpose, it will be good to have something in writing as well.

I am not afraid to be "that parent" and have been that and then some with dd's previous special ed teacher. However, sometimes it seems to work better to be persistently on top of things (which is another version of thqt parent really). I also feel in a bind because dd does not want me to say anything about "the big butts" song issue. I don't want her to stop telling me things, which she may do if I don't respect her desire to not say anything about this. However, I feel he could have done this very mindlessly and really should have it pointed out that it can have a big negative effect on middle school aged girls! Anyway, I didn't mention it, just said she was having "issues" so I want to keep in touch. We'll see.

[hbridge]

I PM'd you...