Taking advantage of elderly - finances

[Globetrotter]

My mom is so gullible. She donates to anyone who asks, including a religious figure she just met. I have no idea if they are legit.
Then in Sears she bought a bunch of jewelry and watches for gifts because they were 90% off with an additional 20% off. We know this is a marketing scheme but she doesn't get that. On top of that she listened to the helpful lady and got an additional $60 protection agreement. Who buys those for jewelry? I recommended that she returned all but one because they were overpriced. And then I showed her how to compare prices online.
Then in Macy's she opened a Macy's card because the helpful lady suggested it and saved a whopping $6, that's not the point. She shouldn't be opening credit cards willy-nilly.
I don't know if she's always been like this, which is possible, or maybe she now has the freedom to do what she wants since my dad is no longer there. I know he did not approve of donating a lot of money to the temple, but she's been donating every week.

I haven't discussed the donations yet because I know it'll go south. However, on Sunday she gave $1300 to this religious person's organization. I am always skeptical of these things. I'm not sure how to do it. I just want to make sure that she's conscious of the decisions and not giving into coercion. I did bring up the shopping thing, because this is just the tip of the iceberg, but needless to say that was not well received.

I thought there were classes for seniors to talk about finances and stuff like this, but I can't seem to find anything. I guess I'm mainly venting. I'm not sure what the solution is but I do know it doesn't come across well coming from me or my brother. She doesn't have any siblings in this country, and her one sibling is not the right person because he's also after her for money I don't know what will happen when she visits India and people ask her for money.
The thing is, she has excellent savings and a good steady pension, but if she continues at this rate she won't be able to travel to the extent that she would like and she's thinking of getting her own place, which will suck up more than half of it. It's tricky… I wouldn't want my kids telling me what to do either, but I feel like she needs some guidance so people don't take advantage of her. I've talked to her about scams, but she is the ideal candidate.

[StantonHyde]

Do you have a joint bank account with your mother? Would she let you do that? That way you can keep track of her expenses.

We are in the same boat with MIL having multiple credit cards and giving $25 to every mailing that comes to her door. (she can't remember to pay her actual bills mind you--but she can donate to charities) She then takes the worthless swag they send her and regifts it to us for xmas and bdays!

DH and SIL have tried talking to her. It did not go well DH even looked at getting her off mailing lists. It takes like 6 mos for it to go into effect and if you give to that organization or buy a product from them, then they can keep sending you stuff.

You can't protect people from themselves unfortunately.

[specialp]

Our library has classes that are geared more towards electronic/telephone scams and that sort of thing, but I bet it would be beneficial to make someone at least hesitate to open cards. Check your library. I also think it has the added benefit of making friends.

My mother told her dad how proud she was of his giving heart, but he needed a charity budget because everyone who donates needs one. Your mom probably needs more than that type of push.

[123LuckyMom]

Does your mom have a financial planner? Does she have an accountant? If she has any already existing advisor, I would contact him or her and offer to pay for that person to sit down with your mom and work on a budget with her. Your concerns about her money not lasting forever are legitimate, and that's what I would concentrate on. Honestly, whether you agree with her spending habits or not, if she can afford a random $1300 donation to a shady religious figure, it's not the most horrible thing in the world if she makes that donation. It's only really, really horrible if she can't afford it. She's an adult. It's her money, so I'd concentrate not on how she spends it (which might strain your relationship and put her on the defensive) but rather on making sure she understands what the limits are and adheres to them. She should set those limits with some professional advice about what she can reasonably spend while protecting her financial safety.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[Globetrotter]

She just came home with a pile of stuff, excitedly telling me about the Macys Amex, and how the nice salesclerk said she could open an account by tomorrow to save $16 on her purchase, and how her Costco Amex won't be valid soon so she needs a new one. Waaaaaahhhhhh.

[specialp]

She just came home with a pile of stuff, excitedly telling me about the Macys Amex, and how the nice salesclerk said she could open an account by tomorrow to save $16 on her purchase, and how her Costco Amex won't be valid soon so she needs a new one. Waaaaaahhhhhh.

Huh? I know a costco is switching from accepting AmEx to Visa this spring/summer. I'm wondering if it was something about that and it got lost in translation. (Not that I can connect the dots myself.... just wondering out loud if she said that costco won't be taking amex and that was translated into this card will no longer work at all so here is a new amex.)

[rolypoly27]

Huh? I know a costco is switching from accepting AmEx to Visa this spring/summer. I'm wondering if it was something about that and it got lost in translation. (Not that I can connect the dots myself.... just wondering out loud if she said that costco won't be taking amex and that was translated into this card will no longer work at all so here is a new amex.)

Costco is ending its relationship with Amex so that card won't be valid at all after the transition.

[Globetrotter]

Sorry, that wasn't clear at all! I shouldn't type when I'm upset. Yes, it's what you said. She thought this could replace her Costco Amex, but the point is she is too eager to believe salespeople. She wanted to open an account to save $16, without understanding how the process works, whether this is a good Amex, leave aside she just opened a Macys visa two weeks ago! Why have two Macys cards?

After I posted, I sat her down and explained how I opened store cards when I was young, but my dad got upset with me and explained it's not a good idea. I told her how salesclerks have quotas for new accounts so they are very pushy and make it hard to resist. I even went so far to say that she is going through that process now that I went through at 20, since she is independent for the first time, and it will take time to understand how things work. I also said that my dad taught me about inflated pricing (Kohls, anyone?). I'm not even sure where I learned that but it's possible it was my dad since he was a huge consumer reports fan. That seemed to resonate, more than anything else we have told her, but let's see if she remembers.

This was unplanned. I was going to keep quiet and figure out a plan, but suddenly this came to me.

I'll respond to pps later- that was great advice.

[specialp]

Costco is ending its relationship with Amex so that card won't be valid at all after the transition.

Yes, what I was thinking. I never has a costco amex, just an amex and knew they were ending their partnership.

[rolypoly27]

Yes, what I was thinking. I never has a costco amex, just an amex and knew they were ending their partnership.

Got it. Misread your post.