Rather than trying to make her admit she's wrong, have you tried a compassionate approach? I know it's counterintuitive, because the impulse when you're greeted with such disrespect is to clamp down and be strict, but if you want results, a different approach might actually work better. I'd find a time when things are going well and I'd sit down with her. I'd tell her up front that you're not going to criticize her, but you do want to talk about how you've been feeling lately. I'd tell her how much you love her, how proud you are of her, and how excited you are to see her growing into a smart, capable, strong young woman. Tell her it's because you love her so much that you've been really upset lately. Tell her your feelings are really hurt because when she speaks to you like she doesn't care about your feelings or like she doesn't even like you, it breaks your heart just a little. Tell her you've been punishing her because you just don't know what else to do to get her to be kind to you, or at least not to be hurtful. Tell her you don't really want to punish her. You just want her to be a member of your family team just like she's a member of her soccer team. The family only works when each member supports the whole team, and when each member supports the others so that they can achieve their goals. You want to help her achieve her goals, but you need her to want to help you, too. Ask her if she has any suggestions about how you can best respond to her when you feel like she's not being a team player to inspire her to be supportive. See what she has to say. If she responds to you with snark, it's completely fine to let her know that you're going to continue to do what you've been doing as long as you and she together are unable to find a way to work as a team, but that you know it can be different, because you know she's a kind and loving person. Keep trying to have conversations like that. It might help.
Also, try reading How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060741260..._XwuVwb1DKK41M
I haven't actually read it. I've only read the kids one, but that one was so helpful that I can't imagine this one wouldn't be good, too.
Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app