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  1. #1
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    Default Being supportive versus being realistic?

    DH and I are struggling with this little conundrum....

    DD is an incredibly flexible 12yo (like, she can put her ankles behind her neck and walk on her hands)... She's also completely hopeless in body awareness--she has dyspraxia (poor motor planning). Her dyspraxia can be "helped," but it's likely always going to be a bit of a hurdle for her. It frequently frustrates her that she can't figure out how to move her body like other kids do. It took her a long time to walk, to run, to jump, to do alternate-climbing stairs, and she still has a heck of time with anything that crosses the midline (like doing a "windmill" or a cartwheel). She has a Xbox game that gives points for dancing, and for her to "get" how to do the dance, I have to stand behind her and move her body the right way; once she "feels" it a few times, she can usually get a close approximation, but never completely "right." She has lost all the "fun" of the game because she doesn't get it to say "perfect" or "almost perfect" very often.

    One of her (well-meaning, but oblivious) friends told her she should do dance next year, as that would make great use of her flexibility. DD has glommed onto this idea, and it is 100% what she wants to do next year, at the expense of any other sport/activity. Our dance program at the school is competition-based.

    She's done track and cross country this year, and liked both. She's not good at either of them, but she had a lot of fun. We encouraged these because she's going against her self versus another team. We have a fairly competitive sports program; the track and XC are the least competitive (or the easiest to ignore the competitiveness).

    So, the conundrum is pretty simple... Do we support her in the dance program, knowing that she's going to be really frustrated very quickly, and her dyspraxia will affect the whole team, or do we say "no" to dance, but continue to support other "personal" sports, like track and XC where success is as simple as beating your last PR?
    --Mimi
    Mom to Lala (2004), Bonus Mom to Big Sis 1 (1991) and Big Sis 2 (1992)
    Grammy to Big Kindy Kid (2011), Big Pre-K Kid (2012),
    Grandbaby Appendage (2014), and New Baby Grandboy (summer 2017)

  2. #2
    cmo is offline Gold level (500+ posts)
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    Could she try out dance in a summer camp or evening class type setting before the start of next school year? That would give her a taste of how it works, if she likes it, how competitive it is, etc.

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I am biased against competition dance schools so I'd be seeking out an alternative. But I'd allow her to try a low key rec dance program and see how it goes. Can her therapists recommend a good program?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  4. #4
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    egoldber is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Is this a dance team at the school? Or a dance team at a dance studio?

    If it is a competitive tryout, and she is competing against kids with years of prior dance experience, then she will likely just not get picked. I would let the process work itself out.

    Now, my oldest is somewhat like you describe. This year she joined an arts based team at her high school. It isn't dance, but it is similar. The tryouts were not competitive and they basically take anyone. She is not great at it, but she loves it. They have practice 2 nights a week and a competition most weekends.

    Honestly it's been an incredible experience for her. She has learned a lot and grown tremendously being a part of this group even though she is very clearly the least talented person on the team. She did take dance for several years in elementary school and that did help her. She also does yoga once a week and that has helped her build strength and coordination.

    If she would really like to try, I would reach out to the coach and find out what the basic requirements are. Like a PP mentioned I would consider looking for summer camps / workshops to help her build skills. There are summer intensive classes and camps (for a range of abilities) that will help her build skills and also help her decide if this is something that she really wants to do.
    Beth, mom to older DD (8/01) and younger DD (10/06) and always missing Leah (4/22 - 5/1/05)

  5. #5
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    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I'd let her do it
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  6. #6
    npace19147 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    At that age it might be best to let school be the "bad guy" and have her not make the dance team if it is truly competitive. If you stop her then you will be the reason she didn't do it. I would explain to her what you said here (kindly) and if she refuses to listen then be supportive if it crashes and burns. Maybe it will work out, maybe not, but you can't protect them from everything. GL!
    Nancy, mom to

    DD1 5/04 and DD2 3/07

  7. #7
    bisous is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by hillview View Post
    I'd let her do it
    I would too.

  8. #8
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    I would let her do it as well.
    Latia (Birth & Postpartum Doula and Infant Nanny)
    Conner 8/19/03 (My 1st home birthed water baby!)
    Parker 5/23/09 (My 2nd home birthed water baby!)

  9. #9
    mom2binsd is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Our Jr. High dance team is super competitive, there are tryouts and only the kids who've been taking dance for at least 5 years make the team, so I'm assuming yours might be the same. I would let her find out more about it, does her friend have previous dance experience? She may realize that she doesn't have the dance experience to make the team. So let her find out more about it (our schools have tryouts in the spring for the following school year, incoming 6th graders from the elementary schools are notified and come and tryout.

    Let her figure it out.

  10. #10
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    AnnieW625 is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I would let her do it too. Good luck to her.
    Annie
    WOHM to two wonderful little girls born in April
    DD E, 12

    DD L, 8
    (Peg Perego Viaggio HBB 120, and a Graco Turbo low back)
    baby 2, 4-2009 (our Tri-18 baby)

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