More horrible 12 y/o preteen attitude, how would you handle this?

[jerseygirl07067]

My DD has been downright nasty, not just to her siblings, but to me and DH as well. She doesn't accept responsibility for any of her behavior, and everyone else is to blame. A lot of this is the age, I get that. I recently read "Getting to Calm" which was recommended on here. It was very good and I am working putting the advice into practice but I still tend to take things personally, which I know I shouldn't.

Today was no exception, and she was her typical nasty self. Not only that, she texted me to pick her up after school in her typical nasty tone. I have called her out on this several times, and the behavior has not changed. I have told her repeatedly that she does not have the right to speak to me that way and that there will be consequences if this continues. I have taken away the phone and the electronics in the past but eventually the disrespect and nastiness returns. So today we were supposed to go to watch a basketball game after school and I cancelled the plans. The problem is, she then became even nastier. blaming me for the fact that she missed the opportunity to see the game and copping more of an attitude. (though when I asked her if she deserved to go based on her behavior she did say "probably not")

When DH got home from work we sat down and talked about it, and she proceeded to say how horrible we are, we make her life terrible, yada yada. There was no apology whatsoever and she seemed to take no responsibility for her actions. She was nasty, yelling, etc. So tonight we told her she would not be going to soccer practice. This is her passion, she loves it, and rarely misses a practice ever. I had mixed feelings about it because it affects her team also, but enough was enough. I had had it.

I know it's a phase but I expect to be treated with respect, period. Am I being too harsh? Her phone and ipad are being taken away and she is going to have to earn them back. Maybe the problem is I have not been strict enough with the consequences to let it get to this point. But how do you handle it when the kids takes no responsibility for her actions and sees nothing wrong with her behavior?? I even hear DH talking to her right now and she said she feels she has done nothing wrong. Sigh...it's going to be a long several years...