Do your parents and ILs have a plan for their eldercare?

[gatorsmom]

I think it's such an important conversation to have and yet most people avoid it. So I thought I'd get a thread going.

Have you talked to your parents? ILs? Do you or your SO (or siblings) have power of attorney? Do your parents have a will? Have your parents completed a "do not resuscitate?"

[ArizonaGirl]

My parents have thought way ahead on this and have a will, trust, power of atty, etc.

They also have Long Term Care Insurance and are financially fine.

IL on the other hand live paycheck to paycheck and do not have a will, power of atty, or really anything. They make very poor living, health choices, and both are on state provided insurance so they are a bit of a disaster.

My parents are 65 and 70.

IL are early 50's.

[niccig]

ILs are all set - MIL worked as a nurse administrator in nursing homes. They've had everything planned for years.

My parents weren't as prepared, but they've started to do things since my father had diagnosis of congestive heart failure and now he has Parkinson's. They've done their will, power of attorney and all of that paperwork. Financially they should be fine and they live in a country with universal healthcare, so no concerns with health insurance. They're starting to talk to us now about things, but only when I ask questions.

I don't see us needing to help either set of grandparents out financially. The main issue is going to be distance as we don't live close to them. SIL lives near the ILs, so she can help. None of my siblings leave near my parents, but my aunt lives nearby and my parents are late 60's, so still young.

[georgiegirl]

MILs plan is that we take care of her. She has little money and isn't a citizen. (Not her fault since she came from a former communist country.)

My mom probably won't live long enough for long term elder care. She has a rare type of blood cancer. Although she's far from rich, she has money saved and has a will set up.

My dad is a huge spender, and he has zero plans. Fortunately he's healthy and his wife is 8 years younger than him.


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[vludmilla]

My IL's are in great shape and they will probably be very healthy for a long time given genetics and their very active and healthy lifestyle.

My mom is a mess health wise (RA, thyroid disease, high blood pressure, morbidly obese) and she isn't active or a healthy eater. I imagine she won't have as long a lifespan as she should as a result. My sister is financially dependent on her and lives with her so that is probably my mom's "care plan". She has some savings and a defined benefit pension so she should be ok financially.

My dad is a major spendthrift. He is almost 67 and still working part-time. He couldn't make it financially if he wasn't able to work. I don't know what will happen if he gets really sick; it worries me sometimes. Like a PP, he has a much younger girlfriend so perhaps that will help.

[abh5e8]

Yes, thankfully they all have a plan. And so far are in excellent health. So no DNR or power of attorney yet.. They are all still working professionals. But I agree with the OP...it's so important for everyone to have a plan and for family to be aware of what the plan is.

[DualvansMommy]

Mum has a will, no power of attorney and not in great health either. She lives in a country with universal healthcare plus some private insurance, she's gonna need that considering her serious health issues. Lives in a paid off house with defined pension plus income from working 4 days in private practice. Despite being the longest living (her parents died in 50's and late 60's respectively) as a 72 senior citizen, I don't foreseen her living beyond the 80's. Main issue is distance factor for LTC if it ever comes up.

Father is 80, fairly healthy with much younger wife. Both are very set with wills, investments, insurance and power of attorneys.

IL's have will, not sure about power of attorney. Doubt it, ok financially with pension and 401K retirement funds, live in a modest paid off town home. MIL have couple health issues at 87, but otherwise fine. FIL is fairly healthy with some hearing loss as 79 years old. We anticipate them live fairly long life from genetics & family history. Not sure what to do about FIL if MIL goes first, as he can cook basic meals for himself, drives daytime but we all live locally so am sure probably check in and such. I don't want FIL to live with us in our home though.


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[hellokitty01]

Well, my dad's plan is that he will die before my mom will, so she can take care of him. He doesn't care what happens to her. Mil's plan is to move in with us... that's not happening. I will take my mom or my fil, but not my mil or my dad. It's interesting that the ones who are the most difficult are also the ones arrogant enough to assume that others will take care of them.

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[gatorsmom]

My parents are dead. They had a will done long before they needed it. My dad signed power of attorney and DNR befire he went in for surgery to remove his bladder (cancer). He didn't want to talk about (neither did I really), but since he was in the hospital bed waiting to go into surgery, it's not like he could walk away from me. I think I remember that the nurse witnessed it.

While all that was going on, ILs were staying with us helping with the kids. I talked to them about how important it was to make sure it was all in place. FIL looked me in the eye and said, oh you don't have to worry about that. We have everything squared away including money set aside and and a place chosen for our long term care facility if we need it. Ive since found out that none of that was true. It was all a bald-faced lie. Maybe he didn't want to talk to me about it but then why not just say that? He must have known id tell DH what was said. I wish I could use that as an excuse to stop worrying about what happens to them, but it's never that simple, is it?

[mmommy]

My parents have thought way ahead on this and have a will, trust, power of atty, etc.

They also have Long Term Care Insurance and are financially fine.

IL on the other hand live paycheck to paycheck and do not have a will, power of atty, or really anything. They make very poor living, health choices, and both are on state provided insurance so they are a bit of a disaster.

My parents are 65 and 70.

IL are early 50's.

This is exactly us, except my folks are both 70 and ILs are mid-50s. We live far from ILs and we have our own expenses, I don't know that we'll be able to do much to help them. DH's siblings are local to ILs but in even worse shape (addiction) so I'm really unsure what will happen to ILs. MIL is in very poor health already. I'm so frustrated with their consistent bad choices that I'm not sure I'd be able to help them out without becoming too resentful for it to actually be helpful. I'm trying to work on myself about that.