I'm watching some cousins struggle with this stuff right now. My 96yo great aunt (my late grandfather's baby sister) fell down in the middle of the night while making her way to the bathroom. She broke her pelvis, collarbone and needed stitches in her forehead. Then while at the hospital she was diagnosed with pneumonia. Her mind is still sharp and she has an incredible memory. I have never talked to her about end-of life stuff because she has 4 very concerned children who are very loving and active in her life. But apparently she never named POA and didn't complete her DNR paperwork and the kids can't agree. To their credit you couldn't tell by being around them that they were fighting but one of the kids made it clear. This "kid" is my great aunt's 70 yo daughter Ellie who is an urgent care doctor and lives on the other side of the country. Never married and had no kids. When I called her to ask how her mom was she told me that she doesn't expect her mom to leave the hospital. She said the physical therapist came in to work with her mom and she shewed her away saying her mom lived long enough and there aren't enough resourced on the earth to support everyone as it is. Her mother should be made very comfortable and let it naturally progress to the end. And then she went on to tell me how her siblings have different ideas and are sleeping over night in their mom's room to put ideas into her head. Apparently Ellie's siblings got their way because yesterday my aunt was moved back to her nursing home into a more advanced care section and they were starting physical therapy. My aunt seemed to enjoy visiting with me and kept her hand very tightly around mine so I stayed with her a long time. I could tell her other 3 kids weren't ready to let her go (and frankly she didn't seem ready either!). Maybe it's because they live locally and spend a lot of time with her. But it must be frustrating to everyone involved to argue about something so serious and with the potential to destroy family relationships. My aunt needs to name a POA. I think because her mind is so clear and sharp she doesn't want anyone making decisions for her. Maybe she doesn't trust her kids. I don't know. But it's really a mess.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.